Get out of there!
by Snow Empress
Summary: I know it’s over done, but I couldn’t resist. Please forgive my complete and total lack of imagination. RR! Ron Hermione bodyswitch RHr
1. Chapter 1

Get out of there!

I know it's over done, but I couldn't resist. Please forgive my complete and total lack of imagination. R+R!

Disclaimer: I don't own it. But you knew that already, didn't you?

Chapter one - the boring one where it all gets started

Ron, Harry and Hermione were in potions, being terrorized by Snape, supposedly making a potion to let you see from the other person's point of view.

It was often used in international diplomacy. Unfortunately, Ron and Hermione were too busy in their feverishly whispered argument to pay much attention to what they were actually adding to their cauldrons.

'Really, though Ron, _Lavender Brown_?' Hermione hissed 'That girl doesn't have enough brains to fill an eggcup!' Ron glared at her before replying 'I suppose _Vicky _was such a brainiac, now wasn't he?

Ron started to imitate a gorilla, swinging his arms low, jumping around and hooting in an overdramatic impression of Victor, repeating 'Herm-ninny' again and again.

'Ron, watch out!' Hermione shrieked, but it was too late. Ron had knocked his bubbling potion all over Hermione and himself.

'Hey Granger, nice!' yelled Malfoy, looking blatantly at Hermione's chest asthe potion soakede through her shirt. Hermione flushed red with embarrassment, and fled the room with a sob.

Enraged, Ron turned to Malfoy, raising his fists and shaking with rage that anyone had dared make Hermione cry.

'Not fighting, are we, Weasley?' Snape looked at Ron in disdain while Malfoy grinned from behind his back, causing Ron to clench his fists tightly.

'Go and get cleaned up, Weasley, and don't bother to return' Snape muttered, and Ron shot an apologetic glance at Harry for leaving him alone with Snape, ran out of the room.

Ignoring Snape's instruction, Ron ran off to find Hermione and apologise. He found her, no longer sobbing, just staring into the flames in the common room fire. Worried, Ron approached her cautiously, and tapped Hermione on the shoulder.

'Hermione?' Ron said 'Are you alright? Malfoy's a jerk, you don't umm, that is to say you do, but…' Ron trailed off hopelessly.

Hermione turned around, and glowered at Ron. She screamed 'You just don't get it, do you? every time i'm humiliated in front of Malfoy, it makes me feel so stupid and worthless. He always tries to makes me feel infereor, because i'm a _mudblood_!' she spat the word, and Ron turned pale 'It's alright for you, you're a pureblood, but i'm just, just...' Hermione broke off sobbing.

'Hermione, i had no idea you felt that way, i'mso sorry' mumbled Ron helplessly.'Is there any thig i can do? i could go and kill Malfoy for you if you want' he looked up hopefully.

'No, just leave me alone' Hermione ran off up to her dormitory where she knew Ron couldn't follow, leaving Ron slumped powerless on his chair in front of the fire. He didn't move until Harry forced him up to bed, eight hours later.


	2. The realisation

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, apart from my laptop. Oh well. This means that although I cannot make any money from the wonderful JKR's characters, I can make them play out scenarios in my strange imagination. That's good enough.

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When Ron woke up the next morning, he knew something was wrong.

He certainly felt different. He was having trouble remembering how long ago he had started wearing baby blue nightdresses, and who had used a charm on his hair while he slept?

They had made it go _all bushy and chestnut!_ Ron panicked, leaping out of bed with a speed only achieved by top Quiddich players.

Dashing over to the mirror on legs that were much more slender than he was used to, he glared frantically at his reflection, which glared back in a way he had seen just the before.

When he and Hermione had been fighting.

Ron realised that, despite the fact that _this could not be happening to him,_ all the evidence appeared to point to him being in Hermione's body.

A yell that he had heard before, issuing from his own mouth though, from the direction of the boys' dormitories. 'The boys' dormitories?' he thought 'then I'm in the girls'…. 'Morning, Herm' Ron span round to see a scantily clad Lavender Brown, yawning and padding over curiously to him.

'What's wrong Hermie?' she asked tenderly, and Ron wished she would giving him these awful nicknames, blushing bright red at what she was wearing 'Are you still upset about last night?'

Ron felt an odd tingle in his spine. Hermione sounded like she had been more upset than him!

'Umm, yeah, I just need to see Herm…Ron' he stuttered 'Oh, good, I hope you patch things up with him!' Lavender called at Ron's retreating back as he hurried out of the dorm and down the staircase to the boy's dorms.

Ron pounded at the door he knew must contain Hermione, as that is where his own scream had come from earlier. The door opened a crack, and a hand grabbed the front of his nightdress and dragged him in.

He entered to find Harry, Seamus, Neville and Dean, along with his own body, in various states of undress (his own body was tightly wrapped in a dressing gown). (A.N. for all you Americans, that's a bath robe, I think…)

Harry, Seamus, Neville and Dean were all sniggering, and to his horror, he noticed that Hermione's hand was clutching a very intimate area of his newly acquired anatomy.

'Get out! Now!' he bellowed, very aware of the fact that her hand was still in his chestal area. He noticed Hermione head for the door with the others, and hurriedly called to her 'Not you, umm, _Ron_'. Attempting in vain to ignore all the cat-calls coming from the reluctantly retreating boys, such as 'Get in there Ron!' (Dean) 'Way to go mate!' (Seamus) and a simple 'Woo-hoo' (Neville). Only Harry looked at the pair strangely before leaving.

When the door was safely shut, Ron turned furiously to Hermione and hissed 'Do you think you could remove your hand from my breasts? You're making me look like a pervert!' Hermione blushed, placing her hand at her side. 'I don't see why you're making such a fuss. They're my breasts in any case' she said briskly, trying to cover her embarrassment.

'Not while I'm in you!' he yelled, suddenly realising how this would sound to the boys, who were almost certainly listening downstairs. Lowering his tone, he continued 'Well, how did this happen? Did you see a spell made for only the most intelligent wizards ever, and think you'd have a go?' 'Well, yes' Hermione conceded, 'But it was hours ago and it went perfectly!' highly affronted that Ron would suggest that she had performed less than perfectly in any task she attempted. 'Well, how then? Who would hate us enough to do this to us?' They simultaneously replied 'Malfoy'.

They began to debate who should be the one to confront him. This was a slightly unusual argument, in that they both had to argue that they had the best chance of getting Malfoy to lift the spell.

Hermione thought that Ron could use his 'Feminine charms' on him, for as she rightly said, Malfoy was a player and would go for anything in a skirt. Ron said he didn't _have_ any feminine charms, and insisted that as a fellow pureblood, Hermione should try to reason with him on his own terms.

To cut a long story short, Ron lost and that is how, two hours later he ended up in Hermione's dorm, trying on her clothes.

'But _Hermione, _I can't wear that!' he cried, while Hermione held out an almost indecently low-cut top, which Ron never knew existed. Probably only wore it around Krum, he thought with a stab of jealousy.

'You can and you will' she replied firmly. Hugely embarrassed, Ron complied, knowing that arguing with her was pointless, when the worst pain he had ever felt ripped through his abdomen, leaving him reeling helplessly, screaming soundlessly on the floor.

'Ron, that's a bit of an overreaction, all I asked was you to wear a skirt' tsked Hermione, looking disapprovingly at the stricken Ron.

As the pain subsided enough for Ron to speak again, he gasped out feebly 'Hermione, you have no idea how painful this is. It's worse than the cruciatus curse! I think I'm dying! GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL WING!'

Ron fell into his helpless writhing on the floor again. Hermione stared for a while, before checking a calendar on her wall. The she collapsed into desperate giggles.

Horrified at this cruel reaction to what he thought must be his last moments on earth; Ron cried 'What the hell do you think you're doing? Don't you care that I'm suffering worse pain than you could ever imagine?'

Hermione laughed harder, replying 'Trust me, it isn't! This is just what my time of the month feels like, and because we've switched bodies, it's now YOUR time of the month!' Ron gaped, unable to believe that half the world's population had to go through this once EVERY month. Was this why he had told Hermione to 'Stop fussing, you're blowing it out of proportion, I'm sure it can't hurt that much'?

A small box landed next to his head. He picked it up, and it was shortly followed by another. He read the first, which was labelled 'Aspirin'. 'What are these?' we asked weakly, staring up at an indifferent Hermione. 'Aspirin' she replied, 'for the pain'.

Ron quickly swallowed two of the little pills before Hermione snatched the box off him 'Hey, I NEED those!' he protested. 'No more' she replied, storing the box safely in his trunk and pocketing the key.

'Now we need…something else' she muttered, as if half of her wished he would not hear her. '

What?' he asked, hoping for more painkillers, but he was shocked when as a response to embarrassment, Hermione switched to business-like mode. 'Well, first thing is, we're going to Myrtle's bathroom' Ron groaned vainly 'Not Moaning Myrtle!' he wailed 'Why hers?' Hermione stared coolly at him for a moment before replying 'Because no-one ever goes there, and we'll need some privacy'. Ron paled.

Ten minutes later, they arrived at the flooded bathroom, and said 'In you go'. Ron lingered nervously at the edge, looking uncertain. 'What're you waiting for?' she asked impatiently. 'It's a girl's loo' he replied, glancing around in case someone happened to be passing and see them in there. 'Oh, for goodness' sake!' Hermione dragged him into the cubicle, and slammed the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Do I really have to say this? Lawyers glare Ok, ok mumbles I don't own Harry Potter. Lawyers glare more Fine! **I don't own Harry Potter, **ok? I said it!

A.N. I am so sorry i haven't updated in ages, but what with exams, and the whole business of having a life, i couldn't get around to it. Plus i've been ruthlessly attcked by plotbunnies. Anyway, i'm on holiday now, so lots of chapters coming up soon. Thanks for being so patient.

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'Now what?' came Ron's tremulous voice, and Hermione sighed. 'You go into that cubicle, and I'll tell you what to do from out here'. Ron looked anxious, but complied, knowing what would happen if he tried to argue. He shut himself behind the cubicle door, and nervously whimpered 'You're still there? You won't leave me?'

'Of course I'm here Ron, I'm not going anywhere. Now, I'm going to pass you something, then I'll explain what to do with it' Hermione handed a small white tube over the door. Ron stared 'What the Hell am I supposed to do with this?' Hermione smiled slightly, realising his next reaction would be just a little worse. 'It goes, um, up'.

'Up where?' asked Ron, bemused 'Up…where the blood's coming from'. When the yelling had died away, and Myrtle's laughter had at least subsided (she had been attracted by the screaming, and Hermione had to explain) Hermione tried again. 'Look, I've done it before, and it's my body so you shouldn't have any problem with it' she told Ron, who was still gibbering. 'You just slide it up there, and you're ok for about four hours. Try to be sensible about this, will you?' she asked impatiently.

Ron's weak voice came from behind the door 'I just never thought that the first time I, uh, saw a girl's' he blushed, and Hermione could practically feel the heat coming off him. A thought struck Hermione 'So…you're a virgin?' She asked, grinning 'You and Lavender didn't do it?' 'As if I would' replied Ron, bitterly. 'I never wanted _her_ in the first place'.

There was a long silence, broken by Hermione coughing embarrassedly. 'Well, just brace yourself and ease it up. I, um, clench when I'm nervous, so try to relax or you'll never get anything up there'. It was her turn to blush as she realised how what she had just said must have sounded, but Ron didn't seem to notice. She smiled at his innocence, as his voice came from the other side of the door 'Just relax, Ron, relax, you heard what she said and she's always right, so just do as she says and you'll be fine. Now ease the huge tampon up your…self' he became silent, and emerged a moment later, pulling up his skirt and grinning 'Why did you make such a fuss?' he asked Hermione, who punched him in the arm.

Then her face clouded. 'Um, Ron?' she asked 'Yeah, 'Mione?' Hermione made a face, unwilling to say her next sentence 'I need the toilet'. Ron stared at her. 'Ok…that's, er, nice' he said, trying to work out what she meant. 'Ron' she said pointedly 'I'm in your body'.

Ron looked aghast. 'Oh' he responded. 'I suppose you're just going to have to, uh, do it'. Hermione looked helpless. 'I don't know how!' she wailed. 'Well' Ron began 'You just sort of hold it, and point'. Dear God, thought Hermione. I'm going to see Ron's um, manhood for the first time. I never thought this would be how it would happen.

'Do I really have to do this?' she moaned. 'Um, I suppose I could do the actual, uh, holding, if you're that uncomfortable, 'Mione' replied Ron. She span around and kissed him on the cheek, relieved. 'Oh, Ron, you're such a gentleman' she said, turning her head awkwardly as he unzipped her pants. It did seem very strange to Ron to see, uh, himself from someone else's point of view for a change. 'I've got Hermione Granger's hands wrapped around, um, me, and I'm not even there to appreciate it' he groaned inwardly.

Just then a small first year rushed in, obviously desperate, but when she caught sight of the pair she squeaked and ran out again. They both knew that if they let her escape there would be rumours of Hermione giving Ron a handjob for _years,_ so they ran after her and, despite Ron's protests (she's only titchy! what could she know?) Hermione obliviated her, and she went off looking slightly dazed.

Relieved that they had gotten that sorted out, at Ron's insistence they made their way down to the Great Hall for lunch, as they had missed breakfast, what with, uh, one thing and another. Ron seemed to have brought his appetite along with him into Hermione's body. He was, however, rather aware of the stares he was getting from boys from various tables, seeing as how he was still wearing the unconservative top and skirt. He was particularly aware of a pair of steel grey eyes following his movement from the Slytherin table. He tried to pull his skirt a bit lower over his thighs.

They sat down at the Gryffindor table opposite Harry, who stared at the pair. 'What happened there?' Harry asked incredulously 'Hermione, why on Earth are you wearing such a, well, a _Lavender_ skirt? You were getting gawped at by every guy in here! And Ron, you didn't punch one of them! Even Malfoy was staring, and you let him!' Hermione grinned, loving being right yet again. She knew her body could look good when she tried. Ron felt sick.

They ignored his question, feeling he wouldn't believe them even if they explained. Hermione simply picked at her food, and Ron ate with his usual gusto. Harry continued to stare (although not in the same place Seamus and Dean were staring). They ate until they were interrupted by Harry again. 'Seriously, you two, what's up? Ron's barely touched his food' Hermione glanced down at her almost-full plate 'And Hermione's eating as if it were her last meal!'

'Erm, that's because I'm not feeling well, Har-mate' Hermione replied, nudging Ron, who spluttered, desperately thinking of something Hermione-ish to say. 'Err, well why shouldn't I eat a lot?' He shot 'Is it because I'm a girl? You know not all girls are _Lavenders_' his voice dripped with distaste. 'I don't need to be stick-thin to be a valuable person, you know! Honestly, BOYS!' Ron stormed out, and Hermione rushed after him, as Harry nodded, glad that everything was back to normal.

'What was that?' Hermione yelled. Ron just grinned at her 'Good, wasn't I? I've seen you do that enough times to know it by heart' Hermione huffed. 'I DO NOT sound like that'. Ron just followed her retreating back, grinning even more widely. His grin was wiped off his face, though, as he realised they were heading back to Hermione's dorm. 'Now' she said, turning to face him, 'You must have seen Malfoy leering at my body at lunch, so this raises my argument. You will have to enter the Slytherin dungeons, get into Malfoy's private chambers and seduce him to find out how to un-do this spell'

Ron opened his mouth to protest, but Hermione wasn't done 'You will not, of course, go all the way with him. I'm sure I don't have to explain to you what I mean. Simply, I am still a virgin, and have no wish for Malfoy to be my first. Especially if I wouldn't even be there' she added, a smile playing on her lips.

Ron stared, dumbfounded. 'But I thought you and _Vicky_' Ron spat, unable to get the words out. Hermione hit him. 'As if I would!' she grinned 'I never wanted _him_ in the first place'.

'However, as Malfoy hates muggle-borns, we are starting at a slight disadvantage. You have to look smoking, and convince him that I'm so in love with him he won't be able to resist breaking my heart. This is where Parvati comes in, as I've never managed to master those silly Witch-Weekly spells'.

At her words, an excitable Parvati entered, holding her wand and looking eager. 'I'll see you at the common room in an hour' Hermione whispered 'She thinks this is for a date with you. Sorry, but technically you'll be on the date, so it's true. I just won't be there, and Malfoy will'. With that she ran out into the common room to wait until Parvati was done with the terrified Ron, who was eying the wand as if it might explode.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter. Except I don't. But I wish I did. But I won't. Hope that was clear.

A.N. I said there'd be another chapter really soon, didn't i? Oh, sorry, didn't i? Well i meant to say there would. And there is! So ha! Um, yeah, you can just read it now. Please review, i'll buy you a drink in heaven. If i ever get there.

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At her words, an excitable Parvati entered, holding her wand and looking eager. 'I'll see you at the common room in an hour' Hermione whispered 'She thinks this is for a date with you. Sorry, but technically you'll be on the date, so it's true. I just won't be there, and Malfoy will'. With that she ran out into the common room to wait until Parvati was done with the terrified Ron, who was eying the wand as if it might explode.

'What are you going to do to me?' he asked, still eying the wand warily. Parvati laughed. 'You don't have to worry, Herms' Ron gritted his teeth in annoyance 'This won't hurt a bit. Won't it be worth it for your Ronnie?' Ron was bemused. 'Since when has he been MY Ron?' he asked, deciding to ignore the 'Ronnie'. Parvati giggled.

'Since he let down poor Lavender' she leaned it conspiratorially 'But not after he'd finished with her, so I heard' Ron fumed, making sure to have a word with Lavender later 'Besides, we all knew he was going to end up yours. You've been calling his name in your sleep since third year'. Ron's eyes bugged out of his head, and he was barely aware of Parvati. He was glad to leave, but to be honest, he had hardly been aware of the time passing.

Ron realised he had something to do, as he spotted Lavender flirting with Seamus in front of the fire in the common room. 'Oi, Lavender!' he yelled 'I heard you've been spreading a rumour that you 'had' me, uh, Ron Weasley'. Lavender raised her head, annoyed to be interrupted when she was in full flow. 'What's it to you if I DID go all the way with him, Granger? He's not your private property and besides, I never did anything he didn't beg for' She smiled viciously at Ron.

'You know that's not true, Brown' Ron spat. 'Huh, Granger, you just wish it wasn't. We've all seen you every time he looks at another girl, and why wouldn't he? It's pathetic, he'll never see you as more than a source of homework answers. You're ugly, you're boring, and you're bitter'. In one corner Ron could see his own eyes tearing up, and he knew Hermione had heard every word, and jumped to the worst conclusion.

Now there are a lot of bad things about Ron, but his loyalty is not one of them. No-one gets away with making Hermione cry. His temper if they tried, however, _was_ one of his bad points.

'Shut it, slut, or I'll shut you up' he muttered through gritted teeth. Lavender laughed 'What are you going to do, swot? Throw 'Hogwarts; a history' at me?' Ron stalked forwards to about six inches from Lavender's face. 'You never had him. I _know _you never even came close. He wouldn't touch a ho like you. He wouldn't know where you'd been' Lavender stared at him for a moment, shocked that 'Hermione' would even think words like that, let alone say them.

Had she known Ron as well as she claimed, she would have realised that only he would say such things. As it was, she slapped him. 'Little lying cow!' she screeched, pulling Ron's bushy hair and ripping at her clothes. Ron, who could never bring himself to hit a girl realised that _as _a girl he was allowed to kick seven kinds of crap out of her. However, he had not reckoned on Hermione's strength. The petite brunette was not quite as strong as him, and as it was, all he could do was try to match Lavender's attacks, as he was unused to catfighting.

Hermione's body, however, to Ron's surprise, must have done this before, as it took over, scratching at Lavender's face and ripping indecently at her top. Seamus looked as if Christmas had come early, and Hermione looked furious. A lot of Gryffindor boys had crowded around the fighting pair, cheering and making bets. Hermione could not get close enough until Dean, who had been taking the bets, yelled 'Come on, Ron, you've got to be at the front! They're fighting over you in any case, so we've you to thank!'

The other boys roared their assent, and Hermione felt herself being shoved to see the bizarre sight of herself and her rival battling it out brutally. She was even more shocked at the number of lads slapping her on the back for 'Making that bookworm show herself for once'. She had never appreciated why Ron was so on edge whenever she wore a short skirt before.

By this time Ron and Lavender had made quite a bit of progress, and neither was decent, although Ron was worse off, as he had started out dressed sluttily for Malfoy anyway. Lavender was sporting a stunning black eye already, and was down to just her skirt and bra. Ron had a deep cut on his cheek, and was desperate to keep his shredded top on. The watching boys were delighted.

Hermione, however, had a vision of a future where she had shown her boobs to the whole of the Gryffindor common room, and she couldn't let it happen. Harry was watching for Merlin's sake! Although she and Harry were close, there were some things that they were never going to share, and her naked body was DEFINATELY one of them.

Despite the howls of protest coming from the surrounding boys, she tore off her cloak and wrapped it around Ron's shoulders, lifting him away from the throng with her new Quidditch-toned arms. She carried him over her shoulder, while Ron reached out to tear at Lavender's tresses once more. By the time Hermione had gotten Ron to an empty classroom, he was holding a handful of beautiful blonde hair.

Hermione set him down gently onto the teacher's desk, unwilling to hurt him no matter how angry she was. Then the rant began. 'Ron, what were you thinking? You just humiliated me in front of all of Gryffindor! Everyone says I'm possessed! What will they think, that I've claimed you? And what ARE you smirking about?'

Ron grinned, quite different to his normal lopsided one, before replying 'It was to preserve your reputation. We wouldn't want people thinking you scream the name of a player in your sleep, now, would we?'

Hermione paled. 'Who told you that?' she whispered. 'Parvati' answered Ron. Hermione made a mental note to punish Parvati for telling Ron her secret, Lavender for lying about Ron and Ron for almost showing her body to every lad in Gryffindor tower. But that could wait, she just had to get him off the topic he seemed so pleased with himself for, for some reason.

'Anyway' she continued, trying to ignore his knowing grin 'You are fairly messed up, but we can use that to our advantage. You will go to Slytherin dungeon and throw yourself on Malfoy's mercy. Tell him, oh I don't know, tell him Harry and I have thrown you out, or you got attacked or something, and didn't know who else to turn to. Don't forget to inform him this is because you're madly in love with him. He won't be able to resist breaking my heart and humiliating me, so he'll comply. I shall go to the library and try to find out how to reverse whatever it is he did to us, ok?'

That had done it. There was now no trace of a grin on Ron's face. 'Do I have to?' he whined. Hermione glared at him sternly. 'Unless you want to stay in my body for the rest of your life' she noticed Ron grin roguishly at her words, and added 'Once a month, for the rest of your life'. She giggled as Ron leapt up, running as fast as his high-heeled legs would take him.

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Please review. If it's good, it'll only take a minuite to tell me and it'll make my day. If it's awful and you don't tell me, i'll carry on inflicting this on poor readers. So, review? Please? 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Disclaimer: If you want me to own Harry Potter, please send money to the following address. The second I get about one trillion billion, I'll buy Harry Potter, and re-write it so it's basically Ron/Hermione all the way. I'm waiting :).

A.N. How's this for quick updating? Haha. Better not get too used to it, I'm being attacked by plot bunnies leaving me with only half a story. Got a lot of ideas, but no idea how to link them all together. Thanks to all my absolutely fantastic reviewers, you keep me writing.

Thanks.

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Only the thought of putting up with the kind of pain he had felt earlier could force Ron Weasley to attempt to seduce Draco Malfoy. He sighed, and knocked at the huge stone door, which was suspiciously answered by a weasel-eyed first year. 'What do you want, Gryffindor?' he asked rudely, and Ron came close to clouting him, but that would blow his cover.

'I need to speak to Draco Malfoy' he said tremulously. The first year nodded, and stepped by to let him past. Ron staggered in across the cold stone, and was met with equally cold glares. 'What the Hell is a Gryffindor doing in here?' asked a nameless Slytherin from one side. Then Ron spotted the stormy grey eyes gleaming from a corner. Draco Malfoy was lounging there easily, and his eyes were lapping up the sight of Hermione's half naked body. Ron shivered.

'What's up, Mudblood?' he sneered, stalking over to Ron. Ron saw his opportunity. 'Oh, Draco, thank goodness! I didn't know who else to turn to! You have to help me' Draco smirked 'And why would I do that, Granger?' Ron threw himself into Draco's arms. 'Because I love you! I just can't' Ron choked 'Resist you anymore. Harry and Ron threw me out because they found out. They said I was a traitor'

Draco looked stunned. 'You love me?' he asked, his lips curling up into a shark-like leer. 'Well, why don't we go and talk about this in privacy?' Ron nodded, pretending to cry 'My bedroom is just across here, my father paid for it', Draco smirked at the Slytherins in the common room, leading Ron by the hand into the huge chamber.

Ron sat down on the massive green and silver bed, and Draco put his arm around him, staring blatantly down Ron's torn top. Ron was very uncomfortable with the attention, but continued 'I've felt strange since last night, do you know why?' Draco ignored him, sliding closer, but Ron pressed the point. 'Seriously, I've…not been myself since then' Draco stared at him. 'I honestly don't know what you're talking about, Granger' Draco replied 'But I know a way to make you forget about all that' He smirked suggestively.

'Let me put it another way' giggled Ron, feeling like a traitor 'I know you know what I need. If you need a little persuasion, that's ok'. He leaned into Draco, who had other ideas. 'Oi!' Ron shrieked, slapping his hand away from a part of Hermione's anatomy he had himself stared at in the past. 'Chill out, Granger, I'll be gentle' said Draco, reaching out again to press Ron into the bed.

Back in the library, Hermione was vainly searching through old textbooks, hoping to find out what it was had caused them to switch. One potion caught her eye, and she wondered where she had seen it before. Oh, she remembered, it was just the potion they had made yesterday in class. She flicked on. The potion. The one they had made yesterday, that had spilled all over her and Ron. Uh-oh.

Ron and Draco heard a first year's voice squeak from outside 'Oi, Gryffindor, you can't go in there!' and an enraged Hermione burst in. Draco suddenly looked terrified; he knew what happened to boys that tried to 'get to know' Hermione when Ron Weasley was around.

Ron scrambled up from beneath Malfoy's grip, and ran to Hermione. He hadn't realised before why some girls were afraid of guys, but then again he hadn't realised how much stronger he was as a guy. Thanks to Quidditch, Draco was no fairy, and he had been truly scared for a while there. Thankfully he threw himself into Hermione's arms, and felt much safer having them wrapped around himself protectively.

Playing in character, and angry that Draco had almost taken her virginity (and she wouldn't even get to experience it for herself) Hermione began to rant lividly. 'Draco Malfoy, if you _ever _come anywhere near Hermione again I swear, by all the Gods ever invented, I shall murder you. She is _not_ yours to touch, you scum!' Hermione enjoyed testing out her new muscles, bloodying Draco's smug face with a blow, and beginning to feel sorry for the boys she had caused Ron's wrath to come down on in the past. He was one powerful lad.

Draco drew his wand with a triumphant look, and Hermione had to put her hands in the air. Who knew what an apprentice Death Eater could do in his own territory, and she didn't have her wand, she had left it on her nightstand, what with one thing and another. Draco smirked evilly at her, and snaked his arm around Ron's waist. Oh, Jeese, Hermione thought. He actually thinks Ron likes him. This ought to be good. Feigning horror, she backed away to get a better view.

'You're wasting your time, blood traitor' Draco sneered, and Hermione giggled silently as Ron's ears began to redden. 'Granger_ loves_ me'. He grabbed her face and forced a kiss from Ron. 'She's hopelessly fallen for me, haven't you?' Draco purred. 'I know you're pathetically smitten, blood traitor, but this is my plaything now' Ron's red ears became accompanied by a bright red blush. 'Find your own Mudblood'

Draco became suddenly aware of someone pounding his chest as hard as they could, but instead of finding ? stone of tough, Quidditch-trained muscle, he was amazed to find Ron's new but tiny fists raining down on him furiously. 'Don't _ever_ call her that, you slime!' Ron screamed. Draco caught Ron's fists easily, and wrenched him off him. He leered disgustingly. 'Looks like your blood traitor boyfriend doesn't care, mudblood' said Draco, wrapping his large, pale hands around Ron to keep him from fighting 'I suppose I'm free to have you make up for that, then'.

Enough was enough. She had to stay in character. Now, what would Ron do, Hermione wondered. That was easy enough. Draco Malfoy found himself being thrown by the scruff of his neck out of his_ own _bedroom and Hermione carried a shaken Ron out of the room, and out through a common room full of amazed Slytherins, who were helping Draco back to his feet and whispering excitedly. Great. Now there would be rumours of Hermione sleeping with Draco Malfoy. Just what they needed.

When Ron had calmed down from his rage at Malfoy's 'mudblood' slight on Hermione, she told him what she had found out. 'Ron, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is I know how to switch us back. The bad news is the potion takes a month to brew, it's honestly worse than polyjuice'. Ron looked horror stricken.

'There's one more thing we need to sort out tonight' muttered Hermione awkwardly. Ron just looked at her, puzzled. 'Sleeping arrangements' said Hermione. 'I can't very well sleep with the girls now I'm in you, can I? They'd freak out. Actually, Lavender would be all over me, which would be worse, just to get back at me' she noticed the gleam in Ron's eyes and slapped him. 'I know what you're thinking, and no, I will not be turning lez anytime soon. Honestly, boys!'

'Fine' answered Ron, rubbing some life back into his arm. 'It's simple, you sleep in my bed and I'll sleep in yours. Who knows, it could even be fun' he chuckled 'I'd love to see what happens at night in these girls' dorms. Will there be underwear pillow fighting?' Hermione sighed. This was going to be more difficult than she had expected.

'Can I trust you to not try and jump any of the girls in my room?' she asked, irritated. 'Not even _Lavender_?' she continued bitterly. Ron pretended to look hurt. 'Never! I swear I'll be the perfect gentleman with them. All I'll do is go to your room, I'll close my eyes when they undress, maybe have a good look at you in the mirror as I change into tiny underwear in which I can run around the great hall proclaiming your everlasting love for Snape…'

Hermione glared back at him. 'I swear, if you do that, you will be professing to the whole common room that you can no longer live a lie, and ask Neville to marry you'

Ron laughed. 'Ok, ok, I promise I'll be good if you keep my dirty little secret. Can I at least still wear the tiny underwear?' Hermione looked daggers at him. 'I don't _own_ any tiny underwear. And believe me, you will shut your eyes when you get changed. Otherwise I will be treating the Gryffindor girls to a thorough show whether you deserve your place on the list in the girls' bathroom: Hogwarts' sexiest guys'

Ron looked thrilled 'I'm on that? I thought it was just a rumour. Who's above me?' Hermione sighed. 'Well, obviously Harry has the whole celebrity-thing, so he's popular with the younger girls, and he comes in just above you. At the top, above him, is, of course, Draco Malfoy. Everyone knows he's top, you just have to look'

Ron was turning red again. 'I'm _third_? Wait…_Draco Malfoy_? The guy who almost raped me today? Head of Death Eater youth!' Hermione retorted angrily 'Who cares? It's hot, not nice. You've seen him. Stormy grey eyes, Quidditch-toned body, dark past, gorgeous hair you just long to run your hands through…' she broke off, uneasily aware of Ron glaring at her and muttering death threats at Draco and every Malfoy for the next thousand years.

'Don't look like that' she pleaded 'At least you beat Snape'. Ron looked utterly disgusted. '_Snape's _on there?' Hermione rolled her eyes, before explaining 'He's dark, he's mysteriously unattainable, he's incredibly intelligent, he has the most intense eyes and a sexy smooth voice that makes your toes curl up in anticipation' Ron threw her one last filthy look before storming up the stairs to her dorm.

It was only then that Hermione realised she had sent an angry, jealous Ron Weasley up into a room of semi-clothed girls. She groaned. All she could do now is hope he kept his promise.

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If any of you wonderful people has anything you would like to happen in the story, review and tell me. I'd appreciate the help. If not, just review anyway :) 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: If you're stupid enough to think I own Harry Potter, e-mail me and I'll give you some help with the big words in the story.

A.N. Yes, sorry about the delay. But like I said in my profile, Pirates of the Caribbean was on. Drooling priveliges come first. How often do you really get to see Orlando Bloom AND Johnny Depp, thirty feet high in a film together? Not that often!

A.N.2 Ohh, i'm still not used to typing that. I'm an author! Yay! Anyway, I know I was slow with this chapter, and I apologise. Like I said before, plenty of ideas, just no way to link them together. Please send me yours if there's anything you think would be good in this story. It'd help a lot. :)

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Ron wandered up to the large room full of four-poster beds, settling down awkwardly on the one he knew to be Hermione's. He pushed out her trunk of clothes from beneath the bed, and began rooting through it. He blushed furiously when he came to her underwear, hurriedly grabbed a sensible-looking nightdress and ran to the bathroom. 

He managed to get most of her clothes off with no trouble; they weren't much different to guy's clothes. When almost naked he hit a problem. He had no idea how to undo her bra. It wasn't the kind of problem he could just ask Lavender or Parvati about, as Hermione must put it on herself every day.

Remembering a racy tale of 'conquest' Bill had told him years ago, he reached behind his back for some kind of fastener, and found one after a thorough search. Now all he had to do was figure out how to open the damn thing. He struggled, pulling it as hard as he could, but eventually had to admit defeat and cut the thing off himself. THAT would be a difficult one to explain tomorrow.

Resisting the dire temptation to look, he dragged the sensible nightdress over his head with his eyes firmly shut. He glanced at the door, and listened hard, and heard the distinct sounds of giggling coming from behind the door. Lavender and Parvati must be back.

Knowing that there was no way he would be able to explain himself if they walked in and found him staring at his own body, he sighed and slipped out of the door. The atmosphere in the room immediately darkened. _Lavender _was obviously furious with the 'girl' who humiliated her, beat her in a fight, proved her to be a liar, and who she was convinced her ex was in love with. Parvati was angry on behalf of her best friend, as any good best friend would be.

Ron felt extremely nervous. Merlin only knew what they might do to him. Desperately he tried to break the ice. 'Hi, girls' he said weakly, as their glares intensified. 'The bathroom's free' he finished weakly, and _Lavender_ shoved past him rudely, slamming the door behind her with a 'Humph!'

Ron flopped back onto Hermione's bed. Parvati nervously glanced at the bathroom door, before, to Ron's surprise, landing lightly on the bed beside him and leaning in towards him. 'What happened today with you and Malfoy?' she whispered excitedly. 'I heard from Lavender, who heard from Romilda, who heard it from Susan, who got told by Emily (Ron frantically tried to think who the Hell these people were) who got it off Pansy, who saw it with _her own eyes _that you slept with Malfoy!'

Ron tried to stifle a groan. Why did all girls think that the more girls had passed around the gossip, the more true it became? Why did they even try to get the antidote to their 'problem' off Malfoy? And most of all, how was he going to get out of this without making Hermione sound like a complete _Lavender_?

Parvati was eagerly leaning forwards, and he knew he had to make something up soon. He couldn't get away with just ignoring her, she'd be on him all night about it. He couldn't get away. He sighed, and asked Parvati 'What exactly have you heard?' She began jabbering at an incredible pace 'Nothing, only that you went into the Slytherin rooms looking all messed up and, truth be told, a little tarty ('That's rich!' thought Ron), threw yourself on Malfoy's mercy, _confessed your love for him_, went into his private room, and were there for a good long while, until Ron Weasley marched in and furiously threw Malfoy out of _his own room_, carried you out in his arms and you and he did it in an abandoned classroom. Is it true?'

Ron was horrified. How did these things spread, and why were they like oxygen to girls? He gritted his teeth in anger. 'Parvati' he began, trying to keep civil 'I did go to Malfoy's room. Maybe I was a bit messed up. I said some stupid things, but I needed someone to listen, and I needed something from him' Parvati nodded wisely 'Best to go for number one, although I must say, Harry's number two, and your best friend. I'm sure he would have' she smirked slightly 'eased the pain'.

Ron's face creased up in horror. 'No, not that! Ew! I would never do that, Harry's just a friend' at least I hope Hermione thinks of him as a friend, he thought. 'Malfoy got a bit too friendly, and Ron came looking for me, saved me and hit Malfoy. That's all that happed. As for Ron and I in the classroom, I don't even know where that rumour came from. Ron and I are just friends, that's all' he sighed.

Parvati glanced up, disappointed, and met Lavender's eyes. 'She denies it' she told Lavender, and Ron almost burst with fury. 'You were listening!' he raged, and Lavender simply nodded. 'You wouldn't have told me, and I wanted to know what happened' she shrugged.

He couldn't help noticing what she was wearing, though. Practically nothing. He was still a guy at heart. Mentally scolding himself, he thought 'If you wanted a stupid meaningless whore, you would have stayed with her. But you don't, so you didn't. She showed you more than that on the first date; get over yourself'.

Ron glared at her, and slid under Hermione's cover, deciding to ignore the pair of them and just go to sleep. The gossip queens weren't having any of it though. Lavender joined Parvati at the end of Hermione's bed, and both wrenched the covers off a very disgruntled Ron.

He glowered at the smirking pair, and asked 'What is it going to take for you two to leave me alone?' They glanced at each other, silently conferring, and appeared to reach a decision. Parvati began 'Number 1; You tell us EXACTLY what Malfoy's technique, score, method and room are like' Lavender took over 'Number 2; You tell us, in detail, whether he deserves his place on the list' Parvati began again 'Number 3; You explain how Ron Weasley 'saved' you, and why' Lavender stared coolly at him, and finished 'And number 4; You will give up all claim you might have on MY Ron'

Ron looked stunned. The pair seemed to be mentally connected somehow. It scared him rather a lot. Sighing heavily, he began: '1, I told you we didn't do it. He kissed me a lot. I'd give him' he gulped 'A nine. He deserves his place, but Ron deserves to be top' he grinned, pleased with himself 'He's very forceful, it scared me. His room is silver and green, absolutely huge, and covered with silk. Ron saved me by marching into his room, pulling him off me, throwing him out of the room and getting me safely out of the Slytherin common room. I don't know why he did it.'

'And I will not 'give up my claim on Ron'. You just can't accept the fact that he's moved on. He doesn't like you, _Lavender_, and you have no chance with him. He's my best friend, and I won't abandon him for the world. He feels terrible about even going out with you in the first place, he only did it to make someone else jealous'. The girls looked scandalised. 'How do you know that?' _Lavender_ screeched 'Did he tell you?'

They refused to give up pandering Ron, calling him allsorts of untrue, unintelligent things, even when he ignored them and tried to sleep. By 10PM he was so fed up he stood up sharply, dragging Hermione's duvet wrapped around him, yelling 'Shut up! I can't take any more of you two! I'm leaving' They stared, dumbfounded at his retreating back. A few minutes later there was a knock on the boys' dorm.

Harry opened the door to find his best friend, wrapped in a huge blanket, forlornly asking 'May I stay here tonight?' he nodded, and gestured him inside, where he immediately made for his own bed. Harry looked confused, and 'Ron' looked incredibly surprised. 'Hermione' Harry asked 'Why are you here? Not that we don't want you here' he said hurriedly, as every boy in the room nodded sincerely 'But why have you marched in, only wearing your nightdress, and why are you on Ron's bed?'

Ron was too cross and too tired to explain properly, but he knew it must seem odd to the watching boys (apart from Hermione, of course, she knew it was his bed, not hers). 'Lavender and Parvati are driving me crazy with that whole Malfoy incident, wanting every little detail, so I'm here. I'm on Ron's bed, uh, I don't know why, but I need somewhere to sleep tonight, don't I?'

At this, the boys realised how rude they were being, and everyone except Hermione offered their bed for the night, including Harry, who was very insistent that she did not choose Seamus or Dean's. Those lads would want her to be in their beds **with** them. Hermione, being a girl really and therefore the one who would normally have beds offered to her did not realise for quite a while that the 'other' four boys were glaring at her.

'What did I do?' she asked defensively, as she plopped down on Ron's bed next to him. 'Honestly, Ron, I'd think you'd be the first to offer up your bed. Be a gentleman, let the lady choose' Hermione appeared startled, but Ron leapt to her rescue, saying 'No, it's ok, really, I'll choose another' the boys looked at him, surprised. But Ron knew he couldn't take his bed from Hermione; after all, she was the real girl.

Harry tried to give 'Hermione' his bed, but received nothing but glowers from him. Ron knew Harry thought he was giving up his bed to Hermione, and felt rather jealous. Thinking Harry all too eager to play knight in shining armour, he refused, announcing that he would feel altogether more comfortable on the floor, thank you.

Hermione was becoming bored with all this, and had no wish to go back to a body all achy from sleeping on the floor, so she grumbled 'Come on, Hermione. Just kick someone out of bed and sleep on it, you silly prat' the boys gasped, and Ron glared at her, saying 'Actually, I think I will sleep on Ron's bed' he received a wolf whistle from Seamus, and stared daggers at him.

Hermione tried to protest, but gave in to the pressure from the 'other' boys ('Give the girl your bed, Ron, or we'll kick your arse out the window') and angrily settled down on the floor. 'So what did happen with Malfoy, Hermione?' asked Dean, at which Ron groaned. 'If you lot are going to pester me too, I might as well go back to the girls' dorms' he huffed.

Seamus flicked his wand with a lazy grin towards the door. 'Locking charm; it won't open now until morning. So you might as well entertain us' Ron glared at him fiercely; Hermione wasn't that sort of girl. This was apparent, as she had not even noticed the innuendo.

'Get on with it, woman, or we'll start talking about Quidditch.' Ron wished they would, desperately. He wanted to join in, but just to hear about something normal after the horror of _Lavender_ and Parvati's gossip would be a blessing. 'OR' Seamus winked 'You could find some other way to keep us amused'. All heads snapped at 'Ron' who was still tossing about on the floor, muttering. To the surprise of everyone but the real Ron, he didn't leap up, furious, to defend Hermione's honour at all costs.

Seamus had been expecting a black eye at least. It seemed Ron wasn't going to get angry about Hermione soon either. Time to push his luck, he thought.

Ron knew that look of Seamus' though. He got it when he bragged about his 'conquests' and called himself 'Seamus No-Shame-Finnegan'. He hurriedly began his improvised story. 'It was after the fight with _Lavender_' Dean and Seamus nudged each other, grinning broadly 'And I was fairly messed up. I looked a bit, well, _Lavender_, I must say. I fought with Ron over the fight. I ran off, and ended up in the Slytherin dungeons.

Draco Malfoy comforted me; I said things I didn't mean. He took me into his bedroom, and started to get a bit too familiar. I was actually quite scared. Ron had heard where I was, and broke in to rescue me. He hit Malfoy, and threw him out of his own room, carrying me to safety. I don't know why he did it, but I'm glad he did. If it weren't for him, I could be carrying a mini-Malfoy now' he shuddered, and the look on the boys' faces turned into one of genuine concern.

'Good grief, Hermione. I had no idea you'd been through so much' said Dean, wrapping an arm around Ron. Ron shoved it off. 'I'm fine, thanks Dean. I have Ron' he smiled proudly. It felt good to actually turn down some of these bloody lads that were always (it seemed to him) after Hermione. They wouldn't persist if SHE was the one to tell them to back off.

Seamus, apparently, would not be so easily swayed. He wasn't Malfoy, and would never press himself on a girl; he was a good guy really. He did, however, not like to be beaten. He also knew that this was probably the only chance he would ever get to charm Hermione. Who knew when Ron would get back to his normal, protective self?

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I'm sorry if some of you think that these lads are being a bit too gentlemanly, or that Hermione shouldn't expect better treatment because she's a girl. That's really the way it works here. At least, it does at the public school I go to. It's really old fashioned. Besides, they are Gryffindors after all, and all British. Rule Britannia. 

Also sorry if you got confused by that chapter. It's easily done; I got confused myself sometimes.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own the Harry Potter universe and particularly Draco Malfoy! (Wakes up from wonderful dream) Oh bugger.

A.N. Thanks for being so patient with me, waiting for me to update. You can expect it more regularly now Pirates of the Caribbean is out of the cinema. I was kind of lost in a Depp/Bloom induced haze. But i'm back in reality now.

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'So, MYonie' he drawled easily, sliding up to join 'her' on the bed. 'You're not seeing anyone at the moment, are you? You're always saying that Victor Krum's just a FRIEND' Ron glared at the thought of him being more 'And Harry and Ron are the same, so why don't I and you, you and I, we get to know each other a little better?' 

Ron had gotten over it after the initial shock and horror, but Seamus was known for being distinctly squeamish about the whole 'female situation'. He could use this to his advantage. Ok, so Hermione would kill him later, but who cared? It would be preferable to having Seamus all over him.

'I'm just going to the bathroom' he slid away from Seamus. The Irish boy called out suggestively 'Why don't I join you? Strictly so you know where everything is, of course. It's a new bathroom, we wouldn't want you to get…distracted' he winked.

'Um, Seamus' said Ron, trying to suppress a grin. 'I don't think you'd really want to' Seamus quirked an eyebrow. 'I really think I do' he replied roguishly. 'Fine, but I warn you, I'm not going for a bath, I just need to deal with my monthly'. He ignored the glares he was getting from Hermione; Seamus' face was just too good to miss.

He looked an odd combination of sick, scared, horrified and disappointed. Ron grinned; he wouldn't be after Hermione again in a hurry. When he emerged from the bathroom again, he was cross to notice that after all the 'other' boys had gone to sleep, Hermione had stolen his bed, and was smirking at him victoriously.

He strode over with mock anger, and whispered, so as not to wake the other boys, 'Well done, Miss Granger. However, if you think that will stop me from getting a decent, comfy night's sleep, you have another thing coming'

He slid onto the bed to join her, drawing the curtains after him, and her eyes shot wide open in shock. 'Ron, what _do _you think you're doing?' she hissed. 'You can't share the bed with me! What would people think?' he rolled over to face her, grinning.

'Well, Miss Granger, the door is locked until morning. My back hurts because of _your_ bloody period' bad choice of words, Ron, Hermione thought 'And I am going to be sleeping on MY bed. It'd do wonders for _my_ reputation; if you're so worried about yours, you move'

'Ah, but you mustn't forget, Mr Weasley' she replied, matching his grin 'That with such a reputation, imagine the kinds of fun I could have. For years I've been Ms Bookworm, knee socks and top buttons; just think what it would be like if I turned _Lavender_. I'm sure _Victor_ would appreciate my new look, I'm due an owl off him any day.' The grin slid off Ron's face.

'And McLaggen is a notorious player; who _knows_ what kind of sully he might put on my honour if given the right encouragement. Finally there's our dear old friend Draco, Mr Death Eater youth himself. I'm sure he'd be _more_ than willing to take advantage of a poor, defenceless maiden such as myself, if only he heard I was that kind of girl. Remember, according to the list, he is one place higher than you' she smirked as she saw his face steadily reddening.

'People might think I was trying to collect the set, and what with Harry just a few beds away…' Ron snapped. 'If any of them dares come within a mile of you, I'll rip their heads off' he breathed hard, trying to ignore the instinctive voice in his head, screaming at him to murder various males in Hermione's life, and claim her himself. _She's inches away!_ It bellowed _How long have you wished for an opportunity like this?_

Hermione was engaging in a similar internal battle **_Come_** **_on, just reach out! You've been dreaming about this since second year! Take him!_**

Ron broke their intense gaze first, bowing his head shyly. Hermione edged off the bed, before stopping abruptly. 'Ron?' she asked 'Yeah?' he replied, not looking at her. 'You said your back hurts? Do you need a massage? I always find it helps when I'm on' she smiled bitterly 'Some girls get cramps, some get back pain. I get both'

He stared up at her as if she was offering him a gold-plated firebolt. 'You'd do that for me? Even though I always said you were exaggerating?' she shrugged. 'I know how miserable it can be. Slide your nightdress off your top, and I'll grab some oil from the bathroom' Ron looked hesitant to remove the dress, even with the curtains shut.

Hermione clicked her tongue impatiently. 'Honestly, Ron, they're my breasts. I _have_ seen them before you know' she brandished a bottle she had retrieved from the boy's bathroom. 'Coconut and wild pear' she said, pulling the top off and sniffing at the bottle. 'Right lot of sissies you are' she snorted. Ron turned bright red, mumbling about Neville having been sent it by his grandmother.

She flipped Ron over onto his front, and kneeled with one leg either side of his back, straddling him. She pushed the nightdress further down his body, so it just covered the beginning of his hipbones. Ron shivered. She dribbled the oil onto her hands and began rubbing it in little circles up and down his back. She could work wonders; the stabbing pains in his back just melted away, leaving him limp and beautifully relaxed.

Occasionally the tips of her fingers would brush the edges of his breasts as she swept her hands down again; Ron felt himself becoming strangely breathless. Hermione, of course, knew exactly what to do to make her own body feel good, and as such she was able to work Ron's muscles into a positive euphoria. Ron was responding so; his groans of pleasure became more and more pronounced as she worked on.

'Hermione?' someone called from behind the curtain 'Are you ok?' both froze, unable to move. Whoever had spoken to Hermione clearly became worried by her lack of answer, and drew back the curtain, wand raised.

'Harry!' Ron shrieked, clutching the nightdress as best he could over his breasts. As Hermione was sitting on the end of it, however, this was not particularly effective. Harry backed away as if he had been burned. Ron's yells awoke the other boys in thee room, who scrambled frantically to their feet, wands brandished; apparently sharing a dorm with Harry Potter left you a little jumpy.

Neville looked embarrassed, and re-drew his curtains as soon as he saw what was going on; the other two, however, laughed loudly, and stared at Ron, stunned. 'Merlin, Weasley. Never knew you had it in you, but bloody good choice, I must say' Dean slapped Hermione on the back, his eyes fixed on Ron's uncovered chest.

Hermione had had enough. She wasn't used to defending her own body, and due to the weirdness of it she had allowed Seamus a bit of leeway the night before. This, however, was a different matter. She pushed herself up off Ron's back, and he took the opportunity of the dress being free to make himself decent, glaring at all three boys.

Hermione grabbed her wand from the bedside table, wielding it like a sword. She turned to Harry, and told him kindly 'Go back to bed, Harry, or you'll be tired in the morning' he obeyed her, looking both relieved that 'Ron' hadn't stoved his head in and disconcerted.

Then she turned her attention on the two gawpers.

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My wonderful reviewers! How can I ever thank you? I know! Cookies for all! 


	8. Chapter 8

A.N. No fuss, just another chapter. Thanks for all the reviews. :)

Disclaimer: All Jo's. Duh.

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Hermione was furious and humiliated, which just made her more angry.

'I am the only one in this room with ANY right to see those breasts!' she shrieked, and the two boys backed away, terrified. '**That** is _mine_!' she yelled, pointing at her body, completely forgetting that she was supposed to be Ron. If he had used such possessive terms about her she would have kicked his arse all the way to Outer Mongolia, but to be fair, it was literally her body; Ron was just occupying it for the moment.

'I'm afraid you two leave me no choice' she said sadly, though not apologetically; they didn't HAVE to stare at her boobs. She raised her wand once more, causing a look of sheer horror to pass across the young men's faces. Dean foolishly tried approaching Hermione. 'Ron, come on mate, we've known each other for ages. We've always known Hermione was gonna be yours, we don't hold any claim on her. We just wanted a look'

'Never look at that body again! I control it! It's MINE!' she bellowed, preparing her wand to curse the pair into oblivion.

Harry ripped back his curtains, fuming. Like a shot he grabbed Hermione by the neck, pressing his nails in, his wand to her temple. 'Too far, Ron. Hermione might like you, Gods know why, but you will NOT talk about her like that! APOLOGISE!' Hermione gasped desperately for air, as Harry's hand closed tighter around her trachea. Ron's eyes widened in terror, and instinct kicked in.

He launched himself from the bed onto Harry's back, dragging him onto the floor. Fortunately, this got him off Hermione, who gasped, clutching her throat. Unfortunately, Harry landed on Ron, whose back which just a few minutes ago was bliss now throbbed with pain.

'Jesus, Weasley, that's one tough girl you've got there' a stunned Seamus remarked to Hermione. She glared at him. 'Look, I'll just obliviate the two of you, so you won't remember the last couple of hours' she promised, restraining herself from Crucio-ing the pair of them. They looked wary, but realised this was the best they were going to get; they had expected to come out of this so sore they couldn't sit down for a month.

Nervously, they waited for Hermione to pull her wand out, staring as Ron got poor Harry into a headlock. 'Jeese, 'Mione, this body of yours is pretty weak. You ought to come to Quidditch practice with me sometime, we could toughen you up a bit' she glared at him. Harry looked confused.

'Wait, if you're calling Ron 'Mione, then you must be Ron! Hermione only lets Ron call her that, if anyone else tried she'd kill them! Did you two switch bodies or something?' Comprehension dawned in the boys' eyes. Dean cried out desperately 'Ew! I was staring at _Ron's_ boobs!' Hermione seemed livid. 'Look what you've done now, Ron! Hold Harry still, I'll do him first'

She pointed her wand at her raven-haired friend, and not unkindly waved her wand expertly at him, saying almost gently 'Obliviate!' Harry's eyes became blank and glassy, and between the two of them they pushed him back onto his own bed.

'Sorry, boys' she apologised, advancing on the others. She again waved her wand, and the pair fell silent and sleepy. Ron grinned as he levitated Dean and Seamus back to bed. 'Remember the first time I got this spell right, 'Mione?' she smiled reluctantly back at him.

'How could I forget? That mountain troll was more than I would have expected any eleven year old to handle, and a thousand times more than I would have expected of you' Ron stuck his tongue out at her playfully. 'First time you ever broke the rules, too' he laughed, as Dean crashed down onto his mattress.

'I know. Five points from Gryffindor! I was so ashamed. How many more have I broken since then?' she wondered 'And how many of those were down to you?'. Ron chuckled, sending Seamus slamming into his own bed. 'Most of them, I expect. Want to break a few more?' he winked. 'You've still got to sleep somewhere, and after tonight I don't recommend you try any of the other lads' beds.

Hermione smiled gently after him. 'Alright, but you keep your hands away from MY body, and I'll do the same for you'. Ron pouted stupidly, making her laugh again. 'I warn you, I talk in my sleep!' she told him, as they climbed onto Ron's huge four-poster. 'I already know that!' he grinned, making her blush profusely. 'It's not my fault! I've always talked in my sleep, ever since I was little. I used to have conversations I never even knew about, and once when I was nervous about a song I had to do in the school play, I sang it in my sleep for weeks!'

Ron smiled at her. 'Well, I'm a snorer, so if you can put up with that, I can put up with a chatterer. As long as you don't nag me about my homework in your sleep!' they both settled down on the bed, drifting off facing each other. Hermione had not been asleep two minutes before she announced 'I love you, Ron'. It was lucky for her Ron was already asleep, and merely smiled, wrapping his arms around her.

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A.N. Sorry if you think I'm being a bit harsh on poor Ron and Hermione, but really, you can't expect to switch bodies with another person without a few glitches, can you? I also apologise if there was a bit too much flowery sugar and spice fluff, but come on, it's Ron and Hermione!

Review! Please! Or! The! Next! Chapter! Will! Come! Entirely! In! Exclamations!

Only kidding, but please review. Even if it's just to tell me I'll fry I Hell for all eternity for promoting witchcraft, that'd be something!


	9. Chapter 9

A.N. So sorry it took so long for me to post again, but my parents dragged me off on holiday, where I got burnt. Horribly. Then, when we got back my mother deleted the next three chapters of this story and a fluffy one-shot I had done, so I had to begin again from scratch. Here's the next chapter anyway. Enjoy. I'll just go and bathe my burnt back. Ow.

Disclaimer: It's my birthday coming up; perhaps I'll be given the Harry Potter universe as a present. Until then, don't own it.

Can't get the line to work. Imagine this is one.

The next morning, Hermione woke, as usual, before any of the others, so she was able to untangle herself from a grumbling Ron's arms. 'Too early, 'Mione' he muttered, still half-asleep. 'Come back to bed' she blushed brightly at his sleepily innocent words, struggling gently as he tried to wrap his slender arms back around his unusual teddy bear.

'Stop it, Ron!' she giggled, pushing him off her. He groaned, and rose up from the bed. 'We'd better get dressed before the lads wake up' he told her, and she nodded ferverently. Ron looked shifty. 'Uh, 'Mione?' he asked her. 'Yes, Ron?' she replied, dragging on a pair of shorts and t-shirt from his trunk, as it was quite warm.

'I don't have any clothes. They're all in your trunk'. Hermione sighed. Honestly, he was stupid sometimes. Why didn't he think to bring some with him last night? 'Well then, you're just going to have to wear some of your own, and hope they fit my body ok' She told him, and he obediently went over to his trunk to find something.

After finding a t-shirt that could be a half-decent dress, he pulled his nightdress over his head, eyes firmly shut. Hermione yelped. 'What do you think you're doing?' she hissed. 'Get into the bathroom! The boys could wake up and see you any moment. I've done enough obliviating for the next **year**'

Ron glanced around and shuffled, being pushed firmly by Hermione, into the bathroom. He shifted awkwardly under her gaze. 'Aren't you going to leave?' he asked. 'No' she glared. 'Get dressed' He clamped his eyes shut. Ron was no creep; he wouldn't have looked even if Hermione wasn't there, despite REALLY wanting to, but he liked to be trusted.

'Today can't have any of the glitches of yesterday, ok?' she told him 'We don't want to have to obliviate our best friend again, or march into the Slytherin dungeons. I am going to teach you to act exactly like me, and you will learn. You in turn will tell me how to act like you, and I'll do as you say. We can't get caught again; the risks are too high. We're just lucky the holidays start on Tuesday. That means we only have to put up with one day of lessons'

(A.N. They switched on Saturday morning, having had the potion spilt on them on Friday. The _Lavender_ and Malfoy incident happened on Saturday, and Hermione slept in the boys' dorm Saturday night. It is now Sunday, and the last day of lessons is Monday. They leave for the Burrow on Tuesday)

She sensed Ron was about to speak, but she shushed him. 'Yes, I know you'll have to go home to your family over Christmas, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Good thing you already invited me before we switched' she smiled rather shyly, and he blushed.

'So when will you begin to teach me?' he asked, very aware of the fact he was exhausted. 'After breakfast' she told him, and he smiled at her. How well she knew him. The pair left the bathroom, but as it was still early, the other boys were still happily snoozing.

'Can I go back to sleep, 'Mione? Please?' he pleaded 'Just for a few minutes?' She rolled her eyes and wandered off to brush her teeth, wondering whether Ron would mind if he found out she had used his toothbrush. It was, after all, his mouth.

Ron took this as the green light, and settled down blissfully to get a few precious minutes shut eye, content knowing that the other boys wouldn't be up for ages, and Hermione would be there to help him get through this whole ordeal. With this in mind, he drifted off.

He awoke to raucous laughter. Seamus and Dean were nudging each other. Hermione came out of the bathroom, and realised how it must look. 'Hermione' was in 'Ron's' t-shirt, not the nightdress 'she' had been wearing the night before; none of them had seen her change. 'Hermione' was asleep in 'Ron's' bed, and he was coming out of the bathroom looking shifty.

'What were you guys doing?' grinned Seamus. Hermione punched him. Ron smiled at her. She was getting better at this hitting lark. 'I slept on the floor, you cheeky sod!' she told him angrily. Dean smirked, as Seamus went off to the bathroom to bathe his eye. 'Then why's she wearing your t-shirt?'

Hermione gaped, for once in her life utterly speechless. Ron leapt to her aid. 'It's not Ron's. It's Harry's.' A gasp resounded in the room. It was true; Ron had nicked it from Harry about a week ago, and forgotten to give it back.

They gaped, open mouthed, as the Chosen One yawned, slid out of bed, smiled at 'Hermione' and padded into the bathroom. His hair was even more messy than usual, he wasn't wearing a pyjama top, and his bottoms were on back to front.

Dean clapped 'Ron' on the shoulder consolingly. 'Jeese, I'm sorry, mate. We never knew'. 'Ron' simply stared. She was not supposed to have THIS happen to her. It was bad enough when they thought she had slept with Malfoy, but _Harry…?_

Ron was shaking a little. The boys presumed she was embarrassed at being caught out, and afraid they might turn her in, but he was, stupid though he knew, jealous. **Why did Harry grin at Hermione like that? WAS there something going on between them? Something he hadn't picked up on?**

He mentally shook himself. **Harry was his best mate; he'd ask permission before starting anything with anyone so close to him. And he wouldn't do it anyway; he knew how Ron felt about Hermione. He was utterly paranoid; Hermione had slept in his arms last night, and she woke up in them. **

He shivered. **Down boy. Oh, wait…No need for that anymore, at least until Hermione prepares the potion.**

Harry came out of the bathroom again, this time with his hair brushed so it was merely messy, not gale-swept, and much more awake. He still had no top on though. Ron felt like ripping his…throat out (A.N. Sorry to disappoint! ;). **He was invading his territory. **

**Stealing _his_ Herm…no! What kind of a thought was that!**

The other lads were entirely oblivious to this whole drama in Ron's head. Seamus was disappointed; Dean was amazed, and Neville was simply confused. Harry wandered vaguely over to his two best friends, and plopped down on the bed in between them. Ron glared, Hermione sighed.

Neville piped up nervously, raising his hand as if he was in class. 'Yes, Neville?' asked Seamus 'Well, it's just, uh, Ron's bed's been slept in. If she slept with Harry (Harry's eyes shot open in surprise) and Ron slept on the floor, who slept in his bed?'

The three lads (minus Harry) stared speculatively at Ron and Hermione, as they answered simultaneously 'I did'. The boys grinned.

Ron and Hermione looked at each other. Ron quickly reached a decision. He snuggled up to Hermione and snaked his arm around his body's waist. 'Fine, we slept in the same bed, but nothing happened! Ron was the perfect gentleman. I'm wearing Harry's shirt because I didn't bring any clothes with me last night, and I can't go down from the boys' dorms in my nightdress, that's all'

Hermione looked furious. It was true, but they didn't have to know that! She had been preparing herself for another round of obliviating, and felt she was getting rather good at it. But she still objected to Seamus and Dean slapping her on the back roughly, winking at her and sniggering.

Even HER Good Girl reputation wouldn't withstand _this_.

Still can't get the line to work. Imagine this is one, too.

A.N. I think I've given away rather a lot of the plot for the future in this chapter. Don't worry though, my loyal reviewers and those scumbags who read but don't review, there's a couple of twists up my sleeve I don't think any of you know about yet. Mwahahahaha!

A.N.2: You may have noticed that when Ron and Hermione are speaking, _Lavender_ is in italics. This is because they don't like her, and sort of roll their eyes or groan when they say her name. It's just normal type Lavender when it's her speaking, or when it's someone who she's friends with speaking about her. Oh, and it's _Lavender_ in the A.N.s too, but I don't like her either.


	10. Chapter 10

A.N. Nobody reads these. If someone actually does, tell me in your review, because if no-one does read them, i'll stop writing them.

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Hermione ignored the cat calls and congratulations, dragging Ron down the stairs and up to the girls dorms. 

_Lavender_ and Parvati were fussing over each other's make up in their vanity dressor, and shrieked when Ron and Hermione walked in. Ron stared. Hermione sighed, and dragged him to the bathroom. Quickly. hen the door was firmly shut, she whispered furiously 'Please act like me! Remember, you're a girl now! Not Ron! And if you try and go back in there before they're dressed, i'll curse you into the next centuary'

Ron grinned stupidly. She glared back. 'Wait until they've gone, and we can get you dressed' she told him. Ron and Hermione waited patiently until the high-pitched yabbering stopped. Hermione shoved Ron out into the dorms, and told him sternly 'Get dressed in something suitable. MY suitable, not what you want me to wear. I'll meet you at breakfast'

Hermione left Ron, and after returning to the boys' dorms to get dressed herself, decided to wander to the great hall to meet Ron, and check what he was wearing. She hoped it would be decent. She thought she made Ron's body look quite dashing in a smart shirt, tie and trousers. _Lavender'd_ hate it, if she noticed. Hermione smirked.

She was just padding down to breakfast, yawning heavily, when _Lavender_ came bounding up to her, jabbering excitedly, and dressed this time. Stupid girl. 'Guess what, Ron! We've decided to hold a sleepover for all the students in seventh year, tonight. It's our second to last night, and everyone will be too busy packing on Monday to do it. We will be playing truth or dare, I never and spin the bottle. Maybe you could sit next to me, we might get lucky' she winked at Hermione, who shuddered.

This was a crisis situation. She had to tell Ron.

She found him, unsurprisingly, shovelling down his breakfast in a way Hermione knew was going to take weeks of yoga to counter. She sighed, and headed over to the redheaded black hole.

Gently touching his shoulder to alert her presence, Ron swivelled around to see her. He noticed her expression and stopped eating. This looked serious. 'Ron, _Lavender _is organising a sleepover for tonight, and all the Gryffindor sevenths are coming. That means we have to. It could give us away, so you have to act just like I teach you, ok? It has truth or dare as well, so steer clear of questions such as 'why have you been acting so weird' ok?'

Ron sighed. It sounded like a lot of effort. 'Can't we just not go?' he asked reasonably 'No-one would even notice if we weren't there'. Hermione shook her head. 'I wish it was that simple, Ron. Can you imagine what they would think if both of us were mysteriously busy when the dorms are going to be empty all night?'

Ron grinned at her 'That might not be so bad. Better than me having to explain why I was in Malfoy's private room yesterday, and the whole business with you in my bed' she gasped, and said 'Well, you'll just have to put up with it. I'm not having everyone think I've not only done _that _with Malfoy AND you, and again the next day! They'll think I'm a _Lavender_!'

Eventually, inevitably, Ron gave in to Hermione's demands. He always did, but truth be told he didn't mind. He just liked the arguments with her that came before. That sorted, they wandered off to find an empty classroom where they could practice being each other.

'Ok, so how do we start going about this?' Ron asked, stretching his (well, Hermione's) body along a desk. He liked the way it bent more easily than his. Hermione hopped heavily onto the desk beside him. She hated the way it was so clumsy.

'Well, I thought I would teach you to be me first, then you could follow my example, and teach me.' She clapped her hands together robustly. 'First things first. You can NOT ruin my reputation further! Half the school thinks I was stupid enough to sleep with Malfoy' Ron smirked. 'And now, as if that wasn't bad enough, they think I slept with you!' The grin slid off Ron's face.

'As of now, you are Hermione. Top grades Hermione. Never handed in a piece of homework late Hermione. Goody two shoes Hermione. NOT _Lavender_ Hermione. You will answer well in class. Don't worry, I'll tell you the answers, you just have to say them. And for gods' sakes, please _walk_ like a girl! Don't do that gorilla thing! Swing your hips, raise your shoulders and stride! Try it' she ordered.

Ron obediently slid off the desk (rather reluctantly-they had been pretty close) and gave a spirited attempt. He looked like a demented clown. Hermione told him so. He glared at her. 'Ok, miss top grades Hermione, how is it supposed to be done?'

Hermione sighed, and jumped off the desk. She stood behind him and grasped his hips in either of her hands. 'Gently…just let the natural flow take it…good' she told him softly, leaning into his ear, and swayed his hips from side to side. Ron swivelled around in her hands, so he was facing her. They stared at each other for a long moment, until Hermione said abruptly 'Right! I think you've got the walk now.'

'Just a few other things. You can't sleep with me in the boys dorms every night. You'll have to sleep in the girls dorms sometime' Ron protested loudly. 'I can't sleep if I know you're alone with the lads! They're animals. Well, maybe not Harry, and Neville's never exactly going to be a Hell's angel, but Dean and Seamus are sick! If they knew who you were you'd be in real trouble. At least let me stay there to make sure they won't push anything'

Hermione laughed. 'They're better than you give them credit for! And I'm in your body. YOU'D be the one who had to watch out. You're very sweet, to worry about me like that' she grasped his hand affectionately 'but there's no need. I suppose it can't do me much more harm for you to stay again, but no more sleeping in the same bed, right?' she demanded.

Ron smirked at her. 'I'll try' he said. Hermione continued: 'Talk like me! I don't witter on about wonky faints and other unimportant matters. Keep it to stuff I say. You've know me for 6 years, you can improvise that' Ron nodded dubiously. Most of what Hermione said to him turned into white noise before it reached his ears. Except words like _Krum_, or _Bulgaria_, or _pen-pal_. His ears were finely tuned to hearing **those** words.

'What else…oh yes. Dress like me. That means top buttons, knee socks and no staring at my boobs!' Ron blushed. He had never truthfully expected Hermione to say such a word. 'That's pretty much it' she concluded. 'You were fairly girly as it was before the switch, so you should do fine'

'Hey' Ron retorted, offended. 'If I had my own, muscular, handsome body I would tickle you until you took that back. It's not my fault I'm too weak to defend myself now' Hermione stuck her tongue out at him. 'If you had your own body we wouldn't be in this mess, stupid!'

Ron grinned. 'And now you've got my body' she continued 'YOU'RE the ticklish one, and I have the strong body' she blushed at what she had said, and to mask it, she grabbed Ron, threw him onto their desk and started tickling him. She leaned over him as he cried with laughter.

'Stop, stop, please!' he begged, and she enjoyed seeing him in the position she had been in many times before. 'Not a chance!' she growled, launching herself into a full attack. Ron kicked and squirmed under his own body's weight, Hermione's hands relentlessly tickling him.

'What the Hell is going on in here?' a voice woke them from their daze, and Hermione scrambled off Ron, hastily rearranging her robes. A rather angry potions master was glaring at her. 'Weasley, were you just…_forcing_ yourself upon Miss Granger here?'

Ron gaped at Snape. Their last words came rushing back to the pair.

'_Stop, stop, please!' Hermione's voice had cried desperately, almost crying. Ron's voice had been forceful and angry-sounding. 'Not a chance!'_

That and Hermione lying on top of him couldn't have looked good. Anger surged his body. How could anyone believe that he would ever do such a thing to Hermione? Ok, so he was the poor defenceless one being tickled, but Snape didn't know that, did he?

Snape strode over to Hermione and grabbed her wrist, dragging her towards the door. Hermione squirmed against Snape's surprisingly strong, bony grip. 'Headmaster, Weasley!' Snape roared. Hermione cried out in pain as his grip tightened, dragging her towards the door. She tried to get away from him, twisting this way and that.

She glimpsed from the corner of her eye, she saw Ron advancing on the potions master's turned back, his face red and botchy. Her own screwed up in horror as Snape crumpled to the floor, and Ron rubbed his now very sore knuckles. '_Ron!_' she yelled, rushing over to him.

'You attacked him! He was a Death Eater, he'll be immune to _my _obliviating. What are we supposed to do!' Ron shrugged at her outburst. 'Dunno. Just had to do that. He was hurting you, Hermione' he said simply.

Hermione's expression softened a little. 'It's sweet the way you defended me' she conceded 'But we're still left with the little problem that you knocked out Snape, he's lying unconscious on the floor, and everyone will think it's me if we don't do anything'

Ron smirked at her last comment. 'Afraid the good-girl reputation might be tarnished?' he asked. Hermione glared at him. 'Everyone will think you were…pressuring me, too' she told him. Ron's face darkened. 'No-one who knows me would think that' he glowered. 'You know it. Don't you?'

Hermione raised an eyebrow. 'Of course I know it. Do you think I would have slept in a dorm full of teenaged boys last night if I didn't know you'd come?' Ron stared at her, confused. 'How did you know I'd come to the boys' dorm last night?' he asked, brow furrowed. 'Even I didn't know until about ten'

Hermione laughed. 'I did'.

* * *

I know I haven't updated in a while, so I'm sorry. I do have a life too though, you know (honest!). ;-) 

Review, or it'l take longer next time! Mwahahaha! Um, yeah.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I forgot to add a disclaimer last time, but did anyone really think that meant i'd obtained posession of the Harry Potter universe?

A.N. This chapter is dedicated to xXx.gryffindor.girl.xXx, who promised me a sugar coated Draco Malfoy with a cherry on top. How could I refuse?

* * *

'That should be about it for your lesson' Hermione told Ron. 'Now what do we do about you knocking out Snape?' Ron shrugged carelessly. 'Get Harry?' he suggested 'He's the hero'. Hermione stared at Snape's lifeless form on the floor. 

'We don't have much of an option, do we?' she asked. 'Just _please_ try to remember all those points I told you before. After all, Harry knows us best, and he'll be the hardest to fool. He's figured it out once already'

This agreed, they carefully sneaked to the library, and managed to persuade Harry that they needed his help, and to bring his invisibility cloak. They led him to the classroom, and locked the door behind them. Snape was still out cold on the floor. Harry stared.

'Which one of you did this, and why?' he asked 'Not that i'm complaining, mind'. Hermione glanced at Ron, pleadingly. If it got around that Hermione was not just a slut, but a proffessor puncher, she'd have to leave school, or at least tell everyone she had been in Ron's body for the last few days. Neither prospect was appealing.

Ron coughed. 'It was Ron' he said truthfully, and Harry turned to Hermione. 'I can't say i'm surprised' he laughed. 'What did he do, insult Hermione?'. Hermione looked embarrassed. 'He was hurting, uh , her'

Harry's features hardened. He strode over to Snape and gave him a swift kick in the groin. Snape, still unconcious, shuddered. 'So what do you need my help with?' Harry asked the gobsmacked pair. 'Gonna kill him? I've been practicing my cruciatus. Hermione, he didn't...force himself on you, did he?'

'No' Ron said, nervously sliding in front of Hermione protectively. 'He thought Ron did, though'. Harry laughed uproarously. 'RON! He thought Ron forced himself on you? Jeese, the order doesn't need someone so stupid as him. You're safer with him that anyone else in the world'

Hermione smiled at the blushing Ron. 'She knows that'.

Ron coughed, and the 'boys' turned their attention on him. 'Snape's still out cold, _guys_.' Hermione scowled at him. 'What do we do, Harry?' she asked 'Apart from taking the oppourtunity to kick him, of course'. Harry stared at the body thoughtfully. 'Well' he suggested 'We're in a potions dungeon. urely there's a potion I here to wipe his memory?'

Hermione lunged forwards and hugged Harry with her strong arms. Harry choked. Ron glowered. 'You're welcome, mate' Harry wheezed, and Hermione released him, apologising for hurting him. They began to search the surrounding cupboards, and eventually found something suitable. Harry poured it into Snape's mouth while Hermione berated Ron, who was hopefully unstoppering a bottle labelled 'Poison'.

Ron leaned in to 'help' Snape, when the potions master couched, blinked and asked icily 'Miss Granger, why am I on the floor, pray?'

Hermione groaned. Once again, her reputation was at risk. Her blushing body was leaning over a messed-up-looking Snape, who was lying on the floor of his own classroom, with no memory of the last few hours.

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Sorry this chapter was short, but at least it was fast, because I want my sugar-coated-cherry-topped-Draco Malfoy! Yay! Mmmmmmm. 


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I own this story! I claim this story for Great Britain, puppies everywhere, and fluffy-type things.

A.N, Ok, so I lied. It's not a long chapter like I promised. But it was fast. Tell me in your review whether you want long or fast. Um, actually, that sounded a bit wierd. You know what I mean. Don't take it the other way, or i'll have to up the rating of the chapter, and I don't want to, because this story's actually quite clean. The fluff just absorbs the smut.

* * *

Hermione decided to put her amazing brain to its best use, and had already formulated a plan. 'RUN!' she screamed, and she and the two boys legged it out of the room, leaving a very confused, slightly terrified Snape lying on the floor. They didn't stop running until they reached Gryffindor tower, and safety. 

Harry laughed. 'What were you two doing in that abandoned potions room anyway?' he asked. Ron and Hermione avoided each other's gaze; they could hardly say they were learning to be each other. Harry noticed, and looked away too. 'Forget it. I don't want to know. If you two want to have a threesome with, uh, Snape, then uh, I guess, uh'

Hermione laughed. 'Harry, shut up. I promise it was **nothing** like that. Aww, sometimes you can be as stupid as um, me' Hermione remembered herself in time, luckily just received a weird look from the chosen one.

'Yeah' Ron said, with an evil smirk. 'Ron didn't come in until I'd been in there for _ages._ He came just before you, Harry' Harry's eyes widened. Hermione's narrowed. Ron stared at his shoes, pretending to blush. 'Harry' said Hermione in a strained voice 'Can you leave _Hermione_ and I alone for a while, please?'

Harry nodded mutely, rather white. The minute he had closed the portrait behind him, Hermione wheeled around to Ron furiously. 'What were you insinuating just there?' she hissed, furious. Ron grinned cheekily. 'Jeese, 'Mione, did I get your brains with the body? I thought it was pretty obvious. Just a little teaser for calling me stupid'

Hermione glared. 'You don't realise what this means for me, do you? I'll never be able to look Snape in the face again! Everyone will think…oh Gods, that's two Slytherins in two days!'. Ron snickered 'I think I like being you. I'm finally getting that ultra-perfect reputation of yours down to something an ordinary human could manage'

Hermione growled, frustrated. 'I spent _years _building up that reputation; I won't let you ruin it in two days! Why are you making people think I'm a whore!' a wave of horror passed across Hermione's face. 'You're making me like _Lavender_, aren't you?' she whispered. Ron made a noise of shocked protest, but she already had tears leaking out of the sides of her copper-sulphate blue eyes.

Harry came back in after a while, and found the common room empty, apart from a white and shaking Ron. Harry came over, concerned. 'Hermione, what happened?' he asked, settling down onto the couch next to Ron. Ron shook his head, and just gestured in the direction Hermione had run off, up to the boys' dorms.

'What did he do?' asked Harry sympathetically. Ron just murmured 'We had a fight'. Harry sighed. This wasn't the first time he had seen this happen. 'Listen, Hermione' he said, consolingly wrapping his arm around Ron's shoulders 'Ron'll apologise for the stupid thing he said, whatever it was. He always does. You don't have to worry about it anyway. You'll always have me' he gave Ron a tight hug, using one hand to stroke his back soothingly.

Ron's eyes narrowed. He tried to pull out of the hug, but Harry clung on, apparently unaware that Ron was trying to move away, being so much stronger that Hermione's body. Neither noticed the portrait swing open, until they heard a shrill voice calling spitefully Harry's name.

'Watch out, Harry!' _Lavender_ called nastily. 'That whore's got all on the list but one. She's got Malfoy, Snape, and my Won-won, so you're the only one left!' she and Parvati giggled. Harry turned utterly green releasing Ron, who clenched his fists so tightly his nails cut into his palms. 'Sorry, Harry' he apologised 'I think i'd better go and make things better with, uh, Ron'. Harry nodded. 'I think it's important you do' he said 'I think i'll just go to Madame Pomfrey, I feel kind of sick all of a sudden...' and lurched out of the portrait.

Ron scuttled up the stairs to the boys' dorms. He gently pushed open the door to his own dorm, and saw that the curtains on Harry's bed were closed. They were the only ones closed in the room. A faint sobbing noise could be heard from behind the thick red velvet. He tiptoed over to them, and pulled Harry's cloak out; he had not yet given it back to Harry after they used it to get to the dungeons.

Hermione heard the swish of cloth, and ripped the curtains open, but of course she couldn't see anyone. 'Anyone there?' she asked uncertainly. When she got no reply, she went back the bed. She had, however, seemingly done crying. More characteristically, she was now angry. She groused to herself 'Stupid Ron' she muttered, and Ron's ears turned pink under the cloak. 'So bloody stupid'

Ron's eyes lit up. Hermione swore when no-one was around! He grinned goofily, he rather liked this side of her, even if she was cursing his stupidity. She was probably right about that, anyway. She was usually right about things. 'Why can't he just **see** what's under his sodding nose?' she asked herself out loud 'Why did he have to go off with that _Lavender_ slapper?'

Ron blushed, feeling terrible he hurt Hermione. He wasn't quite sure why, but he hoped he knew how to fix it. Hermione usually did this. 'Beacuse I AM stupid' he mumbled. Hermione's head snapped up, and she gasped. 'Ron! You're under the cloak, aren't you?' Ron slid it off his head, knowing it was useless to try to trick Hermione. 'Yeah' he admitted. 'And you're right, I **am** stupid. I really never meant to hurt you, I swear. I'd never do that. Please believe me'

Hermione's expression softened from murderous fury to just grevious bodily harm fury. 'You're infuriating. I can't even stay angry at you.' Ron grinned hopefullay at her. 'Am I forgiven?' he asked, his best puppy dog eyes working desperately. Hermione sighed. 'I suppose' she said grudgingly. Ron brightened up, and hugged her. 'Does this mean we can go down to dinner now then?' he whispered in her ear.

Hermione growled. 'You're infuriating!' she told him. Ron just nodded and hugged her harder. He hated it when she got away from him.

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Review if you thought this chapter was good, bad, you didn't read it, you're bored, lonely, or just really feel like doing a good thing today!


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Don't own it...yet!

A.N. Enjoy!

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Ron and Hermione proceeded downstairs to the Great hall together, occasionally snatching glances at each other. They were a little late for dinner, so everyone had already started their food, and they plopped down either side of the Chosen One. Harry leaned to one side, and whispered mischievously to Ron 'Told you he'd apologise'. 

Ron nodded sagely. 'He did, and I feel so glad he did', smiling benevolently at Hermione across a grinning Harry. Ron ate with even more than his usual gusto, having horrifically missed lunch. Hermione sighed, and followed his lead. She might as well, she thought, while she was in a body that never, frustratingly, got fat.

The three of them ambled up to the Gryffindor common room together, where Harry had to suddenly leave, having spotted Ginny walking to her room. Ron smirked. Hermione thumped him 'Stop looking so smug!' she told him off. He rubbed his arm, looking offended. 'Is it so wrong I want my baby sister to date someone who would be good for her for a change?'

Hermione laughed. 'He's terrified he doesn't have your approval, you know' she mentioned, and Ron snorted. 'I know. That's what stops him going too far. He knows if he hurts her, the wizarding world will need a new saviour'. Hermione smiled. Ron suddenly became solemn. 'Hermione, I need to tell you something' 'Yes, Ron?' she asked.

'I need a shower' Hermione's smile fell. 'Really? Now?' Ron nodded, and Hermione groaned. 'You couldn't have told me earlier, could you? Everyone will have gone to bed now, and the only showers are in the bathrooms adjoining the dorms!' Ron looked nervous. 'Sorry' he apologised. 'I wasn't going to say anything, but I feel all gross'

Hermione sighed. 'I should have expected this. You're still on, aren't you?' Ron nodded, as if this were an everyday occurrence. He was getting rather used to the idea now, even though it still freaked him out if he thought about it too much. 'Well, as much as I hate to say this, you probably do need one. So do I, if I'm honest. It looks as if we've got one option'

'Which is?' Ron prompted. 'Go up to your dorm, and get Harry's cloak' she instructed. Knowing better than to question Hermione's orders when she obviously had a plan in mind, he scuttled up the stone staircase, and pushed the door open. Dean and Seamus were only in their boxers. Having seen this sight many times before, he ignored it, but the surprised lads seemed to have other ideas.

'Come back for more, have you, Herms?' Seamus asked, as Dean snickered. _Herms?_ Ron thought. _Her name is Hermione!_. Seamus sauntered over to the irritated Ron. 'Like what you see, then, sweetie?' Ron gagged, and pulled his robes tighter around himself.

'I just came up here to get something from Harry's trunk' he protested. The boys grinned. 'Come on, baby, I could give you much more than that' Seamus insisted. Ron pushed past him. After this, he was never going to let them come near Hermione. 'Come on, 'Mione, just a kiss!' Seamus exclaimed, and stalked over to Ron.

'_Mione? 'MIONE! _Ron thought furiously. No-one called her that but him, in their most intimate moments. (A.N. Not like that! Not yet, anyway ;-D ) Before he was aware what had happened, he had smacked Seamus in the face so hard he left a handprint. Seamus backed away, staggered.

'I don't think she likes you calling her that, Seamus, mate. You KNOW she only lets Ron call her that' said Dean. _Damn straight!_ thought Ron, who crossly snatched Harry's cloak from his trunk, and stomped back out of the room. Down in the common room, Hermione was waiting, and immediately noticed Ron's irate expression. 'What happened?' she asked.

'They called you, well, who they thought was you, 'Mione!' Ron hissed. Hermione took a sharp inward breath, and clapped a hand over her mouth. 'They didn't!' she insisted 'Surely not?'. Ron nodded. 'Ugh! They think they have the right to call me that! Only, well, I suppose only you have the right to call me that'

Ron nodded again. 'I should think so too' he added indignantly, at which Hermione smiled. 'Did you at least get the cloak?' she asked him. 'Yep!' he told her, and handed it over proudly. 'But I don't see what you need it for'. She grinned at him. 'I don't need it. You do'

Ron's face crinkled up in confusion. 'Why do I need it?'. Hermione sighed. 'You need a shower tonight, right?' 'Uh-huh' he replied, slowly. 'Then, as I won't let you use the girls' showers, because _Lavender _has the unfortunate habit of joining other girls in the shower and commenting on their breasts, you will be showering in the boys' showers. The invisibility cloak is because, as you have seen, if Seamus hears of it, he will probably do much the same as _Lavender_'.

Ron nodded mutely. Hermione thumped him again, awakening him from his daze. 'Ow!' he protested. Hermione scowled at him. 'Get the damn cloak on, Ron!' she told him, apparently unaware she had sworn. Ron grinned. He loved it when she let herself go. Gods, Hermione swearing…

Hermione thumped him again. 'Get out of your bloody daydream now and get upstairs!' she insisted. Ron was grinning widely as he slipped the cloak over his head. He followed her, still slightly stunned. Hermione pushed the door open. Dean and Seamus looked nervously at him. Hermione decided to pretend as though she knew nothing about the 'Mione incident…for now.

'Just gonna have a shower, ok guys?' she asked in her most butch tone. Unfortunately, it was rather convincing. The two boys nodded, relieved that 'Hermione' hadn't told 'him' about the whole flirting, nickname thing. Hermione went into the large bathroom, dragging Ron behind her and magically locking the door behind her. She was taking no risks.

'You can take off the cloak now' she told him. Ron did as she said, but looked around him, bewildered. 'Um, 'Mione?' he asked. She smiled at the proper use of her nickname. 'Yes, Ron?' she replied. 'Why the Hell are you in here with me?' he asked.

'Oh, Ron' she told him, exasperatedly. 'You didn't think I'd let you shower on your own, did you?'

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Ok, so this one wasn't much longer, but I'm getting them out faster these days. That was just a cliff-hanger I HAD to end the chapter on. Review, tell me I'm great, a fantastic author, imaginative, creative, perverted, whatever, just review! 


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter. Did I have you fooled? No? Damn, you lot are smart!

A.N. I'm sorry for the slip up last chapter, I completely forgot about the prefect's bathrooms. I could make up some stupid excuse why they didn't use that instead, as it would make SO much more sense, but I can't even think of one.

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Ron stared at her. 'Together?' he croaked, his throat strangely dry. 'Of course' she said briskly. 'I'm not having you wash my body, so I'll do it. Then you do yours. Close your eyes and take your clothes off, then we can get started'. Ron obeyed, slamming his eyes shut, and began to struggle out of his clothes. From the rustle of cloth he could hear, Hermione was doing the same. 

Then he hit the same problem he had last night. At least this time he had someone to help him. 'Hermione?' he asked, embarrassed. 'Yes, Ron?' she replied. 'I can't get this bra off'. Hermione opened her eyes and stared. 'You've never taken a bra off before?' she grinned. 'Not off myself' he shot back.

Hermione scowled. It was lucky Ron's eyes were still shut, or he'd have run for his life from that look. 'Come here, you stupid git' she growled, and he did as she said, shivering slightly when she swore. He felt a large rough hand on his back, slight pressure then a cold feeling as the bra dropped away. 'There. I assume you can do the rest yourself?' she asked icily, and Ron nodded blindly.

'Uh, 'Mione?' he asked. 'What now, Ron?' she sighed. 'How could you see to take my bra off? Your eyes aren't open, are they?' his own eyes shot open. 'They are!' he exclaimed. 'Hypocrite! You're allowed to open your eyes but I'm not? Don't you trust me?'

Hermione frowned at him. 'Ron, _please_ don't look down. Keep looking at me, and I'll do the same. Look at your own body, don't look down. I trust you, of course I do, but somehow I'm not quite sure I can look at you the same again if you've seen my boobs'. Ron nodded solemnly. 'All right, I promise not to look. Don't be a hypocrite in this too though; I don't fancy a description on the list'

Hermione smiled 'Wouldn't _Lavender_ have written one? If she can write, that is'. Ron shook his head violently. 'She couldn't; she never got that far'. Hermione's smile widened. 'Ok, let's get on. Your hair's disgusting, turn around and I'll wash it'

Ron did as she said, and soon Hermione's large hands were massaging a fruity smelling lather through his long bushy hair. 'Mmmmmmmmmm' he moaned. Hermione sniggered. 'What kind of a noise was that?' she asked. Ron coughed, embarrassed. 'It felt kind of nice' he muttered. Hermione shoved his head under the shower spray, surprising him.

'That was mean!' he exclaimed. 'You brought it on yourself!' Hermione laughed. 'Turn back around, I've got to do your conditioner or it'll explode by morning'. Ron's brows furrowed, confused. 'Conditioner? What the Hell's conditioner?' he asked, looking slightly scared. Hermione rubbed some into his hair. 'It's stuff that makes you hair smooth and shiny' she explained. 'So your hair looks like it does even with this conditioner stuff on it?' Ron asked incredulously.

'Hoi!' Hermione protested, plunging his head back in the water 'Come on, it's your turn. Wash this manky red mop you call hair!' Ron spun around, so he was facing Hermione's back, and began to scrub his small hands into Hermione's ginger hair. 'Damn, my arse looks good from behind' he commented. 'Ron!' she protested. 'That's very off putting'.

'Come on, tell me honestly you've never thought that' he teased. 'Ron! Don't you dare be so callous. I hardly _ever_ look at your…I mean I've never looked at your…I mean except at Quidditch practice…I mean, oh, shut up!' Ron was grinning like a pumpkin. 'You waaaaant me!' he sang. Hermione scowled.

'Admit it!' he insisted, letting the water rinse the shampoo from Hermione's red soapy hair. 'No!' she told him sternly. 'If you don't shut up I'll wipe that smile off your face' she warned him. Ron smirked. 'Try it' he challenged. Hermione grinned 'Sit down on the side over there, eyes closed - I need to shave your legs'. The smile was wiped off Ron's face.

He did as ordered, though, and kept his eyes tightly shut as Hermione scraped a razor up his legs, rinsing them as she went. ''Mione, do you _have_ to do this?' he groaned as she nicked his ankle. Hermione scoffed. 'You boys expect girls to have lovely smooth legs. Just because you realise what a drag it is now, doesn't mean you can just not do it. I do that every day, you can put up with it for a month'.

Ron shut up at this telling off, until he felt his arm being lifted, and yelped. 'What the Hell are you doing?' he squeaked. 'Underarms' she said simply, and dragged the razor over Ron's armpits until they were clear of hair.

'Are we done yet?' Ron complained. 'Pretty much' Hermione agreed. 'Just need to exfoliate, otherwise I'll have pores big enough to fit a dragon's egg in tomorrow'. Hermione began to rub some silky lotion into Ron's cheeks, and over his T-zone. 'Ow!' he protested as a little got in his eye. 'Sorry' she apologised, grinning slightly. She always got that stuff in her eyes; it was nice for someone else to feel the effects for once.

'Alright, we're done' she finally told him after they had managed to rinse the last of the lotion from his eye. 'You can have a few more minutes in the shower, then we have to get out, or Harry'll _eventually_ wonder where we've gone'. Ron nodded, and closed his eyes in bliss as the hot water ran over him. Hermione wandered off to search the huge bathroom for towels.

Ron had always enjoyed showers; at home there was always someone wanting to get in after him, and at Hogwarts the other lads tended to burst in whenever they wanted a shower, and never knocked. He let the warm spray soak across his whole body, minding to keep his hands firmly in his hair. That and they were pretty tangled up in it; he probably couldn't have removed them if he tried. Not that he would try-if he let his hands wander Hermione would probably handcuff him so it didn't happen again. He wasn't taking any chances.

He moaned loudly at the relaxing mist of temperate liquid, much a he had done when Hermione had been shampoo-ing his hair. He became gradually aware of a sniggering from a few feet away, and cautiously opened an eye a crack, to see whether Hermione was back to mock him for groaning in the shower, and would rebuke him for opening his eyes.

They shot open in horror when he realised who his real audience was.

* * *

A.N. Ok, so anyone with half a brain can guess who it is. I do like to end on cliff-hangers though.

Review, review, review. People who don't will be destined to cookielessness.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I COULD be JK. If I was born her. Which I wasn't. But I COULD have been.

A.N. Sorry about the wait. I've been off trawling through my family tree, trying to find a way I could be related to JK. No such luck.

* * *

He saw a flash of disappearing brown hair. There were only two lads in his year with brown hair; Neville and Seamus, and let's face it, Neville wasn't much of a Peeping Tom. Hermione came rushing up from the other side of the bathroom wearing a Gryffindor towel wrapped around her waist. 'What's up?' she asked, concerned, whilst handing a longer towel to Ron. 

Ron snatched it, wrapping it firmly around himself, glaring at the door. 'Seamus was in here just now' he told her, and Hermione looked furious. 'This is all I need! If I obliviate him again, the chances are he'll get brain damage. Not that anybody would notice' she added snidely.

Ron sniggered. 'You can shut up too' she berated 'You're the one that got me in this mess'. Ron scowled. 'I though _you _had put a spell on the lock!' he replied 'You're not passing off all the blame on me!'

Hermione gasped. 'I did! It wasn't my best spell, but you were under the cloak, I didn't expect any interruptions. Unless it was your body he was interested in seeing, which I doubt' she smirked 'He must have known my body was in here'. Ron's eyes widened. 'Bloody Hell! How do you think he knew that?'

'Don't swear, Ron'. Hermione said absentmindedly. 'Let's ask him. I'm stumped' she suggested, and Ron laughed. 'That must be a first!' Hermione smiled at him, and headed towards the door. 'Oi!' she yelled. 'Seamus Finnegan, how in Merlin's name did you know Hermione was in there, and why did you burst in on her?!'

Seamus looked terrified. 'I heard her moaning, and I'd seen you go in there earlier. I figured you two had finally figured out…you know'. Ron and Hermione blushed. 'All right then, Ron?' he asked nervously. 'No, I am not all right!' Hermione glared. 'If you don't stop harassing Hermione I'm going to kill you. Better yet, I'll kill you anyway!' Seamus backed away, wand raised shaking in front of him. He also knew what happened to guys who tried to 'Get to know' Hermione Granger while Ron Weasley was around.

'Stop!' he cried desperately. 'I'll never come near her again. I know you're the one she wants. I'll do anything! I'll date Lavender to prove it! I wouldn't dare go near Hermione again, you know how jealous of Hermione Lavender is!' Hermione grinned slightly against her will. Ron leaned forward to Hermione's ear and whispered 'Told you so'.

'Besides, I'm not stupid enough to let your anger and Hermione's mind mix, I'd end up as a frog!' Ron and Hermione smiled at each other. Hermione stuck her hand out. 'I think we have a deal' she said to Seamus, who gratefully shook it. Ron tried to protest, saying he hadn't been punished enough, but Hermione grinned. 'Dating _Lavender_ is punishment enough' she insisted 'Besides, it's my body, and I'll deal with it how I want'.

'Now, Seamus' she instructed 'Come over here' she commanded. Seamus looked hesitant. 'Why?' he asked uneasily 'I thought we'd sorted it all out'. Hermione sighed. 'I'm just going to remove the memory. I can't leave you with it, can I?'. Seamus shook his head determinedly. 'Nu huh' he refused. 'Not you. Hermione can take the memory out, I'm not having **you** put a wand to my head! Besides, it's her body, and it's a damn good memory. She won't want you leering.'

Ron and Hermione looked at each other. 'Ok, _Hermione_' Hermione said slowly, 'You know the spell, it's _ecapitrahe_'. Ron nodded, and placed his wand to Seamus' temple. 'Ecapitrahe!' he said, slightly shakily. A silvery liquid flowed from Seamus' head into Ron's wand and up his arm. Ron stowed his wand away and grinned. 'Now get out, I'm getting changed. You too, Dean!' he added, and Dean, who had been silent through the whole exchange scuttled out after the relieved (but disappointed) Seamus.

Once the door had slammed firmly shut, Hermione put her **best** locking spell and a silencing spell on the room. Ron was smirking at her, rather roguishly. 'What's up with you?' she asked. Ron grinned. 'I've got Seamus' memory. He was right, it is a damn good memory'. Hermione gasped. 'You sod! Don't think of it!' Ron continued to stare into space, smiling dreamily. 'I didn't break the rules, 'Mione' he said happily. 'It's fair, _I_ didn't look'.

Hermione glared. 'I said I'd never be able to look at you the same way if you'd seen me naked!' she scolded him. 'I'm taking that memory, like it or not'. She advanced on him, wand raised. Ron backed away. 'I want to keep it! It's a great memory, don't be a spoilsport'. Hermione sighed. 'Fine, you have the choice. Either I take that memory, or I get one of my own' she raised an eyebrow suggestively.

Ron's face creased up in inner conflict. 'Well?' asked Hermione, confident of victory. 'I'll keep it' Ron said firmly. Hermione looked shell shocked. 'What? Don't you mean 'Ok, Hermione, take it, I respect your wish?''. Ron shook his head. 'Nope' he replied 'Pretty certain I mean I'll keep it. It's worth anything you could find out about me. Besides, we both know I'm fabulous, you're dying for a look'

'Ronald Bilious Weasley, you are the most arrogant, perverted, infuriating guy I have ever had the misfortune to meet! If you don't give me that memory RIGHT NOW…' she threatened. Ron shook his head again. 'Fair's fair. I didn't break any rules, and you said it was my choice. I've chosen'

Hermione stared at him for a minute, waiting for him to give in. He didn't. 'Fine! But I'll get it eventually, just watch me!' she declared. Ron looked nervous, but went back to the memory, and began to grin stupidly again. Hermione huffed angrily, and strode over to his trunk, shoving on a pair of maroon pyjamas. 'Is EVERYTHING you own maroon?' she asked, exasperated.

Ron nodded as she threw him another pair of his own pyjamas. She never thought the first time she would be wearing his pyjamas would be like this…._anyway, shut up brain. _She thought guiltily. 'Yup' he said amiably, pulling on the pyjamas she had thrown on him. 'My mum can't get it out of her head that I hate maroon. She has enough to think about what with there being seven of us, but still…'

Hermione shrugged. 'My parents have only got me, and they still forget allsorts. Like how I'm not going to hook up with any of their muggle friends' sons, no matter how hard they try' she said in disgust. Ron's expression changed. 'What?' he asked, fuming. 'Oh' Hermione laughed 'They've been inviting their friends around, using the whole 'Why don't you bring young so and so along? Our Hermione's home from school, I'm sure she'd _love _to meet him, such a _nice_ young man…'. As if. They asked loads over, and there was only ONE who was even vaguely decent!'

'Oh?' asked Ron, trying to look as if he didn't care 'Who was that then?'. 'Just some guy, called Sam. He's training to be a dentist, like both our parents. My parents don't want me marrying a wizard, they feel unable to connect with this world, the wizarding world. They want grandchildren who are muggles like them. I'd be a bit disappointed if my kids weren't magical, but Sam seemed nice enough, and it'd please my parents, I suppose'.

'What's he like then, this Sam?' Ron asked, not looking at Hermione. 'Um, he's nice. He's clever, he's going to be a dentist like our parents, he's sporty; he's a fantastic footballer. I went along to a few of his matches, you know, for support.' Ron made a nun-committal shrug 'How do you think he'd react to you being a witch?' he asked. 'No idea' she said cheerfully 'It's not the kind of thing you drop into everyday conversation, is it?'

Ron grunted. 'Don't know about that. Anyway, muggles are bad news. You'd be better off with a guy who understood your brilliance, not treated you like a freak. Someone who's part of your world'. Hermione glared at him furiously 'Muggles are bad news? My PARENTS are muggles! You can't say that about them, Ronald Weasley! You know **nothing **about their world, my **other** world! You're a pureblood though, I wouldn't expect YOU to understand!' she bellowed, and marched into the bathroom, slamming the door.

* * *

A.N. Review! I wrote TWO versions of this chapter, but I deleted the other one 'cos it was rubbish. But that means I put in TWICE as much effort to this chapter. So I definitely deserve a review. 


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: If I was JK, the books would be called 'Ron and Hermione and the fluff mountain'. Harry and Ginny would only have walk on parts.

A.N. Thank you to my wonderful reviewers. I love you all! Cookies to everyone. Good ones, not fake, healthy cookies.

* * *

Ron stormed over to the bathroom, wrenching the door open. 'I can't believe you're throwing that in my face!' he roared 'Do you think I asked to be born a pureblood? That stuff means nothing to me, you know that, Hermione!'. Hermione scowled. 'Do I? Let's think. You insulted my parents, said all muggles are bad news, and currently have a memory in your mind I'd rather not be there, but you kept it, knowing it's making me uncomfortable!' 

Ron glared at her 'Why are you suddenly acting as if I'm Draco sodding Malfoy? That's not me. I'm not prejudiced against muggles or muggleborns, and I certainly don't act like him! You know I'm not like him, do I look like a Slytherin to you? I've had you over to my house every holiday since second year! Don't you DARE accuse me of that! I couldn't help being born pureblooded, so don't take your anger out on me. If you don't know that about me, Hermione, you know NOTHING about me'

'I know you're not like him. Did I say you were? Do you think I would spend a second alone with you if I thought you were? I wouldn't have come to your house even **once** if you acted like him. The fact of the matter is that you just insulted my parents, and my bloodline! Apologise! You will NOT make this look like it's my fault' she shouted back stubbornly.

Ron threw his hands in the air. 'Fine! I apologise. I really didn't mean to insult your family, and certainly not your parents. I wouldn't dare, your dad scares the life out of me'. Hermione giggled against her will. 'Good. I don't know why my dad would scare you; he's a big softy really. He's always been very complimentary about you. For a wizard'

'He didn't act it when I floo'd over to your house last summer' Ron said cautiously 'He bellowed at me. He seemed to think I was, well, Draco Malfoy, Death Eater in training. I tried to be polite; I called him 'Sir' and everything!' Ron looked disgruntled. 'I know you tried, Ron, and I appreciate it' Hermione said calmly, walking over to him.

'He's like that with all wizards. Especially you and Harry; he's very suspicious of you two. Just because you're my best friends, he seems to think one of you will, oh, I don't know' she sighed. 'He really doesn't trust me. I suppose that's why he's been trying to set up all these 'alternatives''.

Ron looked angry. 'Bloody Hell 'Mione! If I knew he'd been that rude about wizards, I wouldn't have been on my best behaviour, I would have hexed him!' Hermione hit him gently on the arm 'Don't be stupid, Ron. How would that help improve his opinion of wizards?'. Ron shrugged. 'Dunno. Maybe he'd be impressed with a bat-bogey hex?' he asked hopefully.

'I don't think so' Hermione smiled. 'It's easier just to go along with the dinners, and count down the days until I can get back to Hogwarts. And you, of course'. Ron blushed. 'How about you stay a bit longer this holiday? Right until we come back? You'd be welcome, my mum adores you. I think she likes you better than me, actually' he offered.

Hermione grinned 'Seriously?' Ron nodded. Hermione threw her arms around him. 'Thanks, Ron! I'll send Pig to my parents tonight; they've gone to the Alps to ski again.' She rushed off to grab the tiny owl which was currently hooting contentedly on top of Ron's wardrobe, and attach a letter explaining where she would be to his leg. She tossed him out of the window, where he promptly got blown off, due to the fierce wind. She smiled 'Looks like it's going to take a few days'.

'I think I'll brush my teeth and this red mop, and be off to bed' she told him tiredly. 'Am I staying in here again tonight?' Ron asked, as Hermione came back into the bathroom. 'Of course' she looked oddly at him 'It's only two more nights, my reputation can't go any further down the drain. Besides, no-one who knows me will really think I'm collecting the list; Harry's the last one, supposedly, and we both know THAT'S not gonna happen'.

'Yeah, he's too busy drooling over my baby sister' Ron said scowling. Hermione grabbed a brush and began tearing it through her flaming hair. 'I think it's sweet! It's nice Harry's found someone, and Ginny's got someone who will treat her right. Merlin knows she's had more than her fair share of stinkers'. Ron looked slightly mollified. 'You think?' he asked, and Hermione nodded sincerely.

'Harry's too scared of you to do anything bad' Hermione told him, and Ron puffed his chest out proudly. 'Only looking out for her, you know, doing my duty' he said, and Hermione laughed. 'Don't get too excited; he's scared of this body, not just your temper. I really have no idea why, this body's very nice once you get used to it. And you're a kitten really, aren't you?' she smirked as Ron looked highly affronted.

'Besides' she continued 'Harry would never push Ginny, he's not like that. He's a cutie, though' she winked 'If Ginny's like the rest of us, she wouldn't need asking twice. That list's there for a reason'. Ron turned bright red. 'I think it might be a good idea if I stayed with the 'other' girls tonight' he said firmly, and snatched up his duvet, marching over to the door. He tried to open it.

''Mione, I can't open the door' he complained. She laughed. 'You saw me lock it! I'll open it, give me a second' She did as she said, holding it open for him. Ron hesitated. ''Mione, will you stay with me?' he asked, embarrassed. Hermione snatched up her duvet too. 'Of course I will, although I've no idea why on earth you don't want us to stay here tonight' she replied innocently. They went together down the stairs to the common room, where they found Seamus, Dean and Neville sat waiting patiently.

'Finally!' Seamus said exasperatedly, and ran up the stairs past them. Neville explained 'I don't know what you two were doing up there, but someone locked the door and put a silencing charm on! We've been waiting here for hours, you couldn't hear us yell' and he scuttled off to bed with the other guys. Hermione burst out laughing. 'I'd completely forgotten about that. Poor things'.

Ron didn't look so happy. 'Why wasn't Harry waiting down here? He'd better not still be with my sister. The wizarding world will need a new saviour. This one will be… indisposed'. Hermione grinned. 'Indisposed? My body's rubbing off on you! Look, I'll levitate myself up the stairs, if you guide me along. The stairs will turn into a slide in this body'.

Ron did as she said, pulling the floating Hermione by the hand up the stairs until they reached the top. Hermione flicked her wand, and landed heavily in a heap, clutching at Ron to keep her balance. 'Gerroff, 'Mione' Ron said in a muffled voice, and Hermione clambered up from him. 'Sorry' she apologised 'I guess I'm not quite used to this body yet'.

'Come on' she continued 'I know you're not going to be happy until you've seen Ginny's alone. It's the one on the left' Ron nodded gratefully, and headed over to the closed door. Hermione sighed, and started towards her own dorm. There were muffled voices coming from the room in front of him. Ron twisted the handle and walked in cautiously. 'Gin?' he asked, his eyes firmly on the floor.

'Oh, hi Herm' Ginny said in a relieved voice 'It's ok, Harry, it's only Hermione'. A sheepish Harry climbed out of her wardrobe. 'Sorry, Herm. We thought you might be Ron, or that idiotic pair from your dorm'. Harry bent down and kissed Ginny gently on the lips, reached out to hug 'Hermione', and headed towards the door.

He fell in shock when Ron slapped him hard across the face. Ginny shrieked. 'What am I supposed to have done?' Harry asked desperately. Hermione rushed in, startled by the noise. Harry groaned 'Oh, Gods. This is all we need'.

* * *

A.N. I am in no way a H/Hr shipper. Check my profile if you don't believe me. Pumpkin pie shipping is DELUSION, but I do like to tease poor, insecure Ron with it. Also I thought I would give a nice Halloween present to my reviewers, so that's two chapters in two days. That, and to apologise for the wait. Happy Halloween! 


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: If I was JK I would be so rich I could pay people to go around ringing bells, saying how great I am. But I'm not, so I can't. You'll just have to trust me. ;-)

A.N. Well, this chapter's going to be a bit confusing. Try to remember that Ron is Hermione, visa versa, and Ginny and Harry don't know this. NB I sail the good ship, I really do, but come on, misunderstandings are great! ;-)

A big, long, fast chapter. Aren't you lucky? Don't expect them this fast for much longer, i'm snowed under in work and I ought to be doing it now, really.

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'Ron!' Ginny called, and ran to 'her brother'. 'What happened, uh, Gin?' she asked dazedly. 'Hermione slapped Harry when she saw him kiss me. I think they must be going behind my back.' She buried her head in a furious Hermione's shoulder. Harry looked utterly horrified. 'Ginny! How could you believe that?' he asked, hurt. 

'Oh, it makes so much sense! She's your best friend, you've been through so much together, I just always assumed it was Ron she wanted! How could I have been so stupid? How could you do this to me?' she shrieked. Hermione came forwards, glaring at Ron, saying 'I can explain all this, trust me!'. Ginny tutted 'I'm sorry for you too, Ron, but there's no point trying to defend them'.

Ron sighed. 'Can I see 'Ron' for a moment?' he asked tiredly. Ginny glowered at 'her'. 'Not a chance!' she yelled 'You're not hurting him like you've hurt me, you cow!'. Ron scowled at her. He didn't like his little sister calling Hermione names like that, even if she did think she had a good excuse. 'I'm telling you, I can sort this out' he said 'Just give me _one minute _to talk to 'Ron'.

'NO!' Ginny bellowed furiously 'I know what you're going to say to him. You will NOT hurt my brother like you did me, you evil bitch!'. Hermione gasped and clapped her hand over her mouth, Harry shook his head in disbelief and Ron turned white in shock. Ron had had enough. He couldn't let his sister go on attacking Hermione for something he was fairly certain she hadn't done. At least he desperately _hoped_ Ginny was wrong…but he couldn't wreck his sister's relationship. Not to mention give Harry and Hermione…_ideas_.

'Hermione didn't slap him, you little monster!' he yelled 'I did!'. Ginny stared at him. 'How is that different?' she bawled back. 'I'm Ron! She and I switched bodies. I hit him because he shouldn't be in your room at this time of night' he hollered, and the other three blinked in astonishment. Ginny stared speculatively at Ron. 'Ok, ok, I believe there's nothing going on with you and Harry' she said, and Ron and Hermione breathed a sigh on relief.

'No-one would make up such a ridiculous story if they were guilty' she laughed. Ron and Hermione were amazed. They hadn't expected this. 'Go on, boys, get out of my room, I'm going to sleep. Shoo' Ginny wafted them out gently, settling for just a relieved hug from Harry, as 'Ron' was there.

A confused Harry said 'I'll be up in our dorm, Ron, mate. Night, Herm' to Ron and Hermione, and slid off down the stairs shaking his head as if trying to get water out of his ears.

'You still want to sleep in the girls dorms?' asked Hermione, still utterly bemused at the past half hour's events. 'Uh. I guess. I don't want your reputation utterly destroyed' he grinned. Hermione hit him on the arm, and pushed him towards a closed door on the other side of the anteroom. Ron shoved it open, and no sooner had the pair got inside, the door snapped shut. Lavender pocketed her wand, smirking.

'We heard everything' she crowed, and Parvati nodded, looking as if Christmas had come early. 'Well, well, well' Lavender drawled, strolling towards the frozen pair 'Hermione Granger has collected the set before me. All four. We never expected it of _you_. I **started** that list'. Lavender stuck her hand out briskly, and Ron nervously shook it. Lavender wrenched 'her' by the hand, pulling him into a hug.

'We never thought you'd fit in, Hermie' she sniffed 'But you're truly our sister. Now, to business. What're they like?' she asked eagerly. Ron and Hermione stared at each other, dumbfounded. 'What was I saying about uh, _my_ reputation destroyed?'. Hermione giggled nervously. If those two thought she had got the whole list in two days, the whole school would think it was fact by Monday morning.

'Actually' she began, inwardly grimacing as she waited for Ron to realise what she was doing ''Hermione' hasn't done all of that list. I…wouldn't allow it'. Lavender and Parvati's mouths dropped open. Ron wheeled around, his eyes wide and utterly confused. Hermione wrapped her arms around him protectively. 'Hermione, how long have you and Ron been, I mean, you know, my Gods' Parvati babbled.

Hermione answered for him. ''Hermione has never done Harry, let alone Snape or Malfoy. Have you, 'Mione?' she asked Ron, who shook his head dumbly. If he had ever DARED to talk to her like this, she would have fed him to the Giant Squid, but she needed to get out of there. That wasn't going to happen while _Lavender _thought there was something she wanted to know, that wasn't being told to her.

'I don't believe it' said Lavender firmly 'Ron and Hermione getting together is one of the signs of the apocalypse. Prove it'. Hermione groaned. _Lavender_ wasn't quite as stupid as she thought. There was only one way she was getting out of this with a tatter of reputation left. Before Ron knew what was happening, she swung Ron around, dipped him in front of the two shocked girls, and pressed her lips gently to Ron's in a chaste kiss.

The girls screamed. Lavender flicked her wand at the door, which burst open. 'Out, out, out!' she insisted. 'Tales of Malfoy and the Chosen one are one thing, but I don't want to see that! Get a room, preferably far, FAR away from this one!'. The pair hurried out as Lavender began to levitate heavy objects towards them, fast.

Hermione shook her head ruefully. 'Sorry, Ron. I really didn't mean to make those two think we were EVER, uh, you know, um, together. I just figured them thinking that was better than them thinking I had been with Malfoy, Snape and Harry. I'm really sorry'. Ron was standing there silently, with his fingers gently resting on his lips, as if he wasn't quite sure what had happened there. 'You kissed me, 'Mione' he said in an odd voice. 'I know, Ron' said Hermione nervously 'I'm sorry. I won't do it again'. A look that Hermione wistfully thought looked like disappointment passed across Ron's face.

''Mione?' Ron asked, still with a voice quite different to his normal one, much higher and squeakier. 'Yes, Ron?' asked Hermione hopefully. 'Where the Hell are we going to sleep tonight? Harry will have locked the boys dorm, we can't go back in yours'. 'Oh' said Hermione 'Well, I don't know. We can't stay with Ginny, she'd have a fit. Somehow I don't think we're her favourite people at the moment. We need somewhere we won't be pestered'.

Ron thought hard. Then he grabbed her hand. 'Come with me' he told her, dragging her gently towards the stairs. Hermione smiled, wondering what was going on. The pair slid down the girls' staircase, Ron still gripping her hand firmly. 'Ron, you don't need to cling quite SO hard' she laughed. Ron loosened his grip, embarrassed 'Last time I slid down these stairs I nearly broke my chin. I was trying to find you. I didn't know I wasn't allowed up there'.

Hermione laughed. 'How many times have I told you to read 'Hogwarts; a history'? Then you'd know all about the school'. Ron shook his head, pulling Hermione out of the portrait hole. 'Nope' he disagreed 'This place isn't in there. It isn't even on the map, so we won't get any bother from Harry'. Ron ignored the Fat Lady, who began shrieking after the two.

Intrigued, and because Ron was still gripping her hand, Hermione followed. After about quarter of an hour of twisting through small corridors and up ancient stairs, they arrived at…a wall. Hermione stared. 'Stand there' Ron told her 'And close your eyes'. Hermione did as he asked. They were alone in a dark corridor, which hardly anyone ever came down, in the dead of night. If it was _anyone_ else, she wouldn't have dared.

After a minute or two, she felt Ron's hand on her back, guiding her forwards. She heard the click of a door opening, and opened her eyes. She gasped.

'Damn! This wasn't what I asked for' said Ron shyly behind her. 'Language, Ron' Hermione corrected absentmindedly, staring around. There was a huge room in front of her, decked out in Gryffindor colours. There was a log fireplace roaring merrily, with a large squashy red couch in front of it. At the other end of the room was a massive four poster bed with a ruby covering, and big piles of gold pillows.

Hermione strode in, pulling open an old-looking oak wardrobe. It was full of clothes, most of which she recognised as similar to either her own or Ron's. 'Ron, this is brilliant!' she told him. Ron looked proud, and she yawned. 'I'm going to bed, now, Ron' she told him, clambering up the bed and snuggling under the heavy duvet. 'Right. Good idea' he said, standing awkwardly at the foot of the bed.

'What are you doing?' she asked, amused, as Ron continued to hover nervously. 'Come here!'. Ron stared at his feet. 'I think I'll sleep on the couch, tonight, 'Mione. I'm uh, cold' he ended lamely. Hermione smiled, and slipped out of the bed after Ron who was almost running towards the sofa, grabbing his hand. 'I'll make sure you're not cold' she promised, pulling him back to the bed. Ron still looked unsure. Hermione frowned. 'Please, Ron. I don't want to sleep all alone, I'll be too nervous to sleep. I need you'.

Resignedly, Ron climbed up to join her. Hermione smiled. 'You're a kitten, really' she said to no-one in particular. Ron raised an eyebrow. 'You're not the boss of me' he insisted childishly. Hermione grinned. 'Of course not. You're on the couch right now. This bed is just a figment of your imagination. So am I' she told him, snuggling closer to him.

Ron blushed. This situation was in fact just like a scene he had imagined many a time for the past four or five years. He wasn't about to admit that, though. 'I don't do _everything_ you tell me' he said to cover his embarrassment. 'Certainly not' she replied. 'If you did you'd get straight o's in ever class'.

Ron growled. 'I'm here because I'm concerned about you as a friend. You asked me to sleep with you. I'm here because I want you to feel safe'. Hermione looked up at him with a strange smile playing on her lips. 'I know, Ron. I was just teasing you. Go to sleep'. Ron closed his eyes, mollified. Hermione shifted closer, breathing deeply. Ron wasn't the only one who could fantasise.

* * *

A.N. Sorry if you thought I was a little harsh on Ginny there, and she didn't mean what she said, but as a redhead and a Weasley, she does rather have a temper. 


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I want Harry Potter! Actually, if I'm wishing for things I want Draco Malfoy, Ron and Hermione to spend the entire seventh book getting together, a Dark Mark, lots of chocolate and snow.

A.N. This chapter is dedicated to Broken Rain, who is also taking AS levels.

* * *

Hermione blinked awake, wondering where she was. She had vague memories of, uh, kissing Ron? That couldn't be right. It must have just been another dream. She sighed. Those were good dreams. Next she would dream that she turned over, and Ron would there, sleeping peacefully, with a blissful smile. She turned over, and did indeed see Ron there, albeit snoring like a chainsaw.

Hermione frowned. She had never dreamed about him snoring before. That must mean…it was real! She was in bed with Ron, and had memories of kissing him…oh God oh God oh God! Ron yawned, and smiled up at Hermione, unaware of the drama inside Hermione's head. 'Morning, 'Mione' he grinned, and slid out of the large bed they were sharing.

Memories of the previous night's events came rushing back to Hermione. She sighed in relief and, although she wouldn't admit it, disappointment. Ron was busying himself at the wardrobe that was near the bed, searching through it. He pulled out a girl's school uniform. 'Gah! I don't want to wear this. Do I _have to_, 'Mione?' he asked, eyeing the pleated skirt distastefully.

Hermione rolled her eyes. 'It's that or go in your pyjamas' she said. Ron looked thoughtful. 'NO! I was **joking**' she told him. Ron looked upset. 'I like my pyjamas, ''Mione! What would Harry say if he found out I wore a skirt?'. Hermione clucked her tongue, irritated. 'You wore my skirt on Saturday to seduce Malfoy, remember?'. Ron shuddered. 'I'd rather not, thank you. Besides, that doesn't count. That was just like dressing up. This is your _uniform_'.

'_Dressing up_?' Hermione sniggered 'Since when did you dress up in a skirt?'. Ron blushed. 'Since Saturday, remember?' he shot back. Hermione rolled out of bed and joined him at the wardrobe. 'It's not all fun and games for me, you know, Ron. I don't particularly like the idea of wearing a guy's uniform, but I have to do it. Unless you'd prefer I wore my own?' Ron scowled and snatched the skirt she was trying against herself.

'Fine, I'll wear the ruddy skirt' he growled 'I hope you know you're the only one I'd ever sink to wearing a skirt for'. Hermione laughed. 'What an honour! I shall exercise that right at every available opportunity'. She was hit in the face by a flying pair of trousers. 'This works both ways, remember' said a disgruntled Ron.

Hermione began to pull on the uniform, looking anywhere but down. Ron did the same, eyes fixed on the ceiling. He was grinning though; he had the memory, he didn't need to look down. Hermione scowled. ''Mione, help' he said weakly. Hermione glared over at him. Ron was holding a plain white cotton bra as if it was an alien object. 'You have to learn how to do that for yourself, you know' she clucked.

Ron just continued to look at her helplessly. 'Oh, come here' she said, though not crossly. Ron obeyed, and Hermione clipped his bra on for him. Ron shivered at her touch. 'There you go' she said, unaware of the quivering she was causing in her own body. Ron wandered back to the wardrobe and pulled on a shirt. 'Oi!' Hermione told Ron off 'I'll button that up, if you don't mind'. She came over and did up the shirt, her hands brushing her breasts as they went. Ron was struggling to breathe by the time she had done up his top button.

'It hurts, 'Mione. It's too tight' he complained, tugging the shirt away from his chest. 'Don't be silly, Ron' she said brusquely 'They're supposed to be like that. They can't be completely baggy, it'd look ridiculous'. Ron frowned, and pulled on the skirt. Hermione smirked at him. 'You look great, Ron. You should wear skirts more often after we switch back'. Ron stuck his tongue out at her.

'Ready to go to breakfast, 'Mione?' Ron asked as Hermione pulled her shoes on. 'No! Don't be disgusting, Ron. I haven't even brushed my teeth yet, and neither have you. I don't want people to think I go around with smelly breath'. Ron looked around stupidly. 'There's no bathroom, 'Mione'. Hermione sighed. 'I know there isn't. Have you got everything you need?' she asked, and Ron nodded. 'Good. Come on, we're going outside. When you get there, think bathroom thoughts' she told him.

Ron followed her out of the door into the corridor, where the door promptly disappeared. Ron stared as Hermione smacked back into the wall, trying to get back in quickly. He was about to tell her you needed to go past the door three times before it would open. Then he realised the reason for her haste.

Draco Malfoy quirked a perfect eyebrow at Ron, who shivered and nervously ran past the door saying 'Bathroom, bathroom, bathroom'. Eventually a handle appeared in the door and Ron rushed in after Hermione. They could hear laughter from outside. Hermione shook her head. 'That boy is asking for trouble. What's he doing here at this time in the morning anyway?' she went over to a sink behind a screen to brush her teeth.

Ron squeaked as he saw the handle turning. ''Mione?' he asked nervously. 'Just a minute, Ron' came the reply. Hermione's dental regime took rather a long time; she

would be quite a bit more than a minute. Ron reached for his wand, which was…not there. A ghostly pale hand snaked around the door crack, holding a willowy wand.

There was an almost silent whisper of 'Silencio!' and Ron felt the familiar sensation of his lips being sealed together. Draco Malfoy stalked carefully in, cast a body-bind on poor Ron, and began to drag him out of the door. Hermione was quite contentedly flossing her teeth, oblivious to Ron's plight behind the screen.

By the time they got out into the corridor, Ron was really getting worried. Draco shoved Ron against a wall, and began to whisper furiously in his ear. 'Listen, Mudblood' Ron's eyes clouded over with rage 'I don't know whether it's you or those stupid gossip queens in your dorm that have been spreading this, but there's been word going around that I was going to…degrade myself with you, but your blood traitor boyfriend stopped me.'

'Now' he continued. 'He's not here right now, is he?' he smirked 'So I'll make you a deal. This could be very bad for me if my father hears of this, so I don't want it getting any further, understand? You have to stay away from Slytherin, and Slytherins in general from now on, ok? Maybe Snape was just high spirits, but you have to stop! You'd better get some poor sap to pretend to date you, too, to add credibility to the story. Get that bloody fake pureblood, he'd do anything for you, the pathetic lovesick puppy. In return I'll make sure my father's _friends_ will stay away from your parents, and I won't torture you into insanity…yet. Got it?'

With that, Malfoy glanced around, released a horrified Ron from the curses, and ran away. Ron lurched, feeling sick, back into the bathroom just as Hermione was coming around from the sink. 'It's free' she said cheerfully, then noticed the look on his face. 'Merlin, what happened?' she asked, rushing forwards to support Ron. 'Malfoy wants us to pretend to date until school breaks up' he said weakly. Hermione laughed.

'That'd just add so much confusion to this situation! Why would Malfoy want that anyway? He's never struck me as the matchmaker type' she giggled. Ron gulped. 'He doesn't want his father to find out about, uh, Saturday's _incident_. He says it will make his father angry, and if we don't, he's going after you and your parents'. Hermione's face drained.

'Well' she said briskly 'We don't have much of a choice then, do we? Actually, you do' she said downcast. 'I can't ask you to do that for me'. Ron smiled. 'Hermione, I've worn a skirt for you, attempted to seduce Malfoy, cat fought my ex-girlfriend, showered naked with you and kissed you last night. I can handle pretending to be your 'girlfriend''.

Hermione looked up at him 'You'd do that for me?' she asked unbelievingly. 'Of course' he replied 'You ought to know by now, I'd do anything for you, 'Mione'. Hermione threw herself into Ron's arms, slightly knocking the wind out of him. 'How on Earth are we going to convince Harry and Ginny for a whole two days?' he asked. 'No problem' she said 'That pair in my dorm will have made sure everyone in the house knows by now. All we have to do is at for two days and one night. Then we can tell Harry and Ginny the truth'.

With that, Hermione pushed Ron over to the sink to brush his teeth, silently thanking Draco Malfoy.

* * *

A.N. Woo! I have never gotten them out this fast. I'm having inspiration flash after inspiration flash. Please continue to review, they'll be lots slower from now on, I'm afraid. Sorry it's gotten a bit dark, but it'll lighten up, I promise. 


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I never **said** I owned Harry Potter. He doesn't own me either. It's a mutual relationship. ;-)

A.N. Another chapter. Enjoy. That was an order.

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After Hermione had seen that Ron had brushed his teeth to her satisfaction, the pair, or 'Couple' as they now were, headed down to breakfast. They entered the Great Hall nervously. Hermione stared down at her hand, which had become intertwined with Ron's somehow. 'What are you doing?' she hissed. 'I'm acting! Try it sometime, unless of course you want to be 'tortured into insanity' as Malfoy put it'. Ron replied from the corner of his mouth. 

Hermione nodded, surprised Ron was being so thoughtful, and put on a goofy grin. He really was sweet. Hushed whispers ran through the hall, and they noticed Malfoy giving them a small nod of appreciation. Lavender and Parvati were grinning, looking proud that everyone now knew their gossip was true. Lavender seemed not to mind loosing Ron, as long as she had something new to spread.

Ron and Hermione sat down at the Gryffindor table opposite Ginny and Harry, who were grinning knowledgably at each other. All they could do was hope no-one made a big deal out of this.

Seamus shook his head ruefully, and handed a few galleons to Dean, who smirked. 'Told you you'd force her into realising it' he grinned. Seamus thumped him with a sour look on his face. All along the table, people took out their purses or wallets, and handed money to a beaming Ginny. 'I had today! I _never_ thought I'd win the pool' she crowed. Ron and Hermione glared.

Their glowers increased, however, as they realised that it was not only the Gryffindor table handing money to Ginny, but quite a few Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and most of the staff.. Professor Trelawney looked decidedly bitter; she had 'predicted' it wouldn't happen until after Christmas. It wasn't long before Ginny was looking at a huge pile of gold.

'I'm not sitting here and taking this!' said Hermione, outraged 'Come on, _Hermione_'. Ron cast a longing glance at his breakfast, and followed Hermione, his stomach protesting all the way. Hermione shoved Ron into a nearby classroom. 'Ron, I'm scared' she began 'So it's important we get this right. I have no wish to be tortured by a trainee Death Eater, so please try to act like I would if I was, uh, actually dating you. I have no idea what that would look like' she lied 'So make it up, but make it convincing, will you?'

Ron nodded solemnly. 'I'll try my best, 'Mione' he promised, and she hugged him. 'Thanks, Ron. You don't know how much this means to me'. Ron smiled, wrapping his arms around her and wishing he could stay this way forever, having her with him where he could make sure she always felt safe. Unfortunately, Hermione pulled away after a minute, glancing at her watch and shrieking 'We're going to be late, and it's potions first! Snape'll kill us!'.

Ron sighed. Even Hermione in his body, pretending to be his 'boyfriend', with her reputation destroyed and being threatened by Malfoy, she was still the same. Hermione rushed up to Gryffindor tower dragging Ron behind her, snatched up their school bags and hurried down to the dungeons.

They arrived at Snape's classroom a little after the bell. They rushed in, out of breath. The students exchanged knowing glances and sniggers. 'What were you two up to?' asked Dean, grinning. Pansy took a different approach 'Sir!' she complained 'Aren't you going to punish the Mudblood and the Weasel for being late? God knows we don't want any more bloody Gryffindors!'.

Snape curled his lip up at the blushing pair, and indicated that they go to their seats. 'Now our final students have deemed us worthy of their presence, follow the list, uh, **method** on the board. Just do it, uh, **make** the damn potions!'. They were amazed to see that Snape's pale, sallow skin held a pink tinge as he glanced at 'Hermione'. Apparently he hadn't recovered his memory of what had happened when Ron hit him; he still believed the version of events that was running around school.

Ron and Hermione hurriedly went around to a cauldron and began to prepare ingredients. Harry didn't seem to want to look straight at them; he too had a slight blush on his cheeks. He was happy for his best friends, and relieved they had FINALLY gotten together, but he didn't was _details_. Ron snatched up the ingredients from the front desk, and Hermione began to prepare them. They blushed as their hands brushed against each other.

After about ten minutes, Ron realised that Hermione was slipping various things into her bag. 'What are you doing?' he hissed, leaning into her closely so they wouldn't be overheard. Parvati nudged Lavender, and they both sniggered. 'Do you want to stay in my body, Ron? Help me nick some of this, or we'll be this way forever!'. Ron nodded in understanding, and continued to make the potion while Hermione glanced around, before hiding a few more ingredients in her school bag.

Eventually, Snape demanded their potions in vials on his front desk. Ron had not made much progress on the potion, what with having to do it himself, so when he placed it on Snape's desk he rewarded the potions master with a dazzling smile. Snape swallowed hard, and scampered off into his office. Hermione glared at Ron. I don't want you flirting with Snape!' she berated. Parvati giggled 'Ohh, Ron's getting all jealous! He was like that last night, wasn't he, Lav?'

Lavender nodded sincerely 'When he was dating me, he was very protective. Never let another guy so much a look at me' she lied smoothly. Ron glowered at her, knowing she was making it up a she went along. Lavender noticed, and told him 'Glare all you want, Hun, but the fact is I could have my Won Won back at the click of my fingers. I'm just _letting_ you have him. I've upgraded!' she said smugly, and gestured to a miserable Seamus behind her.

Lavender pranced off, Seamus and Parvati bobbing along behind her. Ron and Hermione rolled their eyes, and waited for Harry to come. 'What's next?' asked Ron, and Hermione looked at her timetable. 'Well, I've got Arithmancy, and you've got ruddy Divination.' On looked exceedingly nervous at the prospect of having to go to Hermione's Arithmancy class; he'd never taken the subject.

Hermione sighed. 'Look, I'll come with you to Divination, and apologise to Professor Vector later. After lunch, you come with me to muggle studies, and you apologise to Professor Flitwick, ok?' Ron nodded, and they went, together with Harry, up to the loft where Trelawney's lessons were held. Upon noticing Ron, however, Trelawney sneered, and said rather bitterly 'Looks like those two can't be separated for even a lesson!' apparently she had been more upset at her false 'prediction' than others.

The lesson got started, with Ron and Hermione working together and Harry with Parvati, as Lavender was busy with Seamus. 'Today, class we shall be dowsing!' proclaimed Trelawney in her best prophet voice. 'Take an item from about your person, such as a necklace or bracelet, girls, and hand it to your partner'.

Hermione nudged Ron, who unclipped a thin gold necklace from around his throat. He barely recognised it; Hermione always hid it under her shirt at school. 'Now' Trelawney continued 'Hold the chain by one end, boys, and let it hang gently. Don't swing it. Girls, ask a simple yes or no question of the jewellery. Interpret the way it swings, and an answer will be revealed!'. She began wandering around the pairs, making sure they were doing it right. Hermione rolled her eyes.

'Come on then, Ron, ask my necklace a question' she said sarcastically. Ron sniggered, and asked 'Does Hermione Granger believe that her necklace can answer better than she can?'. The necklace swung in a slow circle. 'Well, there's a surprise' Ron laughed 'It says no!'. Hermione scowled at him, and stopped the necklace swinging. Trelawney noticed her expression, and hurried over to their table.

'Perhaps you did not get the answer you sought, Mister Weasley?' she asked 'It is a cruel, but truthful art, I am afraid. I DO hope you and Miss Granger weren't arguing over this?' she asked sweetly. Ron and Hermione shook their heads, confused. Trelawney's expression hardened. 'Let me ask a question, dear, just to see if you are, uh, getting the correct impulses'.

Ron and Hermione looked at each other, amused. 'Be my guest, Professor' said Ron politely, and she laid a hand on his back gratefully. 'Thank you, darling. Now' she addressed the necklace 'Is the person holding you in love with Hermione Granger?'. The necklace swung in a wide circle. 'Oh, I'm so sorry, dear' she said, grinning. 'Perhaps you two ought to have a cooling off period, and get back together around, oh, the fourth of January? Just something to think about'.

Ron and Hermione waited until she was out of earshot before they started laughing. 'That old bat wants the pool!' chortled Ron. 'Good job she didn't ask us when I was in my own body, eh?'. Hermione immediately stopped laughing. 'Why?' she asked in a quiet voice 'What would the necklace have said?'. Ron turned bright red, and began mumbling 'Uh, I don't know, um, definitely not that I lov…um, only as a friend, uh, what?'. Hermione was just about to ask again, but Ron was saved by the bell.

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A.N. VERY confusing chapter there. Little recap: Harry doesn't know they've switched bodies, but believes they are dating. Trelawney asked Hermione in Ron's body if she was in love with herself, so of course the pendulum said no. Ron was glad she didn't ask him the same question when they were in their proper bodies; I wonder why not? ;-) 


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I own Sam in this story. Please contact JK, and tell her I want to trade for Draco Malfoy.

A.N. Read, review, you know the drill. Well, you ought to, being such bright and wonderful readers as to get to the twentieth chapter! I started out intending maybe five, if I did well. Amazing how things develop. :)

Oh, and to clear up a little confusion, no, Ron and Hermione aren't changing back next week. They were only stealing the ingredients for the potion this week, it takes a month for the potion to develop. Plenty more confusified misunderstandings to come!

* * *

Neither Ron nor Hermione spoke directly to the other during lunch, leaving poor Harry to keep up a strained conversation. 'So, Hermione' he said brightly 'How come you came to divination with me and Ron instead of Arithmancy? Isn't that your favourite class? Must have been something you felt strongly about that could make you miss it'. 'Yeah' Hermione agreed quietly, adding so only Ron could hear 'He is'. Ron glanced at her, and treated Hermione to a quick smile. 

After that, they seemed to have signed an unofficial truce, which was just as well, because Harry spotted Ginny and rushed off with her to get a little quality time before the end of lunch. The 'couple' dumped their books in the Gryffindor common room, and set off a bit early to go down to the dungeons where Hermione took muggle studies, not wanting to bump into Snape again.

They were just a few rooms away from the classroom when Draco Malfoy slipped out of a shadow in the corridor they were going down, blocking their way. 'Shift, Malfoy' growled Ron, furious that he had dared to threaten Hermione. Malfoy raised an eyebrow and chuckled humourlessly. 'Now, now, Granger, you _know_ you're in no position to negotiate' he clicked his fingers and Crabbe and Goyle loomed up behind him.

Ron glared, and shifted his weight slightly so he blocked as much of Hermione from view as his petite frame would allow. Hermione demanded 'What do you want, Malfoy? Just tell us so we can get to class, we don't have time for this'. Malfoy smirked, pleased. 'Good attitude, Weasel, all this 'WE' business. Well, basically, my end of the bargain, as you seem to be holding up yours, is this: my father is holding a meeting later in the month, around New Year. **Stay away **from here then, ok? Get out of the country. That's all I can say.' Hermione nodded solemnly.

Apparently Malfoy was more decent than he would ever admit to. 'Oh, and Weasel?' he called, walking away. Ron and Hermione turned. 'I'm sorry you have to pretend to date the Mudblood. You're a pureblood, even a poor excuse for one. You ever get tired of her, just drop me an owl, I'll take her off your hands. I could think of…_interesting_ ways to get rid of her'. Hermione had to lift Ron bodily over her shoulder to stop him attacking Malfoy with his bare hands.

Once Malfoy and his cronies were safely around the corner, Hermione set Ron gently back on his feet. 'Look, I didn't want you leaving my body bruised and with broken bones. I'm used to him calling me a mudblood, and threatening me. At least he warned us. We can still spend Christmas with your family; we just have to think of something else to do for New Year, that's all. Imagine if he hadn't' Hermione shuddered. 'Gods know what he and his evil father might have done to my parents. And me' she added as an afterthought.

Ron scowled thoughtfully. 'There's always your parents. They're skiing in the Alps, aren't they? Couldn't you just go to them?'. Hermione groaned. 'Of course! Ron, I really don't give you enough credit. The only problem is you're going to _have_ to come with me. Not only would I go insane if you didn't, but my parents would be a bit confused if I went in your body.' Ron nodded carefully 'I'll just have to tell my parents where I'm going. They won't object. My mum might actually have a heart attack from joy if I told her I was going to meet your parents'. Hermione smiled at him. 'Maybe if I bring you along, my parents won't set me up again'.

Ron growled possessively 'Damn straight! You're my, uh, 'boyfriend' now, and I don't want any other guys coming within ten feet of you. I shall wrap you in bubblewrap for the rest of your life, only unwrapping you when I'm the only one to see'. Hermione giggled. 'Let's get to Muggle Studies, we'll be late by now'. They hurried into the nearby classroom.

They apologised to Professor Merryhope, who had already begun the lesson. Hermione slid into her usual seat, dragging Ron behind her. 'Now' began the Professor 'As I was saying, we were studying the habits and courtships of muggles in their natural habitat. Hermione, dear, you're going to have to catch up these notes after class. Mister Weasley, is it?' Ron nodded, and the Professor smiled. 'Very glad to have a pureblood in the class. You could learn so much, my boy. Come along with Hermione any time, dearest'. Ron blushed. Professor Merryhope seemed to have heard the results of the pool, too.

'We were just about to do a little role-play, dearies. I think we'll call on our two late-comers to demonstrate!' she said, rubbing her hands together. Ron whispered' 'Role-play?' incredulously to Hermione as they made their way down to the front of the class. Hermione had the grace to blush. 'That's lovely, you two. You look so sweet! I would like you to just act out a little scene for us here. The muggle couple are engaged in an ancient muggle custom known as 'ballroom dancing'.'

Professor Merryhope happily put on a record on a record player in the corner of the room. Old-fashioned dance music began to play. 'Now, usually the muggle male would approach the female with his hand outstretched in a gesture of request' Hermione obediently stuck her hand out towards Ron. Ron stared at it, unsure what he was supposed to do. 'Next, the female, if she accepts the male's invitation to 'dance', she would place her hand in the male's.'

Blushing, Ron extended his hand to grasp Hermione's. 'The male and female grasp each other by the right hand. The male's hand is placed on the female's waist' Hermione slid her hand down to Ron's hipbone 'And the female places her hand on the male's waist' Ron copied Hermione's gesture, so they were in the dancing pose. 'Very good, darlings. The couple sway their bodies to the music' Ron and Hermione gulped nervously.

Professor Merryhope was smiling at them expectantly. They couldn't politely get out of this; after all, if they seemed reluctant to even stand close to each other, their cover would be blown, and Hermione would be in extreme danger from a certain Slytherin. They shifted their weight towards each other, and began to sway in time to the soft beat. Several students in the 'audience' began to nudge each other, smirking knowingly.

'A little closer, dears, I think' reproved the professor. Ron and Hermione blushed, and scooted so their bodies were barely an inch apart. Hermione could feel the heat from Ron's blush on her own cheeks. 'Excellent! Now, Miss Granger, as a muggleborn, can I assume you have a certain area of expertise in this area?' Ron was frantically trying to shake his head without rubbing his face against Hermione's Quidditch-toned chest and neck, which were now, due to her new height, level with his head.

'What am I saying?' asked the professor, laughing 'As if you're not an expert on anything I could ask! Would you care to speed the dance up a notch, sweetie?'. Ron glanced up at Hermione desperately. Hermione glanced down at him, and winked. Ron's expression became one of panicked confusion, as Hermione started leading him in a quick waltz. Ron struggled to keep up, and was wincing almost every second, sure she was about crush his toes, but it never came.

After a short time, Ron began to enjoy himself, allowing Hermione to spin him across the floor of the classroom, dipping him and twirling him under her arm. Hermione knew the music, and just before it ended she threw Ron slightly from his feet and caught him safely in her arms, dipping him for a short peck. The classroom burst into applause.

'Mister Weasley! We seem to have a new star! Take twenty points to Gryffindor each for that amazing demonstration. I hope you were taking notes, class. Homework is to find a dance tutor over Christmas and learn a few simple steps. Class dismissed'. The assembled students cast admiring looks at the flushed pair as they left. 'Oh, and one more thing, Miss Granger' called Professor Merryhope, with a conspirital look 'Don't ever let him go' she told Ron confidentially 'A man who can dance is the most valuable asset you can find. Trust me' she winked, and Ron shuddered, hurrying after an amused Hermione.

'You hear that, Ron? Looks like I'll be your 'boyfriend' for a good while yet! Better make sure _Lavender_ doesn't get wind of my talents!' she smirked. Ron glared at her. 'Don't joke about it. If Malfoy got wind that you might 'dump' me, you know he's gonna go after your parents. How did you learn to dance like that, anyway?'. Hermione seemed immediately less willing to talk. She mumbled something indistinguishable, and stared at her shoes.

'What was that, 'Mione? I couldn't quite hear you' Ron asked with cold politeness. Hermione blushed and said louder 'I said: Sam taught me over the break. You know, that guy my parents were trying to set up as a suitable match for me'. Ron's lips tightened furiously. 'Yes, I think you might have mentioned him once or twice'. 'Look, I'm sorry Ron, he just offered, and our parents were there, and he was such a gentleman I couldn't refuse. I _swear_ it was nothing, we only danced'. Hermione said, trying to prevent the argument she saw looming ahead of them.

Ron sneered 'Well, perhaps you should get this useless bloody muggle to keep Draco Malfoy from attacking you and murdering your parents, if he's such a _gentleman_ and your _parents_ approve. The Death Eaters will run quivering from his terrible tango, cowed by his protective polka! Go on, get him to help you out. If he's got something to teach _you_, then he must be a sodding genius, he'll think of something'. Ron said murderously, and turned on his heel to stalk away, leaving a confused and angry Hermione alone in the dungeons.

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A.N. I love to make him jealous! I didn't start this story intending on creating any new characters, just perhaps embellishing on the existing ones, but I needed _someone_ for Ron to be jealous of. Sorry. It's all in a good cause. Also, as a special treat, when I reach 200 reviews I will post TWO chapters at once. If that isn't an incentive to review, I don't know what is! 


	21. Chapter 21

A.N. Sorry about the wait, my computer got a virus, and so did I. Here's a nice long chapter to make up for it. I'll stop making excuses now, and get on with the story.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Why do we have to write these? They just depress me. Cheer me up with a nice review.

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Ron stomped through corridors of cold stone, not knowing nor particularly caring where he was going. It was at least quarter of an hour before he realised he was hopelessly lost. He was lost, alone, and in Slytherin territory, in a muggleborn girl's body. Not good. He began to wander in a vague direction, hoping it might inexplicably turn out to be a shortcut to Gryffindor tower. 

'Jeese, can't Weasley even keep his mudblood on a lead for _half an hour_?' a snide voice asked incredulously. Ron glared at Malfoy, reminding himself what Hermione had said about not wanting to go back to a beaten-up body. 'I'm not **his**, Malfoy, and I'm not a sodding mudblood. I'm mine, and 'my' parents are of no concern to you' he said stiffly. Malfoy leered unpleasantly, raising his eyebrow suggestively.

'You ARE a mudblood; you have to belong to a proper wizard. If you don't want that excuse for a pureblood as your owner, I'm sure there's more than enough Slytherins willing to give you a go. Hey, if you're not busy now, there's a broom closet around here somewhere…' Malfoy began to pace towards Ron, who slapped him, his face white.

'You'll regret that, Granger. Your parents may be no concern of _mine_, but they are of my father's!' he called as he stalked away into the gloom, clutching his hand-printed cheek. Ron ran like buggery until he reached the comfort and safety of the well-lit common room.

Hermione was there, waiting for him on one of the squashy chairs and scowling. 'Ronald Weasley, you have NO right to run off like that! I can be friends with whomsoever I choose, guy OR girl.' Hermione was obviously easing herself into a huge rant. She stopped short, however, when she noticed Ron's expression.

'What happened?' she asked, going over to him, all thoughts of their fight forgotten in the face of his distress. Ron looked sickened 'Malfoy. Cornered me in the dungeons. Called me a mudblood. Said…oh, 'Mione, he said you belonged to me because muggle-borns have to have a pureblood 'owner''. Ron was close to tears.

Hermione looked disgusted, but said 'I've heard him say worse. That's quite old; he's said I was _yours_ since fourth year or so. He's never had the guts to say it when you were with me, though.' Ron was horrified 'Why didn't you tell me?'. Hermione sighed. 'Because I knew you'd just hit him, he'd get angry and make up worse. Besides, if I'm going to belong to any pureblood, I'm glad it's you'.

Ron blushed, and Hermione clapped a hand over her mouth. Before either of them could say anything, Harry clambered through the portrait hole looking confused. 'Why aren't you two at lunch? Ron never misses meals!'. Ron seized the opportunity. 'Yeah, uh, _Ron_, let's go to lunch, I'm starving'. Without waiting for a reply, he dragged Hermione by the hand out of the portrait hole.

He didn't, however, head towards the Great Hall. Hermione looked at him questioningly, and he noticed. 'I thought Gin might still be collecting bets. You wouldn't like that.' Hermione was touched he was so thoughtful, but nervous. She had no idea where they were going, and Ron was being oddly quiet. She didn't recognise the expression on his face.

After a few minutes they reached a familiar painting of a bowl of fruit. Still silently, Ron reached up to tickle the pear, and let them in. The kitchen was warm and busy, with house-elves bustling around their feet. Almost instantaneously roughly a dozen of the little creatures had bobbed forwards, ushering the 'couple' towards a small table in a secluded corner of the kitchen. Hermione scowled.

Ron caught on by the towel before it could scurry away, and gently asked her to bring them a selection from lunch, and as he was craving it, chocolate. Hermione smiled reluctantly at that. She smiled even more when Ron insisted on tipping every elf that served them. Most just sighed, and gave the money to Dobby, who looked ecstatic, and Ron grinned knowingly at Hermione.

Hermione really didn't know what to say. Ron was being so weird; he was calm, considerate, polite and conscientious. It was beginning to freak her out. 'Ron, why are you acting so oddly?' she asked nervously. She could handle Shouting Ron, Jealous Ron, Prat Ron and melted at Cute Ron, but Silent Ron scared her a little. She wasn't scared OF him, obviously, but she was getting scared FOR him.

'I'm not, 'Mione. I'm just so furious I'm not shouting. I'm planning ways to break Malfoy's neck for what he said about you. And possibly this Sam guy's. He sounds bad news' Hermione sighed in relief. So that was it! All she had to do was get his mind off it and he'd go back to normal. He was just being Ultra-Protective Ron.

'We've got a joint double free after lunch, you know' she informed him. Ron grunted through a mouthful of Dairy Milk. 'Guess what you're going to do, you lucky boy?'. Ron stared at her, his cheeks bulging with chocolate and his eyes wide open in hope. 'You're going to **not** give us away tonight and get me tortured by Malfoy' Ron's face coloured at the sound of his name, and clenched his fists so hard his fingernails dug painfully into his palms. 'So we're going to have a very nice 'getting to know you' session. Harry's got detention with Filch, so we should have the common room to ourselves'.

Ron swallowed his mouthful, and looked rather offended. 'I've known you for years, 'Mione. I _know_ you'. Hermione sighed. 'I know you know the important stuff, like how we would have had another row if you hadn't paid those house-elves, but I doubt that's the kind of questions that will be asked tonight. We're going to tell all the stuff we wouldn't normally tell each other. Such as first kisses, most embarrassing moments, secret desires and wishes. You know, the stuff they always ask at truth or dare games'. Ron still looked hesitant.

'Do they?' he asked nervously. Hermione sighed. 'You've never been to a sleepover before, have you?'. Ron replied defensively 'Well, I've been in the Burrow when Ginny was having them. Guys just don't do that. It's a girl thing'. Hermione smirked. 'Well, I'll just have to teach you, won't I? Come on, we're going back to the common room'

Hermione led a very wary Ron back up to Gryffindor tower. They settled comfortably onto a squashy couch in front of the fire, shifting a couple of second years who were bunking off. Ron had to push Hermione back onto the couch as she stood up furiously to tell off the little lads. 'Come on, 'Mione' he said soothingly 'We did that a few times at their age. Remember when we had to so you could make the polyjuice potion?' he sniggered. Hermione looked crossly. 'Well, that was for a very good reason. If we hadn't, Riddle might have murdered every muggleborn in the school! They were just skiving'.

Ron's expression darkened. 'We're already in that damn position again. Just this time it's ferret boy, not snake nose. That's why we're got to learn _everything_ about each other right now. Come on, Mione, teach me!'. Hermione sighed. 'I suppose you're right. Ok, you can't react badly to anything I'm about to say, ok? It's the unvarnished truth, and you'll probably not want to even know me anymore, but please don't judge me, alright?' Ron nodded apprehensively.

'My first kiss was…Victor, alright?' she said, avoiding his gaze. Ron gripped the cushion he was sitting on until his knuckles turned white, but said tensely 'Carry on'. Hermione glanced cautiously at his expression, gulped, and continued 'The furthest I've been with a guy is snogging, it only lasted a few seconds, and wasn't very pleasant'. Ron cheered up slightly.

'I don't have a crush on anyone'. Well, that WAS technically true, Hermione thought. Whatever she felt about Ron ran much deeper than a simple crush. Ron's face, however, fell miserably. 'The guy I think is hottest in our year is, um, Malfoy' she lied, blushing. Ron's eyebrows shot up. 'The guy who is threatening to murder your whole family and torture you because you're not pureblooded?' he asked, astonished and bitter. Hermione couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes, and just murmured 'Your turn'.

Ron scowled, and said, slightly spitefully through jealousy 'You saw my first kiss. It wasn't bad. I got under her shirt, but with a slut like Lavender it wasn't hard. The most gorgeous girl in our year is, uh' he thought quickly _you, 'Mione_, but said 'Probably Padma and Parvati. I mean come on, twins!' he attempted a roguish smirk. 'I guess if I like anyone as a crush, you know, physical attraction it would be' _YOU!_ His mind screamed 'Lavender. I hate her, but have you seen her?' he asked cruelly, winking at Hermione.

Hermione sniffed hard. 'I'm sure you can make up the rest. I have a few letters to send.' She curled her lips up in a humourless smile. 'I'm sure Sam will want to know that I'm coming to see him, uh, sorry, _my parents_ for New Years eve.' Ron's face turned rage red. Hermione just stalked out of the common room and up to his dorm to borrow Pig, her expression daring him to follow her.

Ron sank dejectedly into the couch, his head in is hands. He knew he had hurt Hermione because he was jealous. Why was he such an idiot? Why couldn't he just admit his feelings? Oh yeah, because she'd laugh, reject him, break his heart and leave him her friend, having to watch while other guys took the thing that mattered most to him in the world from in front of his eyes.

His unhappy musings were interrupted by Ginny plonking herself down next to him. 'Where's Ron?' she asked, looking curiously around for 'her brother'. 'He went to send a letter to someone. I think we had a fight' he sighed. 'You think?' she asked, amused 'So there's no need to put up warning signs around the common room?'. Ron just continued to stare moodily into the fire. 'Blimey, Herm, you're being awfully serious. While you're being like this, can I ask your advice on something' Ginny asked, twisting her hands nervously.

'Sure' replied Ron listlessly. 'Can I come to the party tonight? I know it's only sixth years, but I really want to go, and Harry's going, so please?' Ron smiled. He was expecting something serious. 'Of course, Gin. Just be back here in your pyjamas at nine. I'll get 'Ron' to have a word with _Lavender_'. Ginny laughed. 'I don't want to go that badly, to have you risk him going near that ho! I'll just come, and threaten her with a bat bogey if she tries to get me to leave. See you tonight!' she wandered up to her own dorm.

The time flew by. Ron never even looked up from the fire, and didn't move from his spot on the sofa. At half seven, Harry shoved him off to have some dinner, and was ignored by Hermione while he ate. Harry tried to break the tension, but they both shut him up with frosty glares. Harry eventually gave up, and wandered off to find Ginny, leaving the quarrelling 'couple' alone together.

When he had left the great hall, Hermione leaned forwards and whispered 'Finish that mouthful, you're coming with me' Ron gulped and followed her out, up to her still empty dorm.

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Has Hermione forgiven him? Will Ron say anything else stupid? Will _Lavender_ avoid Ginny's bat bogey hex? Will you review? 


	22. Chapter 22

A.N. Sorry it's a little late. Christmas was a bit hectic, this just got pushed back a while. Hope everyone had a happy Christmas (insert relevent religious or non-religious mid-winter festival here). Christmas cookies to those that review.

Disclaimer: Humph!

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Hermione glared at Ron. 'Don't think you're off the hook' she warned. Ron nodded resignedly. She flicked her and at the dorm room door, which slammed shut and clicked locked. 'Get over here, I'll fit you out in some pyjamas' she ordered, and Ron nervously waited. Hermione kicked her trunk open, shifted through the compulsively neat clothes, and came out with a white pair of shorts and a strappy tee shirt. 'Throw these on' she ordered.

Ron obeyed, although he still hadn't mastered the bra yet. Hermione just sighed and snapped it open before he even had a chance to ask. 'What are you gonna wear?' asked Ron, staring around the room. Hermione smirked, kicked open _Lavender's_ trunk and pulled out a pair of Ron's boxers and one of his shirts, both bearing the Chudley Cannons logo.

Ron's face creased up in horror. 'Where the Hell did she get those? I never went all the way with her, I swear, 'Mione! Please don't kill me! Unless…did I? Oh, Merlin, 'Mione, she's not pregnant is she? My mum's gonna kill me! I'll have to leave you, uh, I mean school, and get a job! And that means my life is RUINED! 'Mione, you've got to help me!'

Hermione laughed for the first time that evening. 'Ron, you never slept with _Lavender_, I'd know about it. She'd never let me forget it. She just collects…trophies. Proof, you know?' Ron shook his head, wondering what kind of neurotic jealous maniac he had gone out with. Hermione had by this time climbed into the shorts and tee shirt. She pulled Ron over to one side, and told him seriously 'Ron, I'm still furious with you. However, if someone tonight realises we're not ourselves, Malfoy will probably kill me. He's bad enough with the rumour that he shagged me; if it got out he nearly shagged _you_, neither of us is going to get out of this alive. Official truce for tonight, ok?'

Ron agreed, nervous and green. 'Come on then, soldier' she smirked. 'It's time for battle'. Ron obediently followed her out of the dorm to the common room, where all the other sixth years had arrived, waiting patiently for the night's events to begin. Ron and Hermione settled themselves cross legged in a gap of the circle the others had made, opposite Harry and Ginny.

'Well' said Lavender frostily 'Now that those two have gotten off each other long enough to remember there's a world outside _my damned dorm_, we can FINALLY begin'. Ron and Hermione blushed, avoiding each other's gaze. 'The agenda for tonight's party will be as follows. First of all, I never, followed by spin the bottle and finally truth or dare, by which time I shall have made sure that everybody in this room is utterly wrecked, understood?' she informed them briskly.

'I assume you all know the rules, and if you don't, leave. I don't have time to waste. In front of you there is a shot glass. It refills with firewhiskey when drunk. As there are not many things I _haven't _done, golden boy will start, then his little kid of a girlfriend' Ginny raised her wand threateningly, and Lavender rolled her eyes. 'I just meant it will go clockwise. Any questions, don't ask them, just leave'.

(A.N. The people there are Ron, Hermione, Lavender, Parvati, Harry, Ginny, Dean and Seamus. Neville went to bed with a headache)

Harry began nervously 'Um, I never went any further than snogging'. Ginny, Hermione (glaring at Ron), Lavender, Parvati and Seamus drank. Harry looked hurt at Ginny, who shrugged. 'I never…kissed a girl' she announced. Harry, Dean, Seamus, Hermione (still glaring) drank again, their glasses refilling as soon as they touched the floor. Lavender took her turn 'I never...um, uh, well. Hmmm. Ooh, I've never kissed a muggle!'

Dean, Ginny and Parvati drank. Hermione nudged Ron, indicating that he drink too. He leaned over to her and hissed 'It was that bloody Sam guy, wasn't it?' Hermione just nodded apologetically, whispering back 'Malfoy's gonna murder us; drink!'. It was, by this time, Ron's turn.

'I never…gave in a piece of homework late' he said, grinning at Hermione. Everyone else drank. Hermione glared, saying smugly 'I never used a time-turner', which forced Ron and Harry to drink. The glasses magically refilled, as Parvati took her turn, giggling. 'I never…kissed anyone from Slytherin' Ron glared, as he, _Lavender_, Ginny and Seamus drank. 'Explain!' demanded Harry. This really WAS a case of fraternising with the enemy. Lavender shrugged her shoulders, and everyone nodded. They could believe that she would, and they knew 'Hermione' had, but 'Ginny? Seamus?' Parvati asked. Ginny looked abashed.

'Sorry. It was Malfoy.' The girls in the room sighed, and she grinned sheepishly. Ron could barely contain his fury. 'Not only did he threaten who he thought was you, but he's kissed my baby sister as well! **I'm** gonna kill **him**, not the other way around! Just wait until I get my hands on him…' Hermione shut him up with a look.

Seamus just looked pleased with himself when they called for his explanation. 'Not called No-Shame for nothing!' he told them. Ron and Hermione groaned. Lavender scowled. 'Have both of you kissed Malfoy?' Ron and Ginny glanced at each other. 'Yeah, I suppose' Ginny shrugged. 'And you're the one with the reputation! Funny how things work out, eh?' Lavender fumed.

'I'm getting rather tired of I never. You bunch of prudes never do _anything_, it's no fun' she snarled. 'Seamus, pass me that firewhiskey bottle. Maybe we'll get lucky' she winked at Seamus, who grinned. 'Anyone here gay?' she asked, glaring around the group. Everyone shook their heads, although Dean glanced furtively at Seamus. 'Right then, boy-girl kisses only. If it lands on the same sex, the kiss goes to the next member of the opposite gender, ok?' She planted it firmly in the centre of the circle, spinning it with such force the neck nearly broke. Everyone looked on fearfully, waiting for it to stop.

Dean sighed resignedly as it landed on him. Seamus slapped him on the back and pushed him towards his girlfriend with a wink. Dean pecked her on the lips, but Lavender wasn't having any of it. She gripped him by the hair, pulling him into such a forceful kiss he broke away gasping. Dean sank back relieved into his place. Seamus began to whisper furiously in his ear as Dean, blushing, span the bottle again.

This time it landed on Ginny, who looked apologetically at Harry before kissing her old boyfriend. She spun it, and this time it landed on Seamus. 'Oh no!' Harry said angrily. 'Not him. I've put up with you snogging your ex, revelations about albino ferrets and that you've gone further with some mystery guy than you've even let me think about. Not that I would think about it' he gulped nervously, sneaking a glance at 'Ron's' expression. 'But I'm not gonna let you be another notch on No-Shame's bedpost. His bloody bed's due to fall down any day now as it is!'

Ginny's face had been turning steadily redder as he ranted. 'How is it your business?' she demanded, and Harry's jaw dropped open. 'You agreed to play this damn game. You knew what it involved. You wouldn't have heard a word out of me if any of the other girls kissed you! Well, maybe Lavender' she conceded. 'But no-one else! You cannot tell me what to do, golden boy, even if you are the sodding saviour of the wizarding world! That doesn't give you the right to control me!' she fumed.

She lunged at Seamus, crushed her lips against his, and smirked at the livid Chosen One. Seamus grinned, congratulated Dean for having such good taste, and flopped back into place. Ron was almost shaking with fury. Ginny dating Harry he could tolerate; Harry knew what the Weasley brothers could do to him if he crossed a boundary. Sure he'd threatened Dean, but that was ages ago! He might start getting _ideas_. Hermione laid a soothing hand on his knee. 'Let Harry deal with it' she muttered 'He cares about Ginny just as much as you. You've got enough on your plate. Besides, if my body attacks them, what would people think? They'd think I was jealous! Didn't we have enough bother with them before?'

Ron settled, grumbling quietly to himself, knowing she was right, as always. Hermione coughed, stalling the oncoming argument. The other players stared at her. 'I believe it's No-Shame's turn?' she said primly. 'Yeah' shot Lavender. 'Stop arguing over her. You couldn't possibly want that redhead when you've got ME' she twitched an eyebrow at Seamus, daring him to disagree. 'Of course' he said defeated. 'How silly of me'. He span the bottle without much interest, until it landed on Parvati. He brightened up a little, until Lavender slapped him. 'Seamus, she's my BEST FRIEND! How could you even THINK about it?' she howled. Seamus looked frightened out of his wits.

'I won't!' he reassured her frantically 'Look, Hermione can have my turn, ok?' he chucked the bottle in Ron's general direction. Ron looked confused but took the bottle obediently, and span it. It landed on Harry. Ron turned deathly pale.

The other players in the common room stared at 'Ron' expectantly, waiting for him to rip his best mate's head off his shoulders. Everyone was amazed to see 'him' merely smirk, and nudge 'Hermione' gently in Harry's direction. Ron appeared extremely reluctant to lean in to his friend.

Harry, in turn, was looking nervous. He anxiously said 'Hermione, if you don't want me to kiss you, it's ok. Just spin it again, it'd be awkward'. He was cut off by howls resounding from the other players in the room, except Ginny, who was glaring at 'Hermione', and the real Hermione, who was simply grinning her head off in amusement. Oh, and Ron, who looked as though he was about to be sick. Harry removed his glasses, and uneasily pressed his lips against Ron's, who jumped away, wiping his mouth and glaring daggers at Hermione.

'Harry's turn' Lavender crowed, her anger forgotten in the new drama. Ginny snatched the bottle out of mid-spin and smashed it in the centre of the circle. Apparently Ginny was something of a hypocrite. She glowered at Harry. 'You might be a possessive bastard' she scowled 'But you're MY possessive bastard.'

This caused a few raised eyebrows, but Lavender recovered magnificently. 'So it's truth or dare time, is it?' she asked no-one in particular. Harry ginned at the group. 'I have a surprise!' he announced, looking rather pleased with himself. 'When I was helping Hermione with her…Snape problem, I stole this vial of veritaserum from the store cupboard'. He removed a small glass bottle of the clear liquid from his robes, and Parvati squealed.

'That'll make sure everyone answers their truths honestly! Harry, you're so _clever_'. Everyone looked slightly bemused, and Harry's glasses steamed up slightly. Ginny sent death glares at the oblivious Parvati. Apparently she had not yet learnt her lesson. After everyone had been reluctantly administered with a dose, Lavender took charge once more. 'Seamus' she addressed her very nervous boyfriend 'Truth or dare?'

Seamus looked like a rabbit caught in headlights. 'Truth' he stammered, hoping he had chosen the less horrifying option. Lavender's face lit up with evil glee. Perhaps he had picked wrongly. 'Do you fancy anyone in this room more than you do me, and if so, who?' Seamus clamped his hands over his lips, but they moved of their own accord. 'Ginny, and Hermione when she's in 'prim and proper' mode'. He made a terrified little '_glerk_' noise. 'Excuse us' said Lavender with surprising dignity. 'Seamus and I need a little chat'.

She dragged the hapless Seamus off in the direction of her dorm. Ron, surprisingly, was not sniggering. 'What's wrong with you?' Hermione whispered. She thought it was quite funny. 'I know what it's like to have _Lavender_ angry at you' he answered honestly; he didn't have much choice. 'And remind me to smash his face in once we've switched back' he growled. Hermione rolled her eyes. 'I already told you, you shouldn't be so protective of Ginny. She can handle herself'. 'Uh, yeah' Ron agreed quickly. 'Ginny. Of course, that's uh, **A** reason'. Stupid veritaserum, Ron thought grumpily.

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How will the rest of the night go? Will Seamus survive Lavender's 'little chat'? Will anything embarrassing be revealed under influence of veritaserum? (I'll give you that one for free-of course it will!) Tune in next time for more confusimified misunderstanderings! 


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I'm British, blonde, female, and enjoy writing about Harry Potter. Can I have the copyright now?

A.N. Sorry about the length time it took me to update. Everybody's busy this time of year though, aren't they?

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'Ahm' said Dean cautiously. 'I think they've forfeited the game. Shall we keep playing?' everyone nodded, so he addressed his ex. 'Gin, truth or dare?' 'Dare' she replied defiantly. 'Only option for a Gryffindor' this met with general approval. 'Ok, I dare you to…' his face lit up evilly 'Declare your love to Snape, tomorrow morning at breakfast!' Ginny nodded, looking sick. 'Harry, truth or dare?' she asked, miffed. 'Truth!' he said hurriedly 'I don't want to declare _anything_ to Snape!' 

Ginny grinned wickedly 'Apart from Cho, have you ever liked a girl better than me?' The veritaserum took over 'Nope. It's always been you, Gin'. Ginny smiled 'I might not have to kill you at all, if you keep this up'. Harry smiled back at her. This continued for roughly five minutes, until Hermione coughed. 'Harry, on with the game? At least until you two get somewhere private, perhaps?' she suggested tactfully. Harry blushed 'Of course, mate, you're right. Truth or dare?'.

_Damn_, thought Hermione. _Didn't expect him to say that_. Out loud she said, looking more confident then she felt 'Truth, I suppose'. Hopefully the 'getting to know you session' with Ron would be enough. Harry got an unusually devious look 'Do you fancy anyone in here?' he asked. Ginny returned his look, realising what he was up to. 'No' she answered honestly. What she felt for Ron had passed out the other side of attraction to something much deeper LONG ago. Next to her, Ron visibly deflated. Hermione asked him, for safety, 'Your turn. Truth or dare?'.

Ron was scowling miserably. 'What's the point? It's a stupid game anyway'. Hermione sighed 'Just pick one'. Ron rolled his eyes, but before he could reply Parvati chipped in angrily. 'I'm not having him set her dare, he'll give her something easy! They're dating, he'll just dare her to kiss him or something'. Ron and Hermione blushed. Harry made a motion to offer, but she shushed him. 'Not her best friend, either! You'll give her just as easy a dare'. Ron glared at her. 'Who said I was going to pick a dare?' he asked indignantly. 'I'm having truth! I don't know what you were planning to have me do, Parvati, but tough luck. Ask me anything, though'.

Parvati looked furious. 'Fine! I want you to tell us here, in front you your boyfriend, his baby sister, and your best friend, the exact date and nature of your last naughty dream about the gangly redhead'. Ron stared, open mouthed. He thought they had

been joking when they said she screamed his name occasionally in her sleep. 'I can't' he answered truthfully. Hermione hadn't mentioned anything like that. Well, she wouldn't, would she?

Parvati's eyes glittered. 'I thought you might say that' she smiled evilly 'LAVENDER!' she called up the stairs to her dorm. 'WHAT?' came the reply. 'SHE SAID WHAT YOU SAID SHE'D SAY! BRING THE MAGAZINE!'. There was the sound of feet pounding down the stairs. A very red and flushed Lavender appeared at the staircase entrance. 'I'LL DEAL WITH YOU LATER!' she bellowed up the stairs. Apparently Seamus had not yet sufficiently been dealt with. Lavender pulled Parvati over excitedly, and they began whispering. Lavender produced a magazine, Ms Magic, and her wand. They burst out in giggles, and seemed to have made a decision. 'Right' said Lavender, advancing, wand raised, on Ron 'This won't hurt a bit, Hermy'. Ron jerked his head back fearfully.

'What the Hell are you going to do to 'her'?' asked Hermione, furiously stepping in front of Ron, blocking him from view. She knew how sadistic her roommates could get. 'Ron, darling' cooed Lavender 'Don't worry. We won't hurt her. We've just got a _fabulous_ spell that's perfect for this truth. She won't tell, so we'll show' she laughed delightedly and, before Hermione could stop them, had aimed a purple mist at Ron. Suddenly they were in Ron's last dream. Ron was lying on his bed, his head resting on his hands. He looked like he was waiting for something, or more likely, someone.

There was a light tapping on the door, obviously someone female. Hermione began praying _Please, please don't let it be Lavender. If they think I dream about **them** together, I'll just have to leave school. Perhaps they'll take me at Durmstrang…_Ron jerked his head off the pillow, looking eagerly at the door. She stared as her own body snaked around the crack of the door. Harry and Ginny nudged each other, smirking. Harry raised his hand 'Do we have to watch? It's not gonna be nice for Gin, to see her brother, or me, because Hermione's **practically **my sister, to see them, uh, well' he coughed, embarrassed. Lavender tutted 'Fine. Be boring' she tapped each of them with her wand, and they faded back into the common room. Ron hastened to get himself tapped too, not wanting to be there when Hermione saw what he knew was coming. Lavender frowned and held her wand behind her back. 'No! Naughty Hermione. If there's something you can dream about, I'm sure you won't mind sharing it with the group'.

Ron groaned. WHY did he have to go out with this maniac? He couldn't bear to watch, particularly as Hermione was staring at him, brow furrowed in confusion. The Ron on the bed was grinning in anticipation, as if this was a situation he was well used to seeing regularly in his dreams. Dream-Ron made a motion to speak, but dream-Hermione shushed him with a finger to her lips, which were curved into a very un-Hermione-like smile. Dream-Ron grinned knowingly, and made a zipping motion across his mouth. Dream-Hermione frowned teasingly, kneeled either side of his legs so she was straddling him, reached down and 'unzipped' his mouth and replaced her hand with her lips on his, forcing his shoulders back onto the bed beneath her.

Lavender nudged Parvati, trying desperately not to giggle and break the horrified trance the 'couple' were in whilst watching the dream. She whispered, not too subtly 'Ooh, I never would have guessed! Looks like our prissy bookworm's been hiding a dominant streak all these years. I'm not sure Ron'll appreciate it though, he always liked to be the _forceful_ type when he dated me'. Parvati raised an unbelieving eyebrow, holding onto her friend for support as she collapsed in lung-bursting snickers.

Unfortunately, this seemed to have broken Ron's trace (though Hermione was still unable to turn away, open mouthed as the action unfolded before her eyes). 'Lavender, shut up. You know NOTHING about what Ron does or does not like. Stop going on about when you had that frankly embarrassing week or two.' Lavender was about to angrily reply, her shoulders squaring against Ron's as if preparing to fight (what with her thinking it was Hermione, not Ron himself). However, both were interrupted by Hermione. 'Lavender, if you don't tell me what spell you used _this second_ so I can reverse it, I swear on um, my, uh, broom! Yes, my broom, that I will, er, tell everyone what you did happened **that night**' she said in a threatening manner.

They glanced around her large frame to see why she was so bothered. Ron groaned and covered his eyes, cursing himself. 'My, my, Hermy' cooed Parvati 'Not quite as proper as we all thought, are we?'. Dream-Hermione, being in Ron's dream after all, was wearing very little. In fact, she was wearing only one of Ron's big shirts, which barely reached down to her calf. Lavender was looking rather pale, and mumbled some spell or other. Hermione glared, flicked her wand and they all faded back into the common room.

Lavender shot off to bed with a nervous backwards glance at Hermione, Parvati following, smirking. Ron was avoiding meeting Hermione's eyes, even though she was staring at him, her arms folded severely. He coughed. 'Um, well, I suppose I'll be getting off to bed, er, somewhere, if we're done here. Ginny and Harry have disappeared, so the game's over'. He made a motion to slink out of the door, but Hermione beckoned him back. 'That veritaserum was Snape's. You'll still be under the influence. First of all, I guessed that in such a sickening relationship, something embarrassing would have happened, and used it to bluff our way out of that. What happened?'

Ron blushed bright red. 'Do I have to tell you?' he asked, his voice cracking slightly. Hermione glared silently. 'She was going to, uh, you know, but I said no' he mumbled. Hermione raised an eyebrow. 'I'm not gay!' he assured her quickly. She smirked. 'I know. Why did you turn her down? She's gorgeous'. Ron's mouth moved of it's own accord. 'I never planned on going that far with her. I knew it'd ruin my chances with someone much more important'.

Hermione grinned. 'Bet she loved that, I don't think she's ever been turned down before. Come to that, I don't think she's ever turned anyone down before either' she sneered, mollified. 'Am I in your dreams often?' she asked quietly, staring intently at the floor. 'Yes'. Ron was tomato-coloured. Hermione met his eyes. 'Good. Come on, bed-time, I think. We're going home tomorrow, I need sleep to face your family'. Ron looked vaguely affronted 'Hey! They're not that bed! Well, Percy's the most boring person on Earth, and the twins are just annoying, and Bill's mad with wedding plans, and Ginny's so wrapped up in Harry we have to keep an eye on them at all times, but…' he trailed off. 'I see you point'.

'Where are we sleeping tonight?' Ron asked as Hermione led him out of the portrait-hole. 'Well, not the room of requirement because we've discovered it's not safe, not here because I don't want any more humiliation than I've already had tonight, so I'm almost out of ideas' she had a glint in her eye 'Almost'.

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A.N. Hahaha! I love magic, it means I can do ridiculously unlikely things to the characters and just say it's a spell. 

Sorry about the unbelievable chapter, the slowness of the update, etc. I could give excuses, but I'll spend my time on the next chapter instead.


	24. Chapter 24

A.N. I reread the last chapter, and there were a few grammar mistakes I would like to apologise for. I'll try to do better in this chapter. Also, it was mentioned in a review or two that the previous chapter was a little dirty. Admittedly, it did have Hermione and Ron alone in his bedroom (in the dream) but all they did was kiss. I don't think the rating needs to go up yet, as they're both still very much in denial about the other's feelings for them.

A.N.2. Reached 199 reviews! That means this chapter should give me my 200th review. Here's that doubly long chapter to say thank to all the people who review this story. Cookies for all!

Disclaimer: Not yet. ;-)

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'Seriously, 'Mione, where the Hell are we going?' asked a bewildered Ron as she led him through corridor after corridor, eventually emerging outside. 'Don't swear, Ron' she said absentmindedly. They began to approach the Forbidden Forest. Ron stopped dead. 'No' he said, shaking his head. 'No way. I'm not talking to any of Hagrid's friends unless you're petrified again, and as you're obviously not, you can forget it'. Hermione smiled. 'We're not going that far. Come on' she led him to Hagrid's hut, which was dark. 

'He's in France' she explained 'I promised to look in on Fang at least once or twice. He won't mind if we borrow the place for a night, and in these temperatures you can bet a mummy's boy like Malfoy won't come out here.' She flicked her wand at the lock which clunked open with an 'Alohamora'. Ron looked at her admiringly as she pushed it open, being immediately slobbered on by Fang. Hermione laughed and pushed him off.

Ron glanced around. 'Should I light a fire?' Hermione raised an unbelieving eyebrow. 'Yeah, ok, you light the fire. I'll see what he's got to eat' he said and Hermione rolled her eyes. 'We ate just a few hours ago' she complained. Ron nodded 'Yup' he agreed 'That's why it's time to eat'. Hermione sighed and flicked her wand at the fireplace as Ron rummaged around in Hagrid's cupboards. 'Let's see…chocolate, oysters, bananas, wine…what IS all this stuff?' he asked, confused. Hermione blushed and shut the cupboard doors, ignoring Ron's protests. 'It's too late to eat' she ad-libbed 'Let's just go to bed, ok?'.

Ron shrugged and clambered onto the oversized bed, pulling Hermione (with some difficulty) up behind him. 'Lucky we're already in our jim-jams, eh?' said Ron cheerily, trying desperately to ignore the fact that he was once again sharing a bed with Hermione, and due to this his breath was fairly shallow. 'Mm' she mumbled, snuggling down into the bed, her legs slightly entwined with his smaller smooth ones.

Hermione's breath was hot against his neck, raising the hairs on it. He shivered. Hermione draped an arm over him, wrongly assuming he was cold. 'The fire will make it warmer soon enough, Ron. Sweet dreams'. He could practically _hear_ her smirk. He blushed, and drifted off to sleep, comforted by her strong presence next to the curve of his back.

They awoke rather rudely with Fang fast asleep across them, drooling. There was someone battering the wooden door, yelling. Ron groaned and clamped his eyes shut, tired. 'Ron?' Hermione asked. 'Yeah, 'Mione?' he replied. 'I think someone might be at the door' she said, rolling over to go back to sleep. Ron rolled his closed eyes. Apparently it was his job to get rid of them. He tried to push the sleeping Fang off him, but failed to shift him. 'I can't get Fang off us, Hermione' he complained.

Hermione sighed. 'I can't sleep with that racket going on, and it's only' she glanced at her watch 'Five thirty. If I shove him off, will you see who it is?'. Ron muttered approval, so Hermione sat up, lifted Fang bodily from the bed, plonked him on the floor and crawled back into the giant bed. Ron slid reluctantly from the bed, which was lovely and warm, out into the hut which was by now absolutely freezing. He padded, in his pyjamas, over to the door and opened it, stifling a yawn.

Then he slammed it shut again and made a noise similar to 'Arghhhhh…um, 'Mione?'. 'Who is it, Ron?' she asked, snuggling happily under the duvet. 'Well, let me put it this way, uh, what would you say if, completely hypothetically of course, McGonnagal were waiting outside, possibly wondering why we're not in our beds, but in Hagrid's bed together, particularly as she seems to have heard those rumours about us dating?'. Hermione turned white.

'Glarghhh…I mean, oh god, oh god, oh god. I'm ruined. I was going for head girl, we'll both lose our prefect badges, everyone'll think…well, you know' she blushed. Ron gulped and took a deep breath. ''Mione, blame it on yourself' He ordered. Hermione looked furious 'Ronald Weasley, that is THE most selfish thing I've ever heard! How dare you try to get out of this, and blame it all on me! You just don't care about me, do you? I thought we were supposed to be friends, but apparently that was just on my side! You're a really horrible person at times, you know!' she scolded.

Ron waited patiently. 'Are you done?' he asked quietly. She deflated slightly 'I suppose so. Why?'. Ron smiled slightly 'You're in my body. When I said blame yourself, I meant I'll take the blame. Don't want to spoil that reputation of yours more than necessary, now, do we?'. Hermione stared at the floor, embarrassed. She should have known he would do something like that for her. 'And just what shall I say?' she asked.

Ron shrugged. 'You're the clever one, 'Mione' he said. Hermione frowned at him. 'Don't put yourself down like that' she ordered 'I suppose we could, ahm, be economical with the truth. We tell her we came down here to check on Fang, and fell asleep. No lies, we just fail to tell her we had the express intention of sleeping down here. That way, even if she insists we take veritaserum, we don't get in trouble'. 'Brilliant, 'Mione' he said 'That'll do perfectly'.

Hermione took a deep breath and opened the door to an even more furious Professor McGonnagal. 'Mister Weasley, you had better have a good explanation for being out of your dorms last night!' she fumed. Hermione proceeded to tell her the story they had just come up with. She seemed to be slightly pacified, but still disapproving. 'Well, I expected better of you, Miss Granger. This was extremely foolish of you. Had it been Professor Snape who found you, the pair of you would lose your badges. As it is, I am issuing you with a severe reprimand. If I find out that you lead Miss Granger astray again, Mister Weasley, I shall tell your mother'.

She stalked away, leaving Ron bright red and Hermione giggling quietly. 'Lead you astray?' he asked incredulously. 'Better watch out, Ron, we don't want your mum finding out what a bad influence you are on me' she smirked. Ron grinned. 'Ah, well, Miss Granger, I seem to have a slightly different recollection on the previous night's events. As far as I can remember, it was you who suggested we sleep here. What do you say to that, Miss Granger?'

Hermione shook her head ruefully. 'I know, I know. What a shame, though, that no-one would ever believe it'. Ron raised an eyebrow 'Yeah. My only comfort is that now everyone thinks I've done it once, they won't mind me…leading you astray again'. 'Oh, yes?' asked Hermione 'Well, I look forward to it. Come on, we'd better go and get dressed, we're catching the train in a few hours'.

They made their way in silence up to the castle. It was still very early, so there were very few people about. Those that were up gave them an odd look or two as they entered the castle in their pyjamas, but they glared defiantly on their way up to Gryffindor.

Luckily none of the players from last night were awake. They paused by the stairs to the dorms. 'What do we do for the next few hours? Apart from breakfast, there's nothing to do until the train leaves' asked Hermione. Ron shrugged. 'I suppose you've packed, then' he said. Hermione stared. 'You haven't?' she asked, horrified. 'Nah, I guessed I'd just chuck everything into my trunk before we leave'. Hermione scowled. 'Not on my watch' she said sternly, dragging him up to the boy's dorm.

Ron pushed the door open. 'Ugh' said Hermione, wrinkling her nose 'Are they always like this?'. Ron glanced around his dorm. Neville was asleep, drooling all over his pillow. Seamus was half-wrapped in his sheets, thrashing roughly and muttering what sounded like 'No, Lavender, I swear, I wasn't looking at her, please, no, Lavender, put the wand down…' Ron and Hermione exchanged glances. Dean was slumped on the floor next to Seamus' bed, wearing only his boxers and a worrying grin.

'Pretty much' he sighed. 'Can I still stay with you after we've switched back?'. Hermione smiled 'I'll see what I can do, but shouldn't you be worrying about something else?'. Ron looked blank. Hermione rolled her eyes 'Look around the room again'. Ron did so, somewhat reluctantly. 'Well? They're gross, but I'm not too bothered.' Hermione bit her lip. 'Harry's not here'. Ron looked furious. 'That's it, I don't care if he IS the only one who can defeat You-Know-Who, I'm gonna kill him'.

Hermione flicked her wand at Ron's trunk, and all his stuff piled in neatly, locking with a quiet _click_. Then she followed him as he raced down the boys' dorms stairs and up the girls'. Ron was battering on Ginny's dorm door. 'Harry James Potter, you come out here and die like a man!' he bellowed. Hermione pulled him away, livid. 'Do you want them to know?' she hissed 'Do you want your brothers to ridicule you for the rest of eternity?' Ron drew his arm away from her. 'I don't care' he replied 'If he's in there with my little sister, my brothers won't care who's body I'm in when I kill Harry'.

Hermione's brows creased. 'Please, Ron. If not for yourself, for me. I don't want Malfoy to kill me, not yet. I'll sort out Harry, just leave it to me' she pleaded. Ron stared at the wall, struggling with himself. 'Fine' he said, defeated 'Just make sure you beat him to an unrecognisable pulp'. Hermione smiled at him 'Thanks Ron. And I'm not going to beat Harry up'. Ron was about to protest when a nervously-grinning Ginny appeared in the crack of the door.

'What was that, Ron?' she addressed Hermione, chuckling worriedly 'Harry's not here, he's in the boys' dorm. I learnt my lesson last time, you don't need to check up on us'. She clenched her eyes shut, realising her mistake. 'Us, Gin?' asked Hermione, amused but trying not to show it. Harry groaned from behind the door. 'Right then. You'd better let us in then , Harry' Hermione smirked, Ron biting his lip to prevent himself beating Harry to within an inch of his life behind her.

Reluctantly, Ginny stepped back to let them enter. Hermione smiled when she saw the couple looking down guiltily at their shuffling feet. Ron shoved the door wide enough to let him in too, and almost whooped with joy. Harry was no longer in his pyjamas from last night, but in clean jeans and a sweatshirt. He'd obviously gone separately to bed last night, and come to Ginny's room in the morning. Hermione noticed his grin, recognising what he had realised, and squeezed his hand, pleased for him.

Unfortunately, while Harry was busy celebrating Ron not pushing him off the astronomy tower for being in his baby sister's room, Ginny's sharp eyes saw the contact between the two. 'Hmm. I wonder how my big brother can come in reprimanding me, when none of us know where he and his girlfriend' (Ron and Hermione blushed) 'Were last night. All we know is, both of them are still in their PJ's' she snorted. Ron and Hermione looked at each other. They had indeed forgotten to get dressed yet. Harry shook his head reprovingly.

'Honestly, you two. What WOULD your mother say, Ron? I dare say we'll find out, though, when we go home this afternoon' he grinned. Ginny looked unconvinced 'I'm not sure she'd be too upset, actually, my boy-who-lo' she coughed, embarrassed 'Harry. I mean, I've got six brothers, five of whom have inherited the Weasley charm, and she's gotten used to the idea that they're going to use it. She'll just be glad that one of them was clever enough to pick a girl sensible enough not to let it get to her too much'. 'Shame I'm a slave to it' laughed Harry, wrapping an arm fondly around Ginny's waist.

Ron looked disgusted. Hermione noticed, rolled her eyes, and churned out a Ron-like response 'Urgh, mate, I mean I know we're close and everything, but I just don't swing that way. It was bad enough when you were all lovey-dovey with my sister, but _this_…' she said, trying to sound like Ron looked. Harry thumped her teasingly on the arm. 'I WAS talking about Ginny, you dolt. She's a Weasley too, remember?' he reminded Hermione, who had to copy Ron's relieved but red expression. 'Oh yeah' she mumbled, silently laughing to herself.

'Go on, the pair of you, get dressed, you're setting a bad example' said Ginny, smirking. Mollified, Ron and Hermione up to the girls' dorm. Parvati was probably in the bath, as they could hear splashing noises from the bathroom, and Lavender was still snoozing, pretentiously wearing a sleep mask which said 'I don't **need** my beauty sleep'. The effect of her long blonde hair spread around her head on the pillow like a halo and gentle, peaceful expression were somewhat ruined by the fact she snored like she was cutting logs.

Ron stared at her in distaste. 'Is she always like this?' he whispered to Hermione, who nodded 'Never seen her first thing in a morning?' she asked. Ron shook his head angrily. ''Mione, you _know_ I haven't. Stop saying things like that, I've said I was sorry for the whole business'. Hermione didn't reply, just opened her trunk and began taking out clothes for Ron to wear that day. She helped Ron on with them in total silence, apart from the roar emitting from Lavender's nose. 'Say something, 'Mione, you're scaring me' said Ron worriedly. Hermione smiled 'Sorry, Ron, I was just thinking'.

Ron grinned 'Nothing new there. What about?'. Hermione looked at him as he pulled a sweatshirt over his head. 'You'. Ron wrenched his head through the neck hole. 'Really?' he asked, suppressing a smirk. Hermione wasn't done 'And her' she said, gesturing to sleeping beauty. Ron's smirk slipped 'Oh. What are you thinking about us?' Hermione glared. 'I mean, um, Lavender and I?' he corrected himself. She sighed 'I was thinking about last night. That spell. I understand perfectly why you were so embarrassed, Ron, and I don't blame you. It's natural, even expected to have dreams about friends of the opposite gender, it often happens with people our age. It's not often it happens in front of one's ex, though. I'm sorry you had to go through that'.

Ron shrugged. 'Don't care. Maybe she'll stop harassing me after this, if she thinks I'm really with you. After all, if I was, she should know she wouldn't have a chance if I were'. Hermione smiled sadly 'Maybe'. She tiptoed out of the room, Ron following, and was just beyond the door when a high squeal came from behind them. Ron froze, knowing he was in full view of the dorm girls. 'Hermy! Where _were_ you last night? Wake up, Lav, it's Herms!' twittered Parvati, who was coming out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. At the sound of her best friend's voice, Lavender snorted violently and woke up, bounding out of bed, her eyes glittering cheekily.

Ron glanced through the crack of the door at Hermione, who shrugged and slipped away. Ron desperately tried to follow, but was caught by Parvati. Hermione was long gone. 'Herm, where _were_ you last night? Was Ronniekins upset with you because you're even controlling in your dreams?' asked Lavender, pseudo-sympathetically. Ron gritted his teeth at this jab at Hermione, but didn't say anything, in case he accidentally shouted at her. Parvati wanted her say too 'Well, Lav, he couldn't have been _too_ upset, because I saw them first thing this morning coming up from Hagrid's hut together. They looked pretty cosy' Ron blushed, but grinned at Lavender victoriously.

To his surprise, Lavender didn't scream in anger, or slap him, or yell at her friend. She beamed at him. 'Oh, my darling Hermy!' she cooed (Ron bit his lip when she said the nickname) 'So you finally got up the courage. That was your first time, wasn't it? You know, if you're telling the truth about Malfoy, Snape, Victor Krum' Ron went an odd shade of red, but Lavender wasn't finished 'McLaggen, Harry and that Sam guy. Now, I know you are with Harry, because that little redhead of his is frankly dangerous if anyone so much as goes near him' Parvati nodded feverishly in agreement 'And I know Slytherins aren't your thing for some reason. It's a bit touch and go with McLaggen, because he's so grabby, and I can't see why anyone would turn down an international Quidditch star, but you're weird like that. Apart from them and this Sam guy you talk so much about, Ron's the only possibility!' she said excitedly.

Ron was speechless. To think Hermione was giving _him_ the hard time. 'So, Hermy, how was it? I remember my first time like it was yesterday' she sighed nostalgically 'If only I could remember _who_ it was. Anyway, this is about you. Tell us everything!' Lavender and Parvati had bundled a furious Ron onto one of the beds and were sitting cross-legged, waiting for the story. Ron managed to croak out a 'There's really nothing to tell' but they weren't having any of it. 'Now, now, now, Herms, we're not letting you go until you spill, you ought to know that by now' reprimanded Parvati. Lavender nodded 'That's right. Now, was he rough, or sweet? He was always the rough and ready type with me' she winked nastily 'Where is he, by the way? Aww, Hermie, he hasn't dumped you, has he?' Ron was close to boiling point. How DARE she suggest he'd do that to Hermione? And do THAT with HER?

Lavender had obviously decided that was what was up with 'Hermione'. 'Oh, darling, it's only to be expected really' she comforted, rubbing her hand up and down Ron's back 'You just can't expect to compare with someone like me, who has experience. I shouldn't have had him first; he'd never want you after he had me. I'm so sorry, Herm. At least you've got some spares to fall back on. Try Krum, he's always seemed a bit desperate to get you back. Leave to tough ones to me. Ron was probably just a bit too…untamed for someone like you to handle'. Ron exploded. She was making him sound like some kind of wild animal! Realisation hit him. That's what she was intending, to scare Hermione away from him.

Shame she didn't know it actually was Ron. 'Lavender' he hissed 'I know that not one word that comes out of your pretty, poisonous little mouth is true. You never had him. He's nothing like you make him out to be. If he was a bit on the over-enthusiastic side with you, that's only because he never cared about you. We didn't sleep together, if you must know, but if we ever did, I know he'd be the most gentle guy in the world because to him, I'm not just a body, I'm a person. And if you don't leave us the hell alone, I'm going to curse you in your sleep. Don't judge all of us by your standards, you slag'. Lavender was going to screech a reply, but Ron just stalked out before she could say anything, slamming the door behind him.

He eventually found Hermione coming down from the boy's dorm, where she'd gotten dressed. She looked vaguely sickened. 'Your roommates wanted details from last night' she told him 'Apparently they always thought that as I'm the repressed intelligent type, I'd be great. Sort of flattering, really, in a twisted kind of way' she said cheerfully. Then she noticed his expression. 'What did they do to you?' she asked, concerned, leading Ron over to a couch so he could sit and tell her. 'Lavender. Asking about last night' Hermione looked sympathetic 'Well, it was no more than I would expect from those two gossip queens' she sighed. Ron shook his head. 'This was worse. Lavender seemed to think we'd, um, you know, last night. She kept saying what a brute I was when I was with her and stuff.' Hermione nodded, having heard all this off Lavender before. 'Don't call me crazy, 'Mione, but I think she was trying to scare you' he mumbled, embarrassed.

Hermione laughed loudly. 'She thinks she can make me _scared_ of you? Does the girl not know that I've spent all but about two weeks a year with you since first year? That I've slept in the room next to yours, and with you a few times over the past few days? I couldn't be scared of you if I tried. You're just a big softy, what could you ever do to me?'. Ron breathed a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding, relieved. A devious look passed across his features. 'Well, 'Mione, I know in our proper bodies I know most of your ticklish spots, but I know ALL my own. So…' he leapt on Hermione, mercilessly wiggling his fingers up and down her sides where he knew he had a particular weakness.

'Honestly, and they call us bed!' laughed a familiar voice from behind them. Harry and Ginny were standing with very amused expressions on their faces, and trunks by their feet. 'I nipped up to get yours, Ron, and Gin collected yours, Herm. First time I think Ron's ever packed before the train leaves. You must finally be having some influence on him! Come on, let's grab some breakfast and get to the train, it leaves in an hour' said Harry, gesturing towards the four big cases. Gratefully, Ron and Hermione levitated their adopted trunks out of the portrait hole, and headed down to the Great Hall.

The four ate in companionable contentedness, chatting idly about Christmas and the forthcoming holiday. Ron and Hermione lagged behind after most of the other students had finished eating, because Ron was still cramming as much food into his mouth as humanly possible. Hermione sighed 'It's not as if your mum doesn't cook brilliant food at home, Ron, I don't see why you've got to eat so much. Particularly while you're in my body'. Ron tried to talk, but Hermione turned her head and refused to listen to his explanation until he had finished the mouthful he was eating. Ron swallowed, and said 'It's a four hour train journey, 'Mione, and what if the sweet cart got left behind, or someone ate everything off it before I could get to it, or…'. Hermione rolled her eyes 'Come on, we're leaving. If you don't hurry up, we'll be sharing a compartment with strangers.'

The two hurried with their trunks and struggled onto the already steaming train, and began looking for Harry and Ginny. Just as Hermione had predicted, most of the compartments were full. They just had to hope that the Chosen One and his girlfriend had managed to get one they could share. Panting, Ron wrenched his heavy trunk behind him, deeply regretting how comparably weak he was now. Hermione was pulling hers along with ease a little way behind her. Ron was glaring at her as she smirked cheerfully at him, happy not having to struggle. Understandably, this meant that Ron didn't notice the figure in front of him until he had smacked headlong into them, knocking them onto a heap on the floor.

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A.N. There you go, nice and long and fairly fast. Aren't you lucky?

Who did Ron fall over? Will they be angry? Will they EVER tell Harry and Ginny about the switch? Will you review?


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I disclaim Harry Potter. Draco Malfoy is an entirely different matter ;-)

A.N. I actually have the next chapter already written, apart from a few details. I'd love people to guess what Hermione's present is, and if anyone gets it right, the next chapter will be dedicated to them! All reviewers still get cookies, though, right or not.

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With Ron's wonderful luck (and because the author was missing him) it couldn't be anyone but Malfoy. Ron was crushing Malfoy slightly. Neither was a happy bunny. 'Mudblood, anyone could be along and see you. Get the hell off. I know I'm hard to resist, especially when you've only got the Weasel, but I just don't do that with scum. Sorry to disappoint' Malfoy managed to seem utterly superior, even whilst being squished. Ron glared viciously, kicking Malfoy as he got up. The trained goons that trailed after Malfoy everywhere he went cracked their knuckles at Hermione. Apparently even they wouldn't hit a 'girl'. 

Hermione laid a placating hand on Ron's shoulder to prevent him ripping Malfoy's aristocratic head off his shoulders. 'Leave him' she murmured 'He's not worth it'. Ron settled on glowering at the blond. 'Cleverer than you look, Weasel, keeping her on a lead like that. This is a last warning before you sneak back to whatever hole you live in. You're not to be in Britain after boxing day until the day before start of term, ok? Unless of course you want your pet mudblood to…_entertain_ my father and his friends. Although I understand Severus will be there, so there should be at least one friendly face' he laughed evilly.

Hermione's grip tightened on Ron's shoulder. 'Malfoy' Ron growled 'Not that I don't appreciate the details, but the delivery could use a little work. That basically means: Lay the hell off, uh, me, if you don't want Ron to rip your stinking guts out of you and use them to string you from a tree.' Hermione stared slightly incredulously at him, as did Crabbe and Goyle. Malfoy just laughed. 'Now, now, Weasel, keep her to heel or I might just accidentally let it slip that I know where you're going for New Year at dinner tonight. Yes, I heard you talking' he waved away their horrified expressions 'Mudblood, don't boss around a pureblood like that, even a poor excuse for one. Weasel, either stop her pretending she's on our level or, if you can't control her, I'll take her for myself'.

He sneered at Ron's utterly sickened expression 'Oh, you know I could if I just snapped my fingers, Mudblood. Later' he stalked away, followed faithfully by his gormless oafs. Hermione grabbed Ron's shoulders just in time as his legs wobbled, then collapsed underneath him. 'You're all right now, Ron, come on. He's gone, don't worry'. Ron shook his head, disgusted. 'First one on the list, 'Mione, and he treats you like that. He encouraged _me_ to treat you like that! _Lavender_ said he was a candidate for…you know' he blushed 'Promise me what he said was lies, please, 'Mione'. Hermione smiled at his hopelessness. 'Ron, I can't believe you think anything _Lavender_ says is worth your time. Same for Malferret. She only thinks that because YOU tried to seduce him, anyway' she sighed, at which Ron shuddered.

'Please, promise me that once we switch back you'll obliviate me. Promise' Hermione smiled and promised, leading him towards the other end of the train, far away from the Slytherins. They spotted Harry and Ginny in a compartment, chatting, and Hermione stopped him, looking serious. 'Ron, I've decided we should tell them' she said, rather nervously. Ron's eyes widened in utter horror. 'No way, 'Mione' he said, pacing up and down 'I won't do it. My brothers will never let me live it down. Everyone will know I tried to seduce that blond bastard!' he cried, looking decidedly green. 'Besides, it might get out of the family. Someone could hear us' he whispered darkly 'This switch is the best thing that could have happened to us, with Mister Malfoy after you. This way, he's actually after me. If Malferret does rat us out, you'll be ok, you're pureblooded now. Or at least people think you are, so you'll be safe. My family'll look after you. I'm not risking this'. He glared defiantly at her, daring her to question him. 'Ron, I was just saying perhaps we might let them know we're not really dating?' she suggested tentatively, at which Ron blushed bright red. Hermione laughed 'I love you, you idiot', ruffling his messy brown hair, causing him to blush even brighter.

This decided, they joined Harry and Ginny. 'What took you two so long?' asked Harry, his eyebrow quirked 'As if I couldn't guess'. Ron and Hermione blushed, as Ginny slapped him playfully. 'Stop teasing them!' she admonished 'But seriously, why WERE you so long?'. Ron rolled his eyes 'We ran into Malferret. Again' he sighed. 'Ah' said Harry tactfully 'Which eye can he no longer see out of?'. They ignored him and sat down opposite.

The rest of the train ride passed fairly uneventfully. Apart from, of course, Ron and Hermione calmly informing Harry and Ginny that they weren't really dating. Harry groaned. 'Oh, guys, not 'friends with benefits'? Please no! That's just such a mistake!' Ron and Hermione turned pink in embarrassment and anger. ''Ron' would never take advantage of 'me' like that' Ron hissed, furious. Hermione smiled briefly at him, before adding 'Besides, Harry, You ought to know 'Hermione' better than that by now. She doesn't do that with just…friends. We never did **anything**!'

Ginny glared at the pair. 'You know mum's gonna be crushed, don't you, Ron? I already sent her an owl. She's been waiting for this to happen since she met Hermione in second year. You're an idiot, Ron!' Hermione looked angrily at the petite redhead. ''_I_' am not, Ginny. You just don't realise how clever I can be sometimes' Ron stared at Hermione, flattered and confused. Ginny just rolled her eyes.

'So why were you two pretending to date then? You seemed pretty natural to me' she asked. The ex-'couple' filled them in on the whole Malfoy plot, which was met with appropriate horror. 'At least he warned us about that Death Eater meeting' Hermione said fairly. 'That's why we're going to stay with uh, 'Hermione's parents for the New Year'. Harry became serious. 'Do you want me to come, Herm?' he asked. Ron shook his head. 'That's ok, Harry. We'll be fine. You should be too, I got the impression this was a muggle-born hunt rather than a proper attack' he scowled.

'So you're really not together?' asked Ginny, disappointed. Hermione smiled sadly and shook her head. Ginny sighed 'Mum's wanted Hermione in the family since she met her. Harry too, obviously, but I'm already working on that' she smirked, and laid her hand on Harry's thigh. 'You'd better watch out, Herm. Mum figured you'd want Ron, but if you don't, she'll set you up with another option. I've got four other eligible brothers. Who'd you want? Fred? George? Percy? How about Charlie? I can recommend him, very cute, excitingly dangerous, charming smile' she offered, grinning.

Hermione blinked, shocked. She had never even thought of Ron's brothers that way. It was very flattering of Mrs Weasley to want her as a daughter-in-law that much, but…they weren't Ron, she admitted to herself. Ron was in an equal state of shock. Ginny was joking. Of course she was. None of his brothers could handle Hermione. They didn't know her. That was _his_ job he thought, glaring moodily. Ginny noticed their stony expressions and chuckled. 'Come on you two, stop being so ruddy miserable. We've stopped, look' she pointed outside the window to the train station, where the Weasleys were waiting cheerfully for them to get off. The no-longer-'couple' shook their heads, collected their suitcases and trooped off behind Ginny and Harry.

Mr and Mrs Weasley, the twins and Charlie were waiting outside, holding a muggle newspaper. 'Come on, you lot, get round the portkey' chided Mr Weasley gently, after everyone had had their hug from Mrs Weasley. The four underage students crowded around the newspaper with their trunks, vaguely hearing the pops as the others dissapparated. They were jerked off their feet with a familiar naval tug, and landed unceremoniously in a heap in the Weasley's sitting room. Mrs Weasley was already in the kitchen, preparing dinner. 'Trunks away, clothes changed and down for dinner in an hour!' she called. Ginny rolled her eyes. 'Levitating charms, people' she said, making her trunk float in front of her up the stairs. Harry followed suit, then 'Ron' and 'Hermione'.

Ginny flung herself into her room, Harry into Ron's. Ron was about to follow him, when Hermione grabbed him by the back of the shirt. 'Ron!' she hissed 'You're me! That's my room now, you're bunking with Ginny' she pushed him in the appropriate direction, and followed Harry. Luckily she already well knew which bed was Ron's and plonked his trunk down on the bright orange duvet. Feeling vaguely as if she was spying, she opened Ron's trunk and began putting 'her' clothes away, chatting amiably to Harry ash she tidied. 'You're being awfully neat, mate' observed Harry 'Hermione must have finally had some effect on you'.

Hermione blushed with pleasure, folding and ordering Ron's clothes, picking out a smart t-shirt and jeans to change into after she had finished unpacking. Quite soon she had done all the clothes, reaching a second layer of stuff in his trunk, obviously everything else Ron thought he might need over Christmas. There were a few spell books chucked in any old how, a framed picture of him, her and Harry waving at the camera cheerfully, spare parchment, a few quills, and what could only be Christmas presents. There was a box of Honeydukes' best chocolates, carefully labelled 'Mum', a Swiss army knife labelled 'Dad' (she smiled-Mr Weasley would love it), a heart bracelet labelled 'Ginny', a set of seeker gloves for Harry, a burns kit for Charlie, an earring for Bill, some boring book or other for Percy, two dog-tag necklaces, one saying 'Gred', the other 'Forge', and a sparkly gold paper bag with a matching label saying 'Merry Christmas Hermione, love Ron'. The 'love' had been crossed out and re-written twice.

This was DEFINITELY spying. Hermione glanced at Harry, who was still stuck with his clothes, and, feeling immensely guilty, stuck her hand inside.

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What has Ron got Hermione for Christmas? How will she handle sharing a room with Harry? How will Mrs Weasley take the news about our favourite non-'couple'? Am I insane for writing Christmas into a fanfic at this time of year? 


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: Why are these necessary? Can I just write 'I disclaim' without specifying WHAT I'm disclaiming? What would happen if I wrote 'I claim'? Do lawyers even read fanfics? Wouldn't they be too busy?

A.N. For Fred.

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Hermione pulled out a folded piece of cloth. She sighed. So much for her hopes of a necklace (or, if she admitted to her wildest fantasies, a ring). Of course Ron only thought of her as bookworm-Hermione, knee socks and top buttons Hermione. She couldn't blame him. She unfolded it, and had to stop herself gasping. It was a dress. A deep red velvet dress trimmed with gold. There was a note pinned to it. It read 'Dear Hermione, I picked this out before the incident, so sorry if it doesn't quite fit. I asked Harry if he knew your measurements, but Seamus started laughing uproariously for some reason, so I had to guess. It's charmed, it'll change design and colour on demand. Perfect for the girl who hates shopping. I feel bloody stupid giving it to you now, seeing as I'll be the one wearing it until we switch back, but I didn't have time to get you anything else. Love Ron'. 

'Don't worry, Ron' Harry's voice broke her reverie 'She'll love it. You spent enough time bothering me what to get her, now you've settled on something, you can stop fussing and just enjoy Christmas! Only tomorrow to go, too'. Had Ron really spent time worrying about what to get her? She wondered. And Harry was right. She _did_ love it. She stowed it away in the bag again, a smile playing on her lips.

Meanwhile, in Ginny's room, Ron was throwing Hermione's neatly folded school clothes into Ginny's wardrobe. He stacked her many, **many** books on the shelves, and made a neat pile of her Christmas presents, which were already meticulously wrapped. Mum, Dad, Harry, Ginny, Twins, Percy, Charlie, Bill, himself, Mr and Mrs Weasley. He read the tags without much interest, as he couldn't unwrap them to see what everyone had got. He alighted upon the final present. He frowned at it. There was one too many. Who could he have forgotten? He knew she had sent Hagrid his present days ago. '_Dear Sam, Merry Christmas and a happy new year, love Hermione' _read the neat cursive script.

Ron's blood went cold. It said 'Love Hermione'. Frantically he searched through the pile he had already sorted. Oh, his own label said 'Love Hermione' too. He breathed out in relief. Ginny snorted from behind him. 'You do this every year, Herm. His present's not going to vanish into thin air. You don't have to panic'. Ron grinned in what he hoped looked an embarrassed way, and put both back on the pile. Wait, every year? Hermione panicked about losing his present _every year_? The grin changed from embarrassed to cheerful.

This changed again when his mother called up the stairs 'Are you lot changed yet? Dinner's going to be cold!'. Oh Merlin. He had to pick out an outfit Hermione would approve of, all by himself, and he still hadn't worked out how to do the bra. He'd just have to change his outer clothes, and leave his underwear unchanged. He rifled through her casual clothes, which he still hadn't gotten around to putting away. He shoved on an acceptable looking pair of jeans and a t-shirt, not looking down. Well, he had the memory, he didn't need to.

He had a last rummage around her trunk for a jumper, as it had begun to snow outside and it wasn't very warm. Books, books, clothes, books…whoa! Ron pulled out what looked remarkably like a piece of black string from among the sensible white underwear. A quick search rewarded him with a matching bra. He was staring at them, unable to believe the prim and proper Hermione he knew could ever own such things. Ginny looked up and smiled. 'You haven't got round to wearing those yet, have you?' she laughed 'I got you them _last_ year! I bet you've still got the price tags on, haven't you?' she snatched the thong off Ron before he could protest. 'Ooh! I was wrong! Somebody's got a hidden side. Come on, tea's probably ready'.

Ginny threw the garment back into Hermione's trunk, and Ron flopped down onto her bed. His mind was spinning with new images. He shook his head. This wasn't right. She was his best friend. He couldn't think of her like that, as much as he wanted to. Sighing, he shoved them in a drawer and reached right to the bottom of her drawer for a jumper. There was one he recognised, buried under a huge heap of other stuff, obviously designed to hide it. The jumper was maroon. He grinned and slipped it over his head. In his own body, he would have grown out of it, as his mother had sent it to him in fourth year. In Hermione's body his Christmas jumper was a little big, and he had to push the sleeves up. Feeling strangely elated, he followed Ginny downstairs.

Harry and Hermione had also heard Mrs Weasley shout. Harry rolled his eyes at the piles of stuff he still hadn't sorted, and began to get changed. Hermione glanced around…Merlin! Quidditch hadn't done Harry any harm. He unbuckled his belt, and Hermione whipped around to face the wall as if she had been stung. Bleurgh, she thought as she got changed herself. Seeing her practically-brother undress was not an experience she wished to repeat. She kicked her shoes under the bed, pulled on the clothes she had picked out and padded down to the kitchen barefoot.

She sat own at the table next to Harry and Ron. Everybody else was already there, mostly eating already. 'Finally here, Ron? We were going to report you missing, you're normally eating before it's off the stove!' chuckled Charlie. Hermione blushed. 'Now, now, Charlie, don't tease your brother in front of Hermione' said Mrs Weasley fondly. 'Why?' asked one of the twins. Hermione couldn't tell them apart. 'Oh, don't make a fuss, but she and Ron have become something of an item, so I'm told!' she beamed at the pair of them.

The twins looked as if Christmas had come early. Not that it was a long wait, but anyway. They turned, grinning like Cheshire cats at the 'couple'. 'Well, looks like our little Ronniekins finally turned into a man! And our poor Hermione lost her mind. Such a shame, she was such a promising witch' they sighed, wiping fake tears from their eyes. Ron and Hermione scowled. 'Actually, they're not dating. They have to pretend to because Hermione slept with Malfoy, and if his father finds out he'll kill her' said Ginny matter-of-factly. Six open-mouthed faces turned on Hermione.

'You weren't kidding, Gred, she really has lost her mind' said a horrified Forge. Mrs Weasley had turned a rather interesting shade of red. Ron stood up hesitantly 'No! It wasn't like that at all, trust me. What happened was, uh, well, me and 'Ron', see, we were in a bit of a mess because of a potions lesson, but that was before, not that anything happened after, and then, erm'.

Ron wasn't the best liar in the world, and there were the three women around the table who could ALWAYS tell when he was lying. Ginny was eating, not particularly interested. Hermione was looking desperately at him, willing him to come up with something better. His mum was glaring at him as if he was something nasty she had stepped in. 'I'm sure, Hermione dear' she said frostily 'Just let me have a little word with Ron out in the hall' and with a look of quietly murderous determination on her face, dragged Hermione by the arm out into the hall after her.

To say Hermione was nervous was like saying George Bush is a little on the slow side, or Harry was a teeny bit fed up with fighting Voldemort. Mrs Weasley sat her down on one of the stairs and looked seriously at her. 'Listen, Ron. I know you won't like to hear this, but just remember I'm your mother and I just want what's best for you, ok?' she asked, and Hermione nodded, squirming. Mrs Weasley took a deep breath and continued 'I want you to stop this. You can't put yourself in danger for a, a, _scarlet woman_ like her. I thought it was bad enough when she was playing you off against Victor Krum in fourth year, seeing you mope for weeks until she got here, but this is too far. The girl obviously doesn't care about you. I thought perhaps she might have had her eye on Percy, but apparently not.' _Percy?_ Thought Hermione disgustedly _Eurgh_. 'If she's going around doing…**that** with potential Death Eaters like him she doesn't deserve you OR this family. Move on, son. I think it would be better if Hermione went home to her parents for the rest of Christmas, too.'

Hermione felt as if the bottom of her stomach had dropped out. She managed a choked 'Thanks, 'mum'' before running upstairs, sobbing. Mrs Weasley shook her head sadly and rejoined the rest of her family. Ron looked around as she entered, confused. 'Where's 'Ron'?' he asked. Mrs Weasley pursed her lips. 'He went up to his room. He was feeling rather unwell. It's best you leave him, dear. Oh, and we decided it would be better all round if you go to your parents for the remainder of Christmas.' Ron stared at his mother. He couldn't believe she had effectively told Hermione she wasn't welcome in his own home. 'WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!' he bellowed and, without waiting for a reply, abandoned his food, rushing off to find Hermione.

He found her on his bed, his pillow soaking wet with tears. He laid his hand gently on her shoulder and she jumped. 'Oh, it's you' she sniffed, wiping her tears away with her sleeve. Ron's heart was breaking to see her in crying. 'Whatever she said, she didn't mean it' he said, helplessly trying to cheer her up. 'Apparently I'm a scarlet woman who plays with Pureblooded Death Eaters to put you in danger, and I should go home to my muggle parents, you know, put them in the line of fire instead. I don't care about you or your feelings and I'm not worthy of staying with the Weasleys'.

Ron's expression was painful to see. He looked more miserable than he ever had before. ''Mione, I think we should just tell them. I don't want her thinking anything bad about you. I know you'd never play with my emotions, and I thought she did too. She doesn't mean any of it, she loves you like a daughter really. And I won't let anything hurt your parents. But if you do go to your parents now, even if we explain to everyone, I'm coming with you. If there's any chance that Malfoy senior is after you, I'm not letting you out of my sight'.

Hermione smiled weakly. 'Thanks, Ron, I know she thinks she's just looking out for you. We can't tell them, though I appreciate the offer. Apart from anything else, if the twins found out you were in a girl's body they'd never let you live it down' Ron smiled, as Hermione continued 'I'm not going to ruin your Christmas, you'll want to spend it with your family. I'll have to stay here, I suppose, and either think up a good story or put up with your mum thinking you're gullible and I'm a _Lavender_'. Ron nodded solemnly. 'So what's the story?' he asked after a few moments pause. Hermione giggled against her will.

'Give me a minute or two! It'll have to explain why we had a fake relationship on Malfoy's orders after my body was caught looking dishevelled in his room. That's a worse task than Snape's ever given us'. Ron crinkled his nose in repulsion. 'Uhhh' he thought 'What if we were actually dating, but you had humiliated Malfoy whilst trying to get information out of him about this Death Eater rally? You discovered that it was aimed at you and your parents and selflessly volunteered to say we were 'pretending' to date on Malfoy's orders to keep me from harm. Malfoy went along with it because you would spread the embarrassing story around school if he didn't. You were trying to protect me. You end up the hero, and my 'love' for you is fully justified. It also provides a good excuse to go and stay with your parents later'. Hermione gaped. 'It's heroine, Ron, not hero' she said absentmindedly 'But apart from that it's absolute genius! Oh, I don't give you enough credit!' she leapt to hug Ron, who fell back onto the bed, being slightly crushed by Hermione's new, Quidditch-induced weight.

'MUM!' came a holler from just outside the open door, courtesy of the grinning twins 'Ron and Hermione have made up!' with a crack, Mrs Weasley appeared upstairs, blushing when she noticed their compromising position. 'See?' she whispered loudly to the twins 'A scarlet woman through and through!'. Hermione looked miserable and, face bright red, climbed off the slightly squashed Ron. Ron glared, and told his mother the story he had made up not a minute earlier. By the end of it, Mrs Weasley was nearly in tears. 'Oh, Hermione darling I'm so sorry! I can't believe you poor things had to tell Ginny that horrible story on the train in case someone was listening.' The newly reinstated 'couple' glanced at each other guiltily. 'And Hermione, I take back everything I said. I should have known you were just trying to protect Ron, it's just hard not to think of him as three years old. You'll know when you have children of your own someday' she smiled benevolently at the now bright red pair.

Fred and George were still at the door snickering. Mrs Weasley noticed, and scolded them 'Come on, you two, get out! Leave your little brother and soon-to-be-sister-in-law' (they blushed again) 'They need a little privacy. Come down for pudding in half an hour or so, ok, kids?' she asked, and without waiting for an answer closed the door behind her and the twins. 'Can we have our own room?' Hermione called after her. They distinctly heard chuckling before a reply of 'Don't push your luck!' and they were alone again. Hermione flopped on the bed. 'Well, we're dating again' she sighed, secretly not all too unhappy at the idea. Ron was staring at her. '_Can we have our own room?_' he asked, shell-shocked. Hermione shrugged. 'It'd make things lot easier, you have to admit. Besides, I'm not a scarlet woman anymore, I'm a heroine. Plus it's your body asking, it's normal standard for you' Ron turned away from her gaze, utterly embarrassed.

'Come on, let's go down and get some dinner, if there's any left. I abandoned mine to look for you, you know' it was Hermione's turn to stare. 'And you called me the hero' she muttered in amazement; Ron _never_ missed meals. The two proceeded downstairs where, just as Ron had predicted, there was none of the main course left. Mrs Weasley was cheerfully finishing telling the assembled family how brave Hermione had been. 'Um, about that, uh, mum' Hermione began. Mrs Weasley smiled her 'him' 'Yes, Ron, sweetheart?' she asked, turning to check on the chocolate pudding in the oven. 'Hermione and I aren't going to be here for New Year's Eve, I'm going to meet her parents. They're skiing in the Alps, so we should be relatively safe'.

Mrs Weasley shrieked in delight. 'My little Ronniekins, meeting his future in-laws! Oh, I never thought I'd see the day, I thought you were too stubborn to EVER admit to Hermione how you feel, never mind meet her parents!' she began sobbing and embraced 'Ron' in a bone-crushing hug. Mr Weasley eagerly began giving 'Hermione' a list of thing he wanted to know from her parents. Ron rolled his eyes and said without thinking 'Yes, dad'. His and Hermione's eyes snapped wide open in fear until Mr Weasley chortled and said 'Give it time, Hermione, though I don't doubt I will be someday'. After the huge amount of hugging that had to take place, and the relatively uneventful dessert (unless, of course, you count Mrs Weasley randomly bursting into happy tears ever few minutes, 'Hermione' eating seven helping and the twins sniggering every time they looked in 'Ron's' direction), Ron, his brothers, Ginny, Harry and Hermione retired to the living room to variously play chess, sit and chat, and in the case of the twins, tease the new 'couple' mercilessly.

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A.N. Please don't be too harsh on me; I'll be posting regularly again now. I promise. And I AM staying on, despite the end of the series. I hope a lot of you will too. 


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